It's About a Baby, and These Bad Guys
by Merlin7 M.N. Talbert
Summary: The continuation of events in Not the Daddy. While the Atlantis team searches for explanations, and the guilty, Rodney and John find something unexpected in each other. McShep preslash, maybe progressing to more.
1. Chapter 1

**It's About a Baby, and These Bad Guys, and What Happens When it All Comes Together**

**A** Merlin7 and Kodiak Bear Country production

Summary: The continuation of events in Not the Daddy. While the Atlantis team searches for explanations, and the guilty, Rodney and John find something unexpected in each other.

Warning: This story is a sequel, and unlike some, you've absolutely got to read Not the Daddy to understand what the blazes is going on, sorry! Events in season two are mentioned, so if haven't seen season two and do not wish to be spoiled, stop reading now.

**Part One**

The room was dark, and quiet, and from the outside no one would know that anyone was awake at this late hour, but inside the room, someone, two someone's in fact, were awake.

Cradling Lily, John hushed her softly, gently bouncing her in his arms, and trying to keep her from waking Rodney. The nursery was destroyed, infirmary in ruins, over half the living quarters unlivable, and now he and McKay had found a larger room to take up joint residence in the aftermath of the explosions in the city.

And Dreya was gone. So were three scientists, one doctor and two nurses. Over fifty injured, seven dead – and damage to the city still being assessed.

"We're all a mess, aren't we," he whispered into Lily's downy hair.

The baby, _his daughter_, had been almost inconsolable since Dreya had died, and though he was an adult, John almost felt the same as Lily. The last forty-eight hours had been hell. McKay was running the scientist side into the ground trying to analyze the two bomb blasted areas, scouring for every clue, no matter how remote, to help narrow down who did this. Examining everything from before, and after; a painstakingly slow progress.

The Daedalus was in lockdown, her personnel not allowed to come and go in the city, and any personnel that had come over in the second, third and even fourth wave of round-trips was under close scrutiny. The fact that they numbered in the hundreds made the task all the more difficult – that, and suspecting your own people.

Sheppard had been pushing the military side equally as hard. Lorne was looking ready to stage a mutiny by the time he'd highly suggested John go to bed. That'd been two hours ago. Sheppard had been interviewing a sergeant high on the suspect list, and he knew he was being hard. Harder than he should be – harder than what would be effective in getting the answers, but the grief and pain from the severed bond was driving him mercilessly.

Burning pain dogged his steps. It'd dull, only to flare harder and louder than before, and then dull again. Cycles of agony and relief, and he was beginning to think it wasn't ever going to go away.

Who could he ask about the pain? Dreya was dead, Carson unconscious.

The infirmary had taken a hit similar to the living quarters, and Rodney had theorized the reason was to cover the saboteur's trail. Knowing that the med tech had been interested in Beckett's files gave them an edge, but now those files were compromised and no way to find out if anyone unauthorized had accessed them. Rodney doubted they'd be able to ever fully recover all the data as it was, and Beckett had been injured by flying debris, and was laid out with a significant head injury.

He had lived the past two days with the increasing pain, and now, holding Lily in his arms, he was afraid. Lily sensed his disquiet and fussed louder.

"Shhhh," he crooned. "Don't wake your other daddy. He's cranky when he gets woken up."

Blankets shifted, and McKay poked his head up. "I'm not cranky," he denied, and yawned wide. "And I'm already awake."

Still whispering, "Go back to bed, Rodney, no reason for two of us to lose sleep," John told McKay.

The rustling blankets told John that Rodney wasn't listening, then again, when did he ever? John hushed the crying baby more, and felt McKay move in to his personal space, but didn't pull back. Jostling Lily's butt just enough to quiet her, Sheppard handed her to Rodney. "She's missing her mommy."

Gingerly, Rodney took Lily from John, and kept up the slight bouncing movement that appeased her. He looked tenderly at Lily and admitted, "She's not the only one."

"Yeah."

It was all he could say. Talking about Dreya seemed to kick off another round of pain that flamed inside, and John couldn't talk. He knew it was the suddenness of the bond being severed, like he knew tomorrow would bring more heartache and anger – but he didn't know what to do about it. Dreya was dead, what could he do? It wasn't in his power to raise the dead. The thing that scared him was the thought that if something didn't change soon, he'd be joining her. Maybe that's why Lily continued to refuse to be comforted…maybe she sensed that something was wrong with Sheppard, as well.

As the fire receded, leaving John's nerves feeling raw, he noticed that Lily had quieted and McKay was watching him.

"Something's wrong," Rodney accused bluntly. "I've been watching you. Every now and then you tense, and pull inside yourself. No lies, Sheppard, what's going on?"

Despite the warning, the lie was ready on his tongue, but Sheppard saw something in McKay that stopped him from uttering it. "The bond," he said instead. "I think something happened when Dreya was killed."

They were only standing an arms span apart, and Lily flinched in her slumber at Sheppard's voice, regardless of how quiet he'd spoken. Knowing he'd opened the door to a conversation he didn't want to have, John took Lily back from Rodney, and slowly moved her into the crib that had been salvaged and cleaned, before being set up in their new rooms.

He settled her on her side, using a foam wedge that someone had given him. One of the nurses from the Daedalus – babies weren't supposed to sleep on their stomach because of the risk from SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome, and John was learning all sorts of stuff like that since Lily had been born.

"Sheppard -"

John turned away from Lily, satisfied that she was asleep for now, and raised a finger to his lips, shushing Rodney, before closing the distance, and pulling his arm, and thus McKay, towards the door.

Once on the other side, he slumped against the wall. The door slid shut, closing them off from Lily so that they could talk freely without waking her.

Rodney folded his arms, and leaned next to John. "Okay, talk."

Rubbing a hand across his eyes in an unsuccessful attempt at shaking off the sleepiness and discomfort, John began to talk, "When Dreya died, or was hurt…hell, I don't know, either way, I felt it."

"Old news, you already told me that."

Sheppard started to pace, after pushing himself off the wall, anything to step out from the lethargy that lingered. He was nervous, and wound up, but at the same time he was tired, and hurting. "I know I told you, stop making this harder than it has to be," he said crossly. "Since then the pain flares in cycles, and it's getting worse."

Though Rodney was still leaning, John saw Rodney's fingers, the ones that had been loosely pushed against McKay's folded arms, tighten imperceptibly. His face remained obscure, but Sheppard had known him long enough to know that Rodney McKay was getting anxious.

"Carson -"

"Carson is unconscious, McKay."

"Then ask another doctor. There's more than one in the city, it's a big medical staff, and no matter how incompetent they may seem at times, someone might have an idea…"

John came about from his pacing and looked at Rodney with annoyance. "You think I haven't thought about it? How do I know who to trust?"

The fact that Rodney himself had pointed out the obvious, that it had to be their own people behind the explosions, had set off a wave of distrust among the expedition members. John wasn't the only one looking over his shoulder constantly, watching body language and faces, hoping for some cue that would point a finger and say 'that's one of them'. The fact that it hadn't happened only made him more nervous. How do you know who to trust when everyone seems trustworthy? Obviously, some one wasn't.

McKay's face fell at the implication. Now, Rodney pushed himself off the wall and started pacing. John watched as McKay walked, the scientist unconsciously chewing on a fingernail, and trying out possible solutions in his mind.

Finally, Rodney paused, pulling the finger from his mouth. "We're going to have to trust someone. Carson's off the roster until he recovers, and God only knows how long that's going to take – you can't ignore this, Sheppard."

The fact that Rodney couldn't come up with anything better than that really brought it home just how screwed he was.

"Give me a little more time," John asked. "I'm not ready to trust anyone except you, the rest of my team – Elizabeth, Beckett…if it gets worse, I'll go, okay?"

At first, Sheppard thought McKay was going to argue against it, but then acceptance washed across Rodney, and he nodded, but it was clear he wasn't happy. McKay stared at him, as if searching for clues to just what was going on underneath Sheppard's skin, but a scowl replaced the worry, and grudgingly he said, "Fine." McKay turned, and headed down the corridor.

"Where are you going?" John called after him.

"To my lab," shouted Rodney. "I'm not going to sit here and watch you suffer!"

Sheppard slumped against the corridor. And just to add insult to injury, a soft wail leaked through the wall. He couldn't hold back the groan, "Daddy's coming," he muttered, turning back to the door. Sometimes life could really suck.

OoO

"Colonel?" called Elizabeth.

Sheppard didn't answer, because at the moment, he was dozing in the black chair, leaned back just enough to make it comfortable and barely at that.

"Colonel?" Weir prodded again, before shooting a mildly amused look towards McKay. The returned stare confused her, because it was strained instead of annoyed, but all the same, Rodney elbowed Sheppard.

Comically, John snapped forward in the chair, moving before he was entirely awake, and almost fell on the floor, just managing to catch the floor with his feet before the wheels spun the chair out from under him.

It took a minute for him to gather his wits, but when he did, John realized that everyone was staring at him. Some, like Elizabeth, with barely concealed amusement, others with concern, like McKay and the hawk-eyed Teyla.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Lily's teething," he explained, "Either that, or she's got her days and nights screwy."

Rodney raised a hand. "I vote for screwy. She's been sleeping," his lips curved sardonically, "like a baby during the day. Besides, if you read the baby book, it's still early for teething."

"I see," Elizabeth said. "Where were we?" She looked down at the stack of papers. "Rodney, you said that the explosive was definitely Earth-based, but beyond that there weren't any identifying fingerprints, and you were currently working to identify the plastique used?"

"Right, every bomb is identifiable, to a point – the problem is that none of us are forensic experts, and with the fact that we've been infiltrated, bringing one over on the Daedalus is problematic, isn't it?" McKay arched his eyebrow disgustedly.

She sighed, and John could tell she had a headache. He sympathized. Probably over half the damn city had headaches.

"So you're saying it won't help much, or it can't be done accurately by your scientists?"

McKay didn't seem to know whether to roll his eyes or aim for seriousness, as a result, John saw some kind of disquieted mix of the two emotions play out on his face as Rodney admitted grudgingly, "Both."

"So there is no way of identifying the traitor amongst your people?" Teyla questioned.

There was an undercurrent of past anger in her tone, and Sheppard found his thoughts drifting back to the time in the beginning when the Athosians had been under scrutiny for a similar crime – betraying the inhabitants of Atlantis. The gaping difference now was that there was direct evidence it was their own people, and not anyone else, while then, Teyla's people had been under suspicion simply because they were aliens, and it wasn't likely that their own people would betray them.

Amazing how time can change things, including ones view of their own people.

"I didn't say that," exasperated, Rodney continued, "what I said was that the bomb isn't going to yield any likely leads."

Unbidden, another wave of agony rolled through John, and he quickly lifted a hand, as if to wipe his eyes of sleep, just for the distraction, so no one would focus on the grimace tightening the corners of his mouth, and the sudden stiffness in his limbs.

When he pulled his hand away, the sharp look from Rodney let him know he hadn't fooled everybody. Purposefully, he cleared his throat and said, "Our…interviews," he practically choked on the word, because at times it had bordered on interrogation with some of the new personnel, "haven't yielded anything significant."

The fact that some of those that he'd gotten rough with were probably innocent didn't sit well with him either. Trapped in the ethics of innocent till proven guilty, they were like fish laid bare on the sand. Out of the water and no way to get back to safety.

Elizabeth shook her head slightly, frowning at him. "That's not good enough, John. We need something to go on, some lead – there had to have been one person who had something for us to go off of?"

"I'm telling you, Elizabeth, they were clean!" he exploded. "Every damn last one." His voice lowered, and John leaned forward across the table. "Whoever these people are, they're good. Tracks were covered professionally, and we'll be damn lucky if we find so much as a crumb to follow back."

Teyla looked as helpless as John felt, but she kept quiet.

"A hunch, then," she tried again. "There's got to be something, we can't just give up and wait for it to happen again."

Rodney raised a hand importantly. "As to that, I have good news."

McKay handed a thick folder to Elizabeth before sliding a copy to Sheppard. "These are new security protocols." He smiled smugly.

Flipping the folder open, John said, "Rodney, security on Atlantis is the military's concern, not the scientist's."

The smug smile didn't even falter. "Ah, yes, but when it comes to Ancient technology, I'm afraid it does fall to the scientists."

"Rodney?" Elizabeth was asking for an explanation in the clipped call of his name.

Deflated by the premature end of the suspense, he sighed. "Fine, fine – some of these surprises are like a good wine, they need to age to be fully appreciated, but since everyone is in such a hurry -"

"McKay," warned Sheppard.

Aside from an irritated look, that still had an edge of worry, McKay started to explain. "Atlantis has its own monitoring systems. Now, on it's own, it doesn't help us much because the city isn't full of Ancients, but with a few adaptations, thanks to your resident genius, we've been able to tweak the program for our own personnel."

Teyla bristled. "You are spying on the people living in the city?"

"I prefer…observing," he replied.

Ronon had remained quiet, not having anything to add because up to this point, none of it had any meaning for him, but now he was as disgruntled as Teyla. "I don't want to be watched," he said gruffly.

"It's not like that," argued Rodney. "Look, think bigger picture people. The city does the monitoring, if it detects any suspicious behavior, and its learning curve is remarkable, it will alert several key locations – ones that I've programmed and will only share with limited individuals."

Sheppard said, "So there aren't people hunched over screens watching us take showers and do other…things?"

The droll look McKay fixed on him now had everything to do with the 'other things'. "No, they're not."

How Rodney managed to inflect so much disdain in everyday words was beyond John, but he did. Instead of responding in kind though, he just rolled his upper body a little to relax the tensing muscles and said, "Good."

"Thanks to Rodney's discovery, we at least have something to work with," said Elizabeth. She closed the fat file, and pushed her chair away from the table, standing. "Colonel, I suggest you get some sleep, and Ronon, Teyla, come with me to my office, I have a job for you." She nodded towards Rodney, "Good work."

Sheppard stayed in his seat while Elizabeth, Ronon and Teyla left. Truth be told, he didn't want them to see how slow he was to get to his feet, and how much it hurt to move.

Alone finally, he dropped his head to the table. He felt hot, and more tired than simple lack of sleep accounted for. The last wave of pain had drained away what small amount of energy he had left.

"It's time to see a doctor, John."

Rodney. Shit. He'd forgotten about him.

"I know," he whispered wearily into his hands, not even bothering to lift his head. "Beckett is awake, recovering, but still on medical leave."

Movement behind him, and John knew Rodney was standing at his back, waiting. "I'll help you to the infirmary," he offered.

You'd think it would've been gentle, or kind, but instead it came out with all steel and hardness, because Rodney wasn't letting it go any longer. He'd given John time, and now Sheppard knew his time was up.

The only problem was getting up.

"Uh, Rodney?" John started to ask for help, but another spike of the familiar agony raced down his back, and things grayed out. He felt his fingers clenching into tight fists, knew his muscles had flexed, and that this was going on longer than before, but he couldn't break out of it. "H…help…" he managed, before he was tilting sideways, and falling –

OoO

How many times had he been in this position? McKay shook his head trying to dispel the depressing thought, because it'd been too many times.

Ever since Dreya had bonded John, their lives had changed, and sometimes it felt like it was the best thing that had ever happened, while others – others felt like it was the worst thing.

Right now qualified as one of the worst.

Rodney stared impassively at John's still body. There was an oxygen monitor clipped to his index finger, and the wire threaded along his arm, through the metal slats, and looped lazily short of the floor, before coming up to the plug on the machine. Another cord from the same machine trailed up farther to John's arm and attached to the blood pressure cuff.

Beckett had insisted on being attending physician, despite the fact that he could barely keep on his own feet, and had mumbled something about John's pressure being dangerously low. Rodney wasn't sure what exactly, because he was too busy being worried at the fact that the undeniable was being confirmed.

John Sheppard was dying.

"Have you talked to Ronon and Teyla," Carson asked raggedly.

So lost in his thoughts, Rodney hadn't heard the man approach. Shrugging numbly, he didn't say anything. He didn't want to talk…didn't trust himself to talk.

A warm hand rested on his shoulder. "We're doing everything we can."

"It's not enough, Carson," savagely Rodney came to life. He pointed at the IV, and oxygen mask, and EKG leads, "He's going to die, and I'll be damned if I sit here and watch while he does!"

"You wouldn't be anywhere else, Rodney," softly Beckett spoke, eyebrows heavy with the shared burden.

McKay had watched John go through the pregnancy, the delivery, the suicide attempts, and he'd gone through the emotional upheavals side by side. He'd felt so much of what Sheppard did, felt so much because John meant that much to him, though he'd never been able to come out and say it. Rodney had done what he could to show it, and he knew that John understood by the tacit acceptance of the dogging McKay had done to him. But the difference before is that he could make a difference, now –

Angrily, McKay pushed the chair back and stood up. He felt like his insides were one big whirlpool, swirling and circling and spiraling to doom. If Sheppard died –

Looking up at Carson and meeting his stare, Rodney admitted for the first time what he hadn't been able to before. "I love him, Carson. I love him, and it took this long to finally accept it, and now the sonofabitch is going to die and leave me all alone!"

As angry as he was, it didn't come out that way, instead his words came out laced full of hurt and pain, and raw emotion.

Beckett's eyes glittered, and it was almost Rodney's undoing. He turned away abruptly. He couldn't take Carson's pity. Not now.

"Did he know?"

The question sat like a big fat gray elephant, mammoth in the small room that suddenly felt very close and stifling. Still looking away, Rodney kept his arms folded tight against his chest, useless armor against anything except the psychological boost of an extra layer for the pain to fight through.

"I don't know," he finally answered, frustrated with himself, hell, with the world in general. "Maybe…possibly. God knows he tolerated my hovering, and the only one who ever did that was my girlfriend in college, and believe me," he chuckled harshly, "I didn't hover near enough with her."

Beckett was quiet behind him, but after a few moments, footsteps approaching prevented further discussion. Rodney did turn to see who had arrived at that point, and the look Carson shot him promised their conversation wasn't over.

Ronon and Teyla nodded at both men. "We came as soon as we heard," said Teyla. "How is he?"

Rodney's first reaction was to snap that John was dying, so how do you think he is, but he fought the impulse down because it wasn't fair. He wasn't good at keeping his aggravation from spilling outward on to others, but he was trying. "Not good," he said instead. The fact that he was even trying was thanks to Sheppard's influence.

Ronon's face got even darker. "Do something," he ordered Beckett.

The weariness that washed over Beckett had nothing to do with the severe concussion he was recovering from, and everything to do with the helplessness of the situation.

"We've done all we can," Carson said. "Despite our best efforts, his vitals continue to fall."

Teyla's face took on a haunted appearance, and Rodney watched her as she touched Ronon's arm slightly, circumspect, in a way that wasn't meant for other eyes to see, and slipped closer to Sheppard's bed. She traveled the distance from his head to his toes with her eyes, and then looked back to Beckett, upset. "We must do something."

"Lass, this has to be something from the bond at work, but Dreya's dead, and we can't change that -"

"Sa'cra'la," Ronon's deep voice rumbled into the conversation and startled everyone. All eyes shifted to the large man. He was looking surprised by his revelation and explained further. "Sheppard told me that Dreya was doing 'sacrala' on him after the twin died. Something about keeping his sanity."

Hope flared in Rodney's heart, and he fixed Beckett with an intense glare. "We've got to take him to Eradia! Carson, why didn't we think of this before? The bond was severed when Dreya was killed, of course! They can save him!" He was almost giddy with the lifeline that had been thrust out for John.

Carson was nodding slowly, thoughtfully staring at the runner. "Aye, you might be on to something."

He tapped his radio comm, and winced as it jarred his sore head. "Elizabeth, have a jumper readied. We've got to take Colonel Sheppard back to Eradia. It's a matter of life and death," he added.

And once again, Rodney had something to do, something that would make a difference…

OoO

Hamas was standing over Sheppard's bed, watching the soldier sleep, and when McKay saw him, he felt an odd undercurrent in the air. Rodney walked through the doorway, into the small room, and purposefully strode into Hamas' line of sight.

"The healer thinks he's going to make a full recovery," Hamas said.

A chair was sitting empty, and Rodney flopped down in it. Carson was talking to the healer right now, so Hamas wasn't telling him anything he didn't know. What Rodney did know was that Hamas had hesitated before offering the services of his people.

"No thanks to you," Rodney accused.

The Eradian leader didn't look the slightest bit remorseful. "Tell me, Doctor McKay, if your brother was killed, then your sister by marriage absconds to another world with your niece, and then you find out that she dies as well, leaving now one non-blood relative, would you be so eager to save the remaining guardian?"

It suddenly struck McKay how old Hamas looked. The man appeared to have aged ten years since they'd met him almost a year ago. His question gave Rodney pause. What would he do? "I wouldn't let an innocent man die if I could prevent it," he affirmed. He wouldn't. Rodney might be many things, including selfish, but he wasn't cold enough to do that.

"I didn't, did I?"

The Eradian man left, aged and tired, and Rodney actually felt sorry for him, and at the same time, thankful that he'd listened to Elizabeth and left Lily behind in Atlantis.

While they had admitted the cities intact status to Hamas, they had not allowed him to see the gate address. The fact alone that Hamas knew of its continued existence still caused an edge of unease in Rodney, but they'd only been able to do so much after the bond became an issue.

This whole situation sucked. Traitors, and death, and love mixed in just to make it all the more scary and screwed up. Sighing, he pulled the laptop out of the backpack that he'd left in the room earlier. Rodney never went far without his work.

The Dell booted up, and his program was waiting. Losing himself in the calculations, McKay started typing at the keys, trying to throw his heart and soul into the solutions so they wouldn't be available for anyone else.

OoO

Sheppard remembered a dream of Dreya standing in the mists of morning sunrise, and their hands pulling apart, moving rapidly away, and Dreya whispering urgently in his mind to take care of Lily.

John woke up suddenly, not knowing what was dream or reality. Dreya, she'd been there, he knew she had – but Dreya was dead.

The clacking on keys stopped, and Sheppard rolled his head towards the spot where the noise had come from. Rodney was hunched over a laptop on his knees, and his fingers crooked in interrupted movement.

"You're awake," he stated, surprised.

Sheppard started to chuckle, but he wound up coughing.

McKay set the computer to the floor, and leaned towards a table where a cup of water sat, before moving to help Sheppard sit so that he could drink without spilling it.

Despite Rodney's help, he still dribbled some down his chin, and as Rodney pulled the cup away, he instinctively wiped John's chin with the sleeve of his shirt.

Time paused, and their eyes met.

Rodney moved first, quickly pulling his sleeve back, and saying awkwardly, "You had some…water…dripping." He stopped trying to explain because it was coming out strangled and stupid.

John's green eyes were deep and saw too much.

"Thanks," he told Rodney, trying to say more than what he could.

"Yes, well," Rodney fumbled the computer back on his knees, "Someone has to take care of you, since you're completely inept as it is."

"Rodney -"

"Beckett's going to be back any minute now," Rodney interrupted. McKay's focus remained on the computer screen. "Ronon and Teyla are preparing the jumper."

Sheppard wished the wall hadn't been raised, again, but he respected it. For now. "Good," he said. He started to assess his physical state. Tired, mind numbingly tired, but the horrible burning pain was gone, and unlike before when it had come in waves but always lurked in the background, now there was nothing but a lethargy that soaked through to his marrow. "I'm tired." He stated it, but really he was asking it. What was the prognosis? How long would he be like this, tired and wrung?

Rodney grunted sympathetically. "The healer said it'd be a few days just to get on your feet, and probably a good week to approach anything near normal, because it went so long after her death."

"So, it was the severed bond?"

"Yeah, and speaking of that," and this Rodney really didn't want to speak of, but he had promised Hamas, after he'd gotten the leader to help John, and he would keep his promise, "the funeral for Dreya is tomorrow. Hamas asked us to stay on as his guests and attend. Carson said you wouldn't be up to it, but -"

"Rodney," John interrupted.

McKay looked at him and stopped talking.

"I want to."

Sighing, Rodney nodded. "I figured you would. I wanted to, but…I…I wasn't sure you were going to make it, and -"

"Rodney, it's okay, just…stop. We'll both go."

McKay accepted it, but got to his feet, folding the computer closed with a snap. "In that case, I'm going to tell Ronon to get a wheelchair and come back." At the unhappy look on John's face he added, "Unless you want Ronon to hold you like a baby during the service?"

"Jerk," John muttered.

"Indeed I am," he smiled for the first time. "Don't go anywhere."

Rodney dropped the machine on the chair, and headed out the door, sliding out of the way as Carson met him coming in, "He's all yours, Carson."

Sheppard was still rolling his eyes at the 'don't go anywhere' comment. His muscles felt like he wouldn't be going anywhere for a long time. He could only hope the healer's estimates were right, because he didn't see how he'd be standing in only a few days. In fact, right now, he couldn't imagine ever having the energy to stand again. He felt almost paralyzed from the fatigue and something else lingering in his limbs.

"What's the verdict, Doc?" he croaked.

Beckett's face crinkled in a wry grin. "I'm afraid we're stuck with you for a wee bit longer, Colonel."

"That's good." Sheppard tried not to sound so hollow. "Really good." He was thankful. He had Lily and Rodney, but he also had suffered through a lot, and he wasn't through with the suffering. Dreya's funeral, finding the infiltrator's before they had the opportunity to kill again.

"Get some rest, Son," Beckett said quietly. The doctor didn't look too steady on his feet, and the bandage almost faded into his skin tone, but the doctor nonetheless cared for his patient, pulling John's blanket up closer to his shoulder's and patting him reassuringly, trying to convey that everything would be fine.

As his eyes closed, John couldn't help but think Beckett was wrong.

OoO

"The Ground accepts its child back to the womb, to be reborn again, in another form."

Hamas was standing next to the clothed bundle that was Dreya, and as he finished talking, he motioned to men on either side of the shallow grave.

John watched as the men took hold of her body, and lowered it into the ground.

It was quiet. No sounds of animal or insects to be heard, and the sky was cloudy and gray, threatening to pour on the mourner's gathered around. He wished it would, because it seemed right for the heavens to cry along with everyone else. Maybe it'd count for him, because Sheppard hadn't quite managed to go there yet. Not much anyway. He blamed the lack of time, the lack of getting to really know who Dreya was – but the lack was his alone.

Grown men didn't cry. He'd come close, but he'd never fully given in, and he felt the heaviness from all that pain held tight inside, and wished he could just let go, once, and let it out. Not a little…but all of it.

Shivering, Sheppard watched as Hamas lifted a handful of the freshly turned dirt, and sprinkled it over the linen shroud.

"Goodbye, Sister," Hamas called.

A procession had moved to form a line, and soon one after another, lifted a handful of dirt, and tossed it down, saying goodbye and stating friend. She'd had no other family.

A heavy weight dropped on to his shoulders, and Sheppard pulled his eyes away from the depressing scene.

"You're cold," Rodney stated simply.

Ordinarily, he would've protested, but he was cold and John didn't have the energy to pretend otherwise. The line had emptied fast, and now Hamas stood waiting, and looked pointedly at John.

Sheppard didn't know what to say, but McKay wheeled him over to the pile. Ronon, Teyla and Beckett were waiting behind him. Slowly, he reached for the dirt. It was colder than he'd thought it would be, and he wished they'd had a wooden coffin for her. All that cold dirt piled on top of her – "Goodbye…Dreya," he said simply, because there weren't any words made to describe their relationship.

He tossed the dirt, and watched it fall. The small clumps broke and scattered to rest in the folds of the cloth.

McKay called out friend, as did the others.

Meeting Hamas' pain-filled gaze, Sheppard turned away, and muttered to Rodney, "Let's go home."

There was a lot to talk about, but though Ronon tried to get Sheppard to say something, he answered with short replies and never reciprocated. Conversation dies without two people willing, and the ride home was silent and heavy.

John was still in the wheelchair, and his lap covered with a blanket, and Rodney's jacket draped over his already jacketed upper body, but he was still cold. He needed Lily to make him warm again. He needed to talk to Rodney. God, there was so much he needed to do – and all he could think of was how much he wanted to go back to sleep.

It was going to be a long road ahead. A very long road.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Just a short note, there's a lot that could be said, but I'm only one author since I'm the one who uploads the story; I won't wax on and on about our feelings...the story will remain as we planned, and progress as it leads us. For a while, the story will remain preslash. This will be the development between the two characters. It won't be an overnight development, and it definitely won't be easy for them. When it does, there'll still be issues. How far the fic goes with their relationship I'd love to be able to say, but the fact is, I don't know, and Shelly doesn't know. We're letting this story tell itself, and allowing it to take its own direction. The one thing I can assure you is that when it does go into the relationship and crosses solidly into slash, it won't be about sex. That's not what this is about. This is a character driven, plot driven, intense angst and relationship driven fic. If you can't bring yourself to read it, knowing that McKay and Sheppard will hopefully find the relationship with each other before the end, then I'm sad to see you go. For those of you willing to give it a try, I firmly believe you won't regret it a bit. Kodiak**  
**

**ABOUT A BABY...part 2**

John spent the next two days sleeping. He vaguely remembered various faces hovering over him. Various voices echoing in his head, but John purposely kept himself detached from them. He wasn't ready to come back to the world yet. He wanted a little more time in oblivion. But, eventually, he had to come back to the land of the living. He had to make his way back to Lily. And it was her soft cry that woke him.

Blinking hard, John peeled his eyes open and managed to focus on the figure pacing next to his bed. It was Alicia. She was the nurse who had been with him since he'd become bonded with Dreya. And didn't thinking about Dreya hurt? John felt himself flinching. But he pushed away the pain to focus on the bundle in Alicia's arms. Lily. "C-Can I..." John broke off, coughing. His throat was dry sore.

"Have a sip of water." Alicia was by his side in an instant, expertly balancing Lily in one arm as she offered John a glass of water with the other. "Just a sip," she cautioned.

John knew the drill. He wrapped one shaky hand around Alicia's to pull it closer, then he took a long pull on the straw. The water was cool, not cold, and it felt like heaven sliding down his throat. He let Alicia pull it away and set it back on the bed stand. "Can I hold my daughter?" His voice was still hoarse, but doable and a moment later John was holding Lily cradled to his chest. It bothered him how weak he felt. His entire body was trembling. But Lily stopped fussing the moment he took her, looking up at him with her beautiful eyes before letting them slide closed. John felt a burn in his own eyes and he blinked hard before bending his head to kiss her cheek. "Hey, sweetheart," he whispered. "Daddy's back and I'm not going anywhere."

Alicia touched his arm and offered a warm smile. "She'll be glad of that. She really missed you."

"Did she eat and sleep okay?" John asked, parental concerns kicking in.

"It was a struggle at times," Alicia allowed. "But I managed. It was just a matter of being patient with her."

John smiled at that. "And with me," he stated, because he knew how trying he could be. But Alicia had been a trooper through it all. Never laughing at him, and always managing to find a way to make the most embarrassing aspects of sharing the pregnancy bond less...humiliating...than they could have been. John realized he had never really thanked her properly for everything she had done for him and Lily. "I owe you a lot," he said softly. "Thank you, Alicia. For everything. I really can't thank you enough for all you've done for me and for Lily."

Alicia flushed a bit then shrugged. "Just doing my job," she drawled, in a lousy John Wayne - pseudo cowboy - imitation.

But John laughed anyway, then reached for her hand. He squeezed it lightly, wanting to say more but feeling overwhelmed all of the sudden. He was too emotional and far too fragile in everyway and, apparently, Alicia sensed that because she just squeezed his hand back then she moved in and hugged him. Gathering him and Lily in her slender arms and John was content to stay there for the moment, relishing the contact.

He didn't see Rodney standing in the doorway, watching them. Eyes wide before his expression fell and he turned and walked away.

"I should go get Dr. Beckett," Alicia said softly, easing out of the hug and looking a bit self-conscious. "He'll want to check you over."

"Fine." John was agreeable to pretty much anything at the moment. So long as he could keep Lily in his arms.

It wasn't but a moment before Carson showed up, smiling but looking a bit grim. He examined John, working around a sleeping Lily, and tut-tutting a bit along the way.

John smiled at him, bemusedly. "So how am I doing, Doc?" he asked, his focus still on Lily.

"Better," Carson allowed. "But you need to take it easy and you will be my guest for a few more days."

"Can I keep Lily here?" John asked, lifting his head to look at Beckett. "I want to be close to her. If he could do that he would behave himself.

Carson studied John for a moment, then nodded. "Might not be a bad idea. Keep you both in one place and maybe the both of you will start eating and sleeping better."

John felt his stomach twist into knots. "Is Lily okay? She hasn't been eating? Why didn't you tell me?"

"She's okay," Carson said, reaching out to pat John reassuringly on the arm. "But she's been very restless without you. Alicia has been getting her to eat and between her and Teyla they've been singing her to sleep. She's fine. She missed you though."

"I missed her too." John pressed another kiss to Lily's soft cheek. He felt bone tired and wanted to go back to sleep, but at the same time he didn't want to lose any more time with his daughter. John could feel his connection with Lily, the bond they had forged upon her birth, growing stronger and more resilient. He had felt her restlessness, a reflection of his own.

Carson moved to fiddle with John's IV. "Rest a bit. I'll send for some soup and I want you to eat. You've dropped more weight, Colonel. Weight you can't afford to lose. And you're going to be weak and worn out for quite some time so the more you eat the more you build up your strength."

John understood what Beckett was saying. "I'll eat," he promised. He wanted to be strong for Lily. So when Alicia brought him the soup, he handed Lily over and ate. Then he fed his daughter and snuggled him to her as they both drifted off to sleep. He never saw Rodney sneak in and take Lily from him to put her in the crib that Ronon had fetched from the nursery. He didn't feel Rodney fuss with his blankets. He didn't know Rodney kept vigil over them until dawn.

The only thing John knew was darkness and the shadowy ghosts that haunted his dreams.

OoO

Beckett had been right about John being weak and worn out for a time. He had been released from the infirmary after two days, but he found himself stuck in his quarters, napping in between caring for Lily. He felt physically and emotionally drained, and frustrated by his own weakness. Frustrated to the point where he started snapping at people and doing a lot of apologizing. When he tired of that he started focusing on keeping his mouth shut. Just plastering a smile on his face until it felt frozen, then saying whatever words would get people to leave him alone, then John pretty much hid out with Lily. He grew to love his daughter more and more each day.

Lily became pretty much, literally, attached to John. She would spend time with Rodney and Teyla and Alicia, but she was happiest when she was with John. He was happiest then too. When he was rocking Lily to sleep or feeding her or simply telling her stories, John felt content. He was able to pretend everything was as it should be. Then reality would leak in, as it was wont to do, and he would remember how tired he was. His body continued to betray him. John's frustration grew, as did his anger at the world. Everyone tried to convince him it was just a matter of time and for him to be patient.

John had never been a patient man.

He wanted things to go back to the way they had been but too much had changed. He was changed in ways he couldn't quite yet comprehend. But it was more than that. He wasn't the only one who had changed beyond recognition. Rodney had changed as well. He was drifting away from John and from Lily. On some level it hurt John, feeling like a betrayal. But for the most part he didn't have the energy to confront Rodney about it. Or maybe it was that he lacked the courage. John didn't let himself dwell on it. He had other things to deal with.

Elizabeth wanted him to talk to Heightmeyer. This came about after she informed him that she was putting Lorne in command until further notice and John simply shrugged and told her he was fine with that. He knew she was worried about him. He told her to worry about Atlantis and finding out who had fucked them over. And he had used those exact words. Then Elizabeth had asked if he didn't want to catch whoever had bombed Atlantis, killing so many. Killing Dreya. John had smiled and told her that they couldn't bring back the dead so it was a moot point.

Rodney had bitched at him for that and John had almost been glad for it. It felt _normal_ between them for a moment. So John had let him rant away then he'd declared that the only thing he had the energy to focus on was Lily. Rodney had stared at him with something akin to horror, babbling about him becoming apathetic, then he had hurried away and John had felt his insides hollowing out. He felt hollowed out in a way he couldn't explain. He felt empty even when he was holding Lily. Subconsciously John knew that something was wrong with him. Consciously...he didn't much care. Which should have worried him more than it did, because it didn't worry him at all.

Instead he focused all the more on his daughter until Elizabeth radioed him to meet her in his office.

"Why?" John asked, as he gently bounced Lily on his knee just to see her smile at him.

"You'll know when you get here," Elizabeth replied, then she clicked off.

John grimaced and removed his ear piece. It felt foreign to him now. Heaving a sigh, he stood up with Lily cradled in one arm and headed out the door. He made his way to Alicia's room. He knew she was off shift until the afternoon. They had become good friends in the past couple of weeks. She didn't ask anything of him or seem to expect anything and John relished that more than he could say. Knocking on her door, he wasn't surprised when it whoosed open and she stood there smiling at him. "Can I ask a favor?" John queried.

Alicia nodded. "Of course. Come in." She stepped back to allow him inside.

"Can you watch Lily for me?" John asked, taking just a few steps past the door. "Weir wants to see me about something. I don't think it will take long." He hoped it wouldn't.

"Sure, I'll be happy to watch her," Alicia replied, already reaching for Lily. Who went to her with a minimum amount of fussing.

John smiled at them both then leaned in to kiss the top of Lily's head. "Be a good girl, sweetheart," he whispered. "Daddy will be back soon. I owe you one," he then said to Alicia.

She snorted. "You owe me a lot more than one," she teased, then she waved him off. "We'll be fine. We'll do girl stuff."

"I don't think I want to know," John shot back, then he touched Lily's cheek before heading out the door. Five minutes later he strolled into Elizabeth's office, seeing the way her eyes narrowed as they brushed over him. John was pretty sure she was surprised by his attire. He had taken to wearing jeans and long-sleeved tee shirts instead of his uniform. It wasn't as if he were on duty at this point, so he didn't see the need to bother.

"Have a seat, John," Elizabeth invited. She was already seated behind her desk.

John sat down then asked, "What's up?"

Elizabeth folded her hands together, looked him in the eye, then blurted out, "We have a problem."

"Wraith?" John felt his body go tense.

"No. You." Elizabeth's eyes darkened.

John frowned at her, wondering what she was getting at. "I'm a problem? What is that supposed to mean?"

Elizabeth grimaced, rubbed a hand over her face, then sighed. "I'm not handling this well...I'm sorry. Let me start over by saying that I've been in meetings with Dr. Beckett, Dr. Heightmeyer and Rodney about you."

"Why?" John was still tense and he felt his stomach begin coiling into knots. Whatever Elizabeth had to say, he knew he wasn't going to like it.

"You're not getting better John," Elizabeth stated. "You're not healing."

John was stunned. "Like that's my fault? Beckett said it would take me a while to get back my strength."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I'm not talking physically. You're detaching yourself from reality, John. From our reality. You've narrowed your existence down to yourself and Lily and you're creating a little fantasy world. One in which nothing bad happened so you don't have to deal with it."

"Bullshit!" John was so angry he was afraid to say more. Elizabeth didn't know what the hell she was talking about. He was dealing with reality just fine.

"I want you to talk to Heightmeyer, John," Elizabeth countered. "If you don't then we've decided it would be best to send you back home."

John felt as if she had punched him in the gut. "What? Home...as in Earth?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes."

"I see." But he didn't. Still, a part of John screamed at him to go. Go back to earth with Lily where she would be safe. Where he could give her a normal childhood."

"We'll take good care of Lily and maybe the thought of coming back to her will help you focus on your recovery," Elizabeth continued.

John heard her words but they weren't really sinking in. "Whoa...wait a minute." He was on his feet and glaring at her. "What do you mean you'll take care of Lily? She'd go with me!"

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, she wouldn't. SGC wouldn't allow it. She belongs here in the Pegasus galaxy."

"So do I!" John snarled, fingers clenching around the edge of Weir's desk to steady himself as pain suddenly spiked in his temples and his vision started graying out. Distantly he heard Elizabeth calling his name, then John fell into darkness.

**THE END...of part 2**

**yes, that should've been 'desk', eep, good catch!**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Here I've been trying to get this dratted thing posted all day but yes, finally it goes through! Look for part 4 tomorrow morning.**  
**

**Part 3…**

Waking up in the infirmary had a growing, almost comforting, routine. The first sense to return was hearing, and the infirmary always had sounds, regardless of the time of day; the soft rustle of others moving under their covers, when there were others, and the quiet background echo of conversations as the medical personnel went about their work. Occasionally machines would beep along in tune with a patient's vitals.

The next to arrive were smells. Disinfectant, mingled with a hint of past sickness that lingered far beyond the cleaning. Cologne and perfume as the workers walked by. It was always surprising how strong smells could be when you had your eyes closed.

Lastly, awareness fully returned. All the above merged into a cognitive state. That's where John was at now, as he blinked at the ceiling. The lights were dimmed, and the bed was hurting his back, and he was alone.

Niggled by some emotion he couldn't name, he wondered where everyone was. With no one to talk to, his mind flashed back to the conversation with Elizabeth, and her ultimatum. Talk to Heightmeyer or go home…and without Lily, his daughter.

Could she even do that?

He'd signed official paperwork for adoption and in the eyes of the United States legal system, Lily was his daughter, but then again, he hadn't exactly been allowed to put down Atlantis for the city, and Pegasus galaxy for state or country. They'd told him to put his parent's address.

His parents. God, if they only knew. John's father was dead, his mother, estranged, thanks to his rocky relationship he'd had when his father was alive, and he didn't have any siblings.

Twisting to a new position, he tried to push the unpleasant thoughts away. He was doing that a lot. Was it fair, what Elizabeth had said? The answer was there, and it was practically banging against the inside of his skull. Yes. Glaringly, positively, irrefutably, yes.

Despite the gloomy thoughts, he drifted back asleep, feeling lonely and dispirited. When he next woke, more personnel were about, and the chair by his bedside was still empty. The sharp pang at that observation physically hurt. Hadn't he said he was going to throw the damn thing over the balcony anyway? John supposed now he wouldn't have to.

"Good morning," Beckett greeted him cheerfully.

"Not really." John's voice was as flat as he felt inside.

He did feel a small amount of regret as the forced smile on Carson's face slipped, but wisely, Beckett shrugged off the soldier's apathy, and pushed forward.

"Colonel, I realize you're not pleased to be my guest again, and despite your underweight status, the reason is no fault of your own, necessarily – your blood pressure rocketed up, combined with the general run-down and recovering state, it's understandable that you fainted."

The terminology was almost painful, because it reminded John of a certain absent someone who would've never let him live it down. He decided to ask, even while doing so, not sure he wanted the answer. "Where's McKay? I thought he'd be here."

Beckett's face betrayed nothing, but he did flinch imperceptibly. "He's taking care of Lily, and working in his lab." Carson moved towards the blood pressure machine and pushed it towards John. "He's calling down for regular updates."

"Ronon, and Teyla?" Sheppard wouldn't be so arrogant to add Elizabeth to the list, after all, she had a city to run, and there were serious issues afoot.

"Elizabeth sent them on an errand," Beckett informed him.

Carson lifted John's arm, and attached the cuff, pushing the button to start the sequence.

"An errand? Where?" demanded Sheppard. They were members of his team. He had a right to know what they were being sent to do. It galled him to know he was out of the loop.

"You'd have to take that up with Elizabeth."

Carson finished his examination with efficiency, and made new notes in John's chart. He didn't look happy, but he didn't look unhappy, either.

"Stonewalled, huh?" John's mouth tilted wryly. "How long am I gonna be here this time?" He didn't let Carson address the first question because it was more rhetorical anyway. John knew what Elizabeth was doing. Hell, she was probably right. Not knowing was beginning to itch at him.

"You can go now," Carson announced evenly.

There was always a catch. "But," prodded John.

The quirk in Beckett's mouth left him feeling maybe not so alienated. "But, you've got an appointment with Kate for two this afternoon, and you will be there, or you'll be on the Daedalus soon after, understood?"

And be forced to leave everyone he cared about, including his daughter. "I'll be there," he vowed. And John would. He'd accepted long ago the need to talk to Heightmeyer, but things just kept spiraling further and further out of control, and there never seemed to be a good time.

Reaching down behind the empty chair, Beckett pulled out John's clothes and handed them over. "After you talk with Kate, I need to see you to talk about your weight. Otherwise, I'm giving you some pills to regulate your blood pressure so we can avoid any spikes like the one you had yesterday."

John nodded, accepting the clothes, and the way it was going to be. He wasn't so much complacent, as resigned.

Beckett left him alone to get dressed, and taking his discharge paperwork, John left the infirmary, and headed to his quarters first to get a shower and find out who was watching Lily.

As the door slid open, Rodney came striding out, and John lurched to the side to avoid being run down.

McKay's face registered surprise. "Carson released you already?"

"If you'd bothered to check, you would've known," John said sourly.

He could tell by the look on Rodney's face he'd scored a hit, and why he felt the need for it, he wasn't sure. It wasn't exactly Rodney's job to be his keeper, but after having had McKay by his side, and watching over him so much, he'd gotten used to it. The absence of that presence stung. Add in the emotional turmoil he was already under, it made John surly and out of sorts.

"I'm sorry, Colonel, did I miss the memo that appointed me your guardian? I thought it was only Lily that I had to babysit."

Angry, Sheppard brushed past Rodney. "Hopefully, you're doing a better job with her than you have been with -" he stopped himself from saying what he was going to. John had almost said 'the investigation', because McKay was coming up empty, but then again, so was everyone else, and it wouldn't have been fair.

Fair or not, McKay knew what he'd been about to say. "She's with Teyla," he said coldly. "I didn't know when Carson was releasing you, and I've got work to do. Regardless of how ineffective my efforts may seem, at least they're efforts."

Unspoken, was the inference that John hadn't even made that in the past week.

Was this bickering and hurting better than the emotional distance that John had felt from McKay before? Weariness washed him down to a shell of what he should've been, and he just didn't have the energy to maintain the bitching.

John stepped fully into the room, and turned to Rodney. "Then don't let me stop you." He ordered the door shut, and waited after it closed, poised with one arm pushed against the side of the doorframe. Part of him hoped McKay would come back, and tell him that it was okay. That their fractured friendship was repairable. Hell, he didn't even know where this was coming from. Maybe it was the detached attitude he'd been accused of, but since when had Rodney let things like that pull him away? When Sheppard had tried to withdraw before, Rodney had been there, pulling and pushing and poking, until he responded. What was different now?

Sighing, and shaking his head, he pulled his hand away from the wall. The door had remained closed, and he could only surmise that McKay had left to his lab, or wherever he'd been headed.

A shower. He'd take a shower, and if there was time before his appointment with Kate, find Teyla and spend some time with Lily.

OoO

John stood in front of Kate's office door, reluctant now that he was here. He had dressed in his uniform, his way of telling Elizabeth to take her ultimatum and shove it somewhere very _very _deep and cold, because he wasn't walking away from his job, his friends, and his daughter – and she'd known that. Hence, her play of the trump card.

Sighing, he knocked. You'd think the Ancients could've invented doorbells.

"Come in."

The voice was muffled by the door, but it was Kate Heightmeyer, and he could just picture her sitting behind the desk, waiting to dig her eager psychiatric claws into his mind.

Shit.

He pressed the door panel, opting for the mechanical route in, even though he'd long ago learned how to activate certain systems with thought only.

He hung for a moment in the doorway, but she smiled kindly, and waved him forward. He'd give her one thing, she always did look approachable. The friendly doctor, except she was a doctor of the mind, and by being here, he was admitting there was something wrong with his, and that just wasn't something a Sheppard would ever do.

"I take it you're expecting me," he said inanely, forcing a swagger into his step, before dropping into the chair.

The look she gave him spoke volumes. Opening a folder on her desk, she pushed a pitcher of water towards him and answered, "Yes, Carson and Elizabeth explained to me that you've been experiencing difficulties." She flipped a few pages, before letting the folder rest, and placing her full attention on him. "John, we haven't seen near enough of each other considering the events you've had to endure this past year, and while I do understand your reticence, you've nothing to be ashamed about."

"I'm not ashamed," he denied.

She nodded slowly before saying, "Okay, I'll accept that – reluctant, then." She glanced down at the paper that had something written on it. Notes on him, he surmised. "I know the concerns are that you seem to be withdrawing from recent events. You're isolating yourself with Lily, and while it's understandable, it's not ideal, and you're here so that we can hopefully get you over whatever is driving you into this isolation, and back on your feet."

"I am on my feet." He regarded her with a laconic grin.

It drew a soft smile in return and she chuckled before adding, "Just barely, Colonel. Remember, I've been talking to Carson."

He tipped his head her way slightly. "True, I'll give you that. But," he leaned back holding up a wary finger, "I AM on my feet. And I can do my job."

"Then why aren't you?"

Nailed. Weren't psychologists supposed to be easy on you? Because she wasn't pulling any punches, apparently. "I've been sick," he defended himself. "The bond messed me up. That wasn't my choice."

"But you said it yourself, you're back on your feet," she argued reasonably. She had leaned back herself, a 'cat ate the canary' smile painted across her face.

He wanted to get up, and walk away, but he couldn't. Instead, he sat, not knowing how to argue that one, because she was right. He'd been healing, and he'd been well enough to start tackling the issues with the infiltrators. But he hadn't. Instead, he'd withdrawn with Lily, and tried to focus on her only, because he wasn't sure he could handle anything else right now.

And he hadn't done his job. The impact hit him like a shot, and he felt slightly sick.

Kate's goal accomplished, she softened. "John, no one blames you. We just want to help."

He lifted his eyes off the floor, and gone was the swagger, and the defiance. "_I_ blame me."

"For too much," she agreed wisely. "You couldn't have prevented the explosion. Hell, we can't even find them now when we know they exist, there was no way you could've known what they were planning."

"So this is about me taking the blame, and that's what's behind my isolating myself from everyone?" Because he honestly didn't know. Sheppard wasn't a shrink. All he could see was that he had done what she was saying he'd done, and that was focus on Lily only.

"No," she said. She got up from her chair, and moved over to a shelf against the wall, pulling a thick album down, and bringing it back to the table.

He watched as she opened it up, and caught sight of pictures. She was searching, and found the right one, tugging it free from the protective cover, before handing it to John.

He took it gingerly, and almost dropped it from the physical shock of seeing who was in the photo. He could feel himself freezing inside. He was staring at a picture taken a few days after Lily was born. Dreya was sitting on his bed, still wearing a gown, and looking pale and tired, but ecstatic, and he had Lily in his arms with a bottle, while Rodney stood beside him, and all three had wide grins and innocence shining through.

He'd had it all when that picture was taken. Friendship, family, hope – now, like the city, his life was laying in ruins, and Dreya was gone, McKay becoming increasingly alienated, and Lily…sweet Lily, depending on those left to pick up her pieces.

"Why?" he asked, his voice cracking over the emotion thickening his vocal chords. "Why show me this now? I thought you were supposed to help, not make it worse!"

He flung the picture at her, even while wanting to crawl after, and tuck it away, never to let it go again.

"You haven't accepted her death, John." She picked up the picture and forced it back into his numb hands, cupping her own over his, and kneeling beside him, to get his attention and look at her. "You never had time to grieve. You threw yourself into finding the culprits, and then the severed bond made you ill, and you almost died, again. You went back to Eradia, and all those memories were thrust at you – seeing her people, and Hamas, and where it all began, and yet you expected to just pick up and carry on where you left off, and you couldn't!"

She knew she had his attention, and she stood up, moving back to give him space. "You're only human, Colonel. You aren't a robot. You can't shut off feelings and pretend they don't exist. You focused on Lily because it was the only safety left. Lily can't die if you were there, and even now, you want to go to her because something might happen."

John had pulled inside himself, hearing her, but at the same time, seeing the revelations for what they were, the truth. Everything she'd said rang true, and he felt sucker-punched. The photo, and the pain it caused, told him just how strongly he hadn't dealt with Dreya's death.

When his dad had passed away, he'd grieved, and moved on. Looking at old photos had been comforting, a way to remember who he had been and the fun times they'd shared, before their relationship had soured. But just now, looking at the picture of Dreya, it'd hurt, visceral and deep, and he wondered if the pain would ever lessen. He swallowed, and tried to say something, but he just couldn't.

"You're reactions are normal," she assured him, her voice gentle.

"None of this is normal," hollowly, he shut his eyes, and went back to that day.

"_She looks like you," gloated McKay._

"_Rodney, you're crazy." John had kissed the baby's soft head._

_McKay persisted. "No, I'm serious, look at the spiky hair, but seeing how she's a girl, you better let her hair grow out. I don't think the bed head style will suit my little girl."_

_Giggling affectionately, Dreya took Lily from John, and rocked her happily. "Rodney, stop teasing John. Besides, right now, her hair line closely resembles yours, more than anyone."_

"_Ouch," gleefully, John mocked at the teasing insult._

"Colonel?"

Was it any wonder, he didn't want to be in this reality, when he'd had the other, even for that short amount of time?

"How," he asked. He focused on her face, noting the worried lines tight in the corners of her mouth, and forehead. "Tell me how I'm supposed to accept this, and get past it, because I can't figure it out."

She shrugged. "You just do."

"You just do?" he exclaimed. "That's the best you can come up with?"

"Find someone to talk to, and not just me. Talk to Rodney, he's hurting also. Talk to Teyla, she and Dreya had become closer than you think. You need to remember her, and stop ignoring her death."

He shook his head irritably. Easier said than done, and he knew that she knew it. "So, was this it? Are we finished?"

"For now, yes. I want to see you again, say, two days?"

"Fine," he answered, keeping his voice clipped and flat. He'd let too much show already.

As he got up to leave, she called after him, "Colonel, please, talk to someone. You know what rests on this."

Releasing some of the pent-up frustration, he stormed out of her office. He knew more than anyone what rested on it.

He stopped by his quarters, picking up the paperwork that returned him to duty, and took the long way to the command deck. He hoped he'd be sufficiently cooled down to face Elizabeth.

He was wrong.

Walking into her office, he knew he wasn't calm enough, yet he still thrust the paper at her.

"Feeling better, I see?" Elizabeth took the paper, ignoring his rudeness.

"Yes," he ground out. "In fact, I'm perfectly capable of resuming my duties. Carson signed off on it."

Not taking his word for it, she read the paper. "I see that you agreed to talk to Kate. How did it go?"

He hadn't taken a seat. "Fine. What are you doing with my team members?" If she wanted to beat around the bush, he wasn't going to go along with it.

"That's none of your business," she said, using a tone that she normally reserved for those of lesser command status in the city.

And it pissed him off. In retrospect, that probably should've been the clue to turn and leave, but no one could ever say that Sheppard followed the smart course. "It is my business! They're my team, Elizabeth, and I want to know why you've been secreting them away to do things. You want to know when someone is doing anything suspicious – fine, I'm here to tell you the expedition leader is acting damn squirrelly."

Thunderclouds descended in the room, and her lips thinned to a straight line. "You're accusing me of planting bombs? Or being in on it, what Colonel? Let's be clear, just what it is you are accusing me of," it was spoken carefully and coolly, and with the underlying threat that he'd better think twice before he spoke again.

Of course, he didn't. "You're hiding things from me, why not?"

"Not everything I do concerns you, and in case you haven't noticed," her voice dripped sarcasm, "You've been a little preoccupied lately. If you want to get involved again, then I welcome your help, but you have no authority to sit there and tell me what I can and cannot do."

"I'm not sitting."

Elizabeth pointed a finger at the door. "Out, right now, before I call a security team to remove you."

He stared her down for a few moments, and he knew that she wasn't convinced he'd leave willingly, hell, he wasn't sure he would. It wouldn't look good for the military head to be dragged out of her office, and he had a hunch she'd follow through with the threat.

"Come back when you can act rationally, until then, I suggest you direct your energies in finding the true saboteur." She'd already dismissed him, despite his presence in the room.

He gritted his jaw shut, finely realizing just how deep the hole that he'd dug himself was. Fuck.

He stormed out of her office, and wandered, thinking maybe he ought to just go and get Lily and lock himself back in his quarters with her. But then again, isn't that what got him into this situation in the first place?

Deciding he needed a run to shake off the anger that was dogging him, John headed for the catwalk. He hit the course, feeling satisfaction as he knees jarred with each impact against the metal grating. It didn't take long for him to become sweaty and out of breath, but it felt fantastic, like going home after a long vacation. He had to do this more often.

He was on his second trip when Ronon joined him.

"Should you be doing this?" the runner asked, jogging beside him.

"No," he answered bluntly, and he kept running.

"Okay," Ronon said. "Major Lorne wants to meet us tonight. He sent me to tell you and set it up."

It pissed him off that Ronon wasn't even breaking a sweat, and here he was about to fall on his face. The stitch in his side was growing bigger than his damn body. "Why…does he want…that?" John huffed. He knew he wouldn't be able to maintain the pace much longer.

"A trap." Ronon thrust a hand out against John's chest, which made him stop.

Sheppard hunched over, sucking in air. A towel was shoved into his line of sight. Taking it, he straightened back up, and wiped his face. "Thanks," he gasped. God that'd felt good. To wear himself out the normal way. "A trap – does that mean he thinks there is an agent still in the city?"

Dex Shrugged. "Guess so. He wants to meet at the grounding station on the north pier, twenty-hundred hours."

He was coming down from the adrenaline high, and still slightly breathless. "I'll be there." And then he'd tell Lorne he was back in charge, and to stop making secret meeting arrangements.

Of course, he might be keeping it secret because he suspected someone in the higher echelon, and that implication made him feel queasy. When he'd said that to Elizabeth he hadn't been serious, but what if it was someone in charge – not Weir, but there were plenty of others who had access to weekly briefings and status reports. People that would know when Lorne's team was going to be off world.

Damn.

Ronon handed him a water bottle, and when he went to give back the towel, Dex shook his head. "Keep it. See you tonight," and took off sprinting effortlessly down the way they'd came. Asshole. If John had to be out of shape, so should everyone.

Rolling his shoulders, he tossed the now damp towel around his neck. That might be why Ronon had told him to keep it. He looked at his watch and realized Teyla was going to be back with Lily soon and he really needed another shower. He stunk.

And, now he needed to get in touch with Rodney and see if he'd watch Lily so John could meet Lorne at the north pier, and why the hell had he picked a spot so ridiculously far from a transporter? He really shouldn't have run so far.

By the time John got to his quarters…their quarters…his legs were definitely feeling the burn. The door opened, and Teyla was standing side by side with Rodney, both cooing over Lily.

Almost guiltily, Teyla pulled back. Rodney coughed to clear his throat and raised his voice from the whispers they'd been conversing in when he'd first cleared the door. "Right, here he is, and I am off to my lab, more work to do…"

Frowning at the pair of them, John said, "About that -"

"Excuse me, Colonel, I must go also. I promised Alicia to show her a few moves since Doctor Beckett wants her to join the list of available nurses for off-world missions."

John nodded at her tersely. "Tell her I said hi," he said not really caring about it right now. What he did care about was what the two had been so cozy cozy about when he'd interrupted them.

"Of course," she promised, before leaving with alacrity.

Lily started to fuss in Rodney's arms, and John strode forward, scooping her up and oozing charm. "Hush, baby, Daddy's here, to save you from that mean monster Rodders."

"Rodders?" McKay echoed. "Did I just hear you right? Stepping aside from the whole calling her other father a monster issue, but you actually referred to me as 'Rodders'?"

Sheppard fought hard to hide the cocky grin. He'd known it'd piss McKay off. Right now, he was kind of happy to be doing it. There was some kind of pleasure in ticking him off, and why, who knew, but right now he was all about focusing on the things in front of his face, and making Rodney mad made him happy, so, there you go.

"Rodders. Jane, that British chick that works in your lab, I overheard her cooing about you to her friend." He didn't add they'd actually been cooing over both of them.

A gleam appeared in McKay's eyes. "Really?" he drawled, and that smug self-assured look had erased the irritable one before. "Because I know for a fact that Jane has a gigantic, dare I say, _monstrous_, crush on yours truly. In fact, it's highly plausible that she'll overhear me, say in the -" he ticked off hours on his fingers, "next four hours, that said Colonel thought she was attractive when he saw her earlier, and he was simply too shy to ask her on a date. What, with his grieving condition, and all, he didn't want to seem uncaring or impulsive." Rodney finished, and folded his arms, entirely too pleased with himself.

John froze, and fixed Rodney with a steely glare. "You wouldn't," he growled.

"Call me a monster to our daughter one more time," he warned, "and watch me."

Lily chose that moment to emit a loud disgusting fart.

John's mouth turned down in dismay. "That's gross."

"Tell me about it. Who do you thinks been changing the majority of her diapers while your off in the infirmary, or 'pseudo-happy world'?"

The laughter that bubbled forth from Lily's mouth stole both men's attention, and despite the malodorous smell, stupid matching grins stared at the little baby. "She laughed," said Rodney, awestruck. "A real, honest to god, laugh."

"I thought it was like ten to twelve weeks old for that?"

McKay crept over to her, and chucked Lily gently on the chin, before tickling her tummy and tugging on her blanket. She rolled her head his way, and smiled wider. "She's ten weeks old today."

John felt a sneak of hurt. Ten weeks to the day. Two weeks since Dreya was killed. The spell broken, he pulled away from McKay, whose closeness suddenly felt even closer than it should. He aimed for the changing table they'd set up with two nightstands pushed together. "I need you to watch her tonight, around seven, can you? I've got a meeting."

Not looking at Rodney, he pulled out a cloth diaper, and some powder Teyla's friend Charen had whipped together for them. He looked for the wipes, but couldn't find them anywhere. Alicia had given him a homemade recipe for wipes, and they'd made a big batch soon after she was born. "Where's the damn wipes?" he snapped.

Rodney reached around him, and pulled the container from where it'd fallen behind the pile of baby blankets. "I'll watch her, but I've got an experiment going tonight also. I might have to seek out Alicia. Teyla has something she's doing tonight, so she's no good, and Elizabeth is all hush hush lately, so I wouldn't ask her."

At John's bewildered face, he shrugged. "You haven't been paying attention to anything that doesn't gurgle and coo, what do you expect?"

Okay, he deserved that. He'd spent the last week ignoring everything except Lily, and now he was paying for it. John wasn't one to wallow in mistakes. "Well, I'm not now. She's doing something with Ronon and Teyla, and I want to know what. Can you find out with your spy program?"

"It's not a spy program," Rodney said, disgusted. "We've been over this before. It has a higher level of programming than your 'Q-basic' mentality can comprehend, Colonel."

Colonel. He'd called him Colonel, and not John, not even Sheppard.

"If you've got somewhere to be, I can handle this now." Brusquely, John took the wipes from Rodney.

McKay paused with his hand still in the air from where John had taken the wipes, but whatever he'd been about to say, he didn't. Instead he jerked his head shortly, and left, calling over his shoulder, "Bring her to the lab when you're ready."

Once the door slid shut, cutting him off from anyone else, John slumped against the table. He was tired, and confused. His relationship with Rodney was strained, and though he suspected the cause, McKay had made it clear he didn't want to go there. And what if he was wrong?

And then Teyla, so close to McKay, almost made him feel like a third wheel, and you add on the fact that Elizabeth had threatened to send him back to Earth like a third wheel, paving the way for the two to raise Lily in a conventional sense…

Even knowing it was stupid to think that way, he did. He knew it was irrational, but seeing Lily held between the two, and knowing it should've been him holding her with Dreya. Not that he loved Dreya like that, he didn't, and son of a bitch, was life always going to be this damn complicated?

He finished fastening Lily's diaper, and raised her up to his chin, tucking her in close to his chest. "Munchkin, life is so simple from your point of view, isn't it? Eat, sleep, pee – doesn't get better than that, kiddo, trust me." No idiotic friends to tear you up inside, and loved ones dying on you and making your heart bleed, and then the good-willed intentions of others butting against you like constant winds. Sober, he stared into the chubby face, she'd really filled out since she was born, and he realized she had lost someone. Her mother. "I'm sorry, Lily, so so sorry," he whispered, pulling her close and rubbing at his eyes with his shoulder.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

John startled. He looked around, where had he left his radio?

He finally spied it tossed on the bed, and he settled Lily on her back in the crib, making sure the rail was settled, before picking it up and sliding it in place. "Sheppard here, what can I do for you Doc?"

"Colonel, I've got something I need to talk to you about."

His weight. Damnit! He'd completely forgotten. "I'm sorry, Doc – it just slipped my mind, can it wait till tomorrow? I promise not to lose a pound or two tonight." He looked at his watch. Less than an hour and a half.

"What? No, not your weight, though I do need to go over that with you, this is something else, and if you don't mind, Son, I'd rather not broadcast it over the entire city."

Right. _Jesus, John, shake it off_, he told himself crossly. "Be right there," he replied. "Sheppard out."

He stared at Lily, reaching up towards the mobile that Zelenka had made for her. "Guess that's our call, kid. Let's go see what Uncle Carson has to say." He could drop her off with Rodney at his lab when he was finished there, and meet Ronon and Lorne in time, but his legs were going to remind him just how much he'd overdone it.

OoO

He hurried into the infirmary, scanning for Beckett even as he passed through the doors. Time was running down. Alicia was helping a tech do inventory, and waved, "If you're looking for Beckett, he's in his office."

Careful of the sleeping baby in his arms, he waved back, "Thanks." He peeled off to the small room tucked in the back of the larger alcove. "Doc?" he called, knocking on the frame even as he walked in.

Beckett was sitting in his chair, and he was surprised to find Rodney and Elizabeth already there. "What, a party and no one told me?"

"Sit down, John," Elizabeth said.

Everyone was acting like someone else had died. "What's going on?" But he did sit.

"Before I explain, Colonel, did the med tech Brodie take a blood sample from you when you were, uh, still pregnant?"

"Yes, and I thought we'd been through this enough, I wasn't ever actually pregnant, just – partially pregnant." John cringed at the partially part. It'd been a lot more than that but he kept hoping if he said it often enough – never mind that the pregnancy was over.

"Delusional," chirped McKay.

"Rodney." Elizabeth shot him a dirty look.

Sheppard glanced at his watch. "You called me down here for a reason, get to it."

Beckett sighed, clearly not eager to reveal what was up. He pushed a paper across the desk towards John. "That's a requisition for the lab to process a blood sample from you."

John readjusted the sleeping bundle. It was amazing how such a small baby could cause his arms to ache. He pulled the paper the remaining way, and flipped it around to read. "So," he said, not finished skimming it completely. "You ordered lots of blood samples as I recall, in fact, I think at one point I accused you of being a vampire in a previous life."

"Aye," Beckett chuckled, "You did at that, but look at the name – I don't allow new med tech's to draw blood until they've been signed off on their training. Brodie hadn't made it that far, and, I never ordered those tests, specifically," and Carson leaned over and pointed at a line with numbers and breakdowns, "information about the retrovirus levels in your DNA."

John's eyes narrowed to those numbers, and they weren't at zero. "You told me I was 'one hundred percent John Sheppard', Doc – that doesn't look like a zero to me."

"And you are," asserted Beckett. "Think of it this way. If you suffer a deep cut, when it heals, it leaves a scar. When we reprogrammed the stem cells with human DNA to go in and repair your cells, the levels that remain are basically byproducts of the reversal. Inactive, but like scar tissue, it's there for the remainder of your life."

He swiveled his glare to encompass Elizabeth and Rodney. "You two knew about this," he accused. "You three knew I had these retrovirus 'leftovers' in my system, and you never told me?"

Rodney pushed away from the wall, "You're missing the point, Colonel. This," he lifted the sheet of paper and thrust it towards John's face, "fills in the missing blanks."

Frowning at McKay, Carson yanked the paper and put it back on the desk. "What Rodney is not so politely saying is that they are after the retrovirus, and possibly, you."

"Why me?"

"Because you're the only living human infected with the retrovirus, plus, Carson was able to heal you, John." She was deadly serious. "I know about some agencies on Earth that are capable of this. They want every advantage they can get their dirty hands on, and a human being with the ability to heal, super human strength, and not to forget, the ability to drain life and regenerate your own! Do you have any idea what they'd do to get their hands on this?"

John stared for a moment at Lily, before lifting to meet her eyes. "I know, Elizabeth. Everyone of us in this room knows."

She paled, and crumpled. "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just – John, if they _are _after you, then this is far from over."

"I never thought it _was_ over," he stressed.

"Could've fooled me."

John's anger bubbled over. "You know what, McKay, if you've got a problem with me, then out with it, because I'm getting sick of the digs."

"The only issue I have is that I keep almost losing you!" Rodney shouted before he could reel himself in, and the instant shock on his face registered to everyone that he hadn't meant to confess anything.

While the two were locked in an emotional see-saw match, Carson and Elizabeth remained silent.

John was relieved that Rodney had opened up, but at the same time, his time was running out, and now more than ever, he thought that maybe Lorne knew something that pertained to the issue at hand.

He swore. "Christ, I've got a meeting with Lorne."

"At this hour?" Elizabeth questioned.

"It's military business," he said. He got up awkwardly, trying his best not wake Lily, though the fact that she'd slept through the heated exchange, seemed to indicate she was down for the night.

He tried to hand her to Rodney, but McKay waved him off. "I'm going with you."

"Rodney, I don't have time for this."

Alicia poked her head in, "Doctor, we've got the inventory done, do you need anything else before we turn over to the night shift?"

Carson waved her in, taking the papers. "Thanks, lass, go ahead and do shift change. I'll see you in the morning."

McKay pulled her back as she started to leave. "Alicia, can you watch Lily? We've got something to go take care of, and Teyla's gone to the mainland for the night."

She paused, "I did have a date."

John poured on the charm, because he was really going to be late if he kept it up. "Just for a couple of hours, promise."

Sighing, she held out her arms. "All right, but two hours, no more," she said sternly.

John eased the baby over, and gave her a quick affectionate peck on the cheek. "Thanks, I don't know what we'd do without you."

"Be miserable," she teased. "Go, do what you need to do, so you can get done and get back. My date is waiting."

Flashing them all a boyish grin, John yanked McKay forward, calling to Elizabeth and Beckett, "Tomorrow!" He meant for another meeting to discuss the recent discovery.

"Tomorrow at eight in the morning, sharp, John!" she shouted. "Don't be late!"

McKay grimaced. "Doesn't she know that some of us aren't morning people?"

John felt good to slip into some easy camaraderie, "Oh, she knows."

"So, where are we going?"

"The north pier, grounding station."

McKay stopped walking. "You're kidding me. That's not even near a transporter!"

John kept on going. "No kidding, you can use the exercise!"

Rodney had to start jogging to catch up. "I should've stayed with Lily," he muttered.

"Nobody made you come," Sheppard reminded him.

"Just, shut – up, trying to breathe, here."

Both of them were starting to breathe hard, because John had set a pace that was faster than a slow jog, and he figured at this rate, they were still going to be late…

OoO

"Where've you been?" Ronon was gruff, when they finally jogged up to the grounding station.

"In another meeting," John said. "Where's Lorne?"

"In there." Ronon thumbed towards the doors that led into a room off the right off the station. "Follow me."

Sheppard almost asked who was in charge, but seeing how he hadn't exactly behaved like it the last week, he decided to keep his mouth shut. He nudged McKay, and they tagged after the Satedan.

Entering the room, John saw Lorne and another marine sergeant standing in a corner. Neither one looked very relaxed.

"Major," greeted John evenly. "What's this about?"

"First, Colonel, this is Sergeant Vasquez. She came over with Everett's team. She had an idea on laying a trap to root out any possible agents."

Sheppard nodded at the female soldier. "Vasquez. What's this about a trap?"

"Sir, the agent has shown an interest in Doctor Beckett's files. What if we plant a false story that an investigation has recovered pertinent information from his computer. We set up the spy program that Doctor McKay found, and reprogrammed, and wait to see who shows to finish hiding their tracks."

"For the last time, it's NOT a spy program."

The dubious look that Ronon gave him, didn't make McKay happier. Sheppard considered the plan. "It might work," he mused. Especially in light of what McKay, Beckett and Elizabeth had revealed to him earlier. "Could you get your program to monitor a specific target?"

"It would take some adjusting, but I could," Rodney said, and from the distracted look, John figured he was already doing the calculations in his head.

"Then it's a plan," said John. "I assume the secrecy is because we don't know who to trust?"

Lorne nodded. "I'm going out on a limb, and trusting you three because you were all attached to Dreya. Vasquez came up with the idea. Let's keep it between us."

"You know you can trust me," rumbled Ronon. He looked meaningfully towards Vasquez. "I hope I can trust her."

"We can't jump at every shadow." Sheppard knew they had to wary of everyone, but at the same time, how can you accomplish anything if you can't take a chance on some. "Vasquez, you and Lorne head back with Ronon, stagger your positions once you leave the north pier. Rodney and I will give you a thirty minute head start."

"Yes, Sir," saluted Lorne. Vasquez nodded their way, and followed him out. Ronon paused.

"Can we trust her?" he asked.

"I don't know." John replied truthfully, because he had no idea, but seeing how it was her idea, he'd like to think they could. They'd know soon enough, if the plan worked. Unless she was giving up a partner, but still, then they'd have one culprit in their hands, and it would be up to them to get the person to break, and spill what they knew. "For now, I guess we have to."

"Good enough," Ronon replied. He wasn't a man to waste words, and he counted to ten before leaving as well.

The door closed, and John turned to Rodney. "Thought you said you couldn't get your program to do individual monitoring?"

"I didn't say that, I said it was more advanced than what you could comprehend, not the same thing." Rodney pulled out a PDA from his jacket. "Now, it'll take me a day, maybe more, because I'd already set it into a pattern, and to change it means rewriting the basic -"

"Rodney," groaned John. "I really don't need to know."

"You asked," McKay reminded him.

But Sheppard was listening to something else. "Shhhh," he said, cocking his head to try and hear better. There was a sound…"Do you hear that?" he asked Rodney.

McKay was staring at him, but listening carefully, and his eyes started to widen in alarm. "That sounds like -"

"Gas!" exclaimed John, turning for the door.

On his heels, they both tried to get the door to respond, but it remained shut. "What the hell," cursed Sheppard. "Rodney?"

McKay was already yanking the panel open, and muttering. "I don't have my equipment, why didn't I bring something, I always bring something," he was panicking.

"Just open the damn door," John urged. He coughed, and tried to get a full breath, but it was becoming hard. "Your radio! Try your radio!" He would've tried his, but he was caught up in a coughing fit, and couldn't seem to stop.

Lifting his hand to the earpiece, McKay tapped it once…twice…before covering his mouth and suppressing a cough. "It's dead." Fear ran rampant across his face.

"Keep trying the door," John ordered. He was feeling dizzy and sick, and the hissing sound was louder in his ears, echoing. Sheppard desperately tried to get the city to respond to his commands and open it.

Rodney was moving crystals, and coughing, every now and then falling against the wall, only to straighten and keep trying. John concentrated harder. He knew if they didn't get the door open, they were dead. Hell, they might be even if they did. His lungs burned. Things were starting to gray out, and Sheppard sent one more desperate plea from his mind, and he felt the city respond, sluggish, as if she'd been diverted, but she did respond.

The door slid open, and both men stumbled and fell out in the clean air. Sucking in lungfuls, John tried to see if Rodney was okay, but the overwhelming dizziness swept him away, and all he knew was the fear that neither one of them would wake up again…

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Okay, I don't often address comments because I'm lazy (hey, I admit my imperfections...most of the time!), but anyway, it just felt 'time'! Lilas, happy sigh, what would life be without the constant threats of bodily torture and maiming if we don't continue? I'd be lost, like a boat at sea in a storm (is it too mushy? A bit overdone? hmmm). Mitch, finals SUCK, so good luck, hope the tests go well. I remember my worst finals year ever. I had Calculus on Monday, followed up by Chemistry the following morning and physics that afternoon. Never one to feel pressure, I remember feeling pretty queasy throughout. I got my A's but that was enough to grow ulcers. And now you've made me go and miss it all, damn you! (just kidding) Vecturist, that's incredibly cool, I had no idea you were a biologist! And I'm also wiping some sweat that the leap wasn't completely impossible. I should start every chapter with a disclaimer "I'm not a doctor, and I don't even play one on TV, so don't shout at me, or I may cry!" Okay, now for the rest of you so you don't feel left out: **I LOVE YOU! I'm asking if I can keep you all squirelled away so you can keep feeding the obnoxiously addicted feedback craving monster...(no, seriously, so you might want to check frequently over your shoulders)! **And I've got to say, about the cliffies, I'm sorry, we just can't help it. It's a disease. Shelly's got a more advanced case than I have, because she's positively brutal with hers, never giving a moments peace, but my case is advancing rapidly. Watch out, it's contagious!

**ABOUT A BABY...part 4**

_Something was pressing him down. There was a heavy weight on him, suffocating him. He tried to suck in lungfuls of air, tried to breathe, but he couldn't and his lungs began to burn and panic set in. He lashed out._

"Colonel!"

The sharp tone brought John to full awareness and even as he opened his eyes he stopped struggling. The grip on his wrists eased and John realized that Ronon was holding him down and that Beckett was standing off to the side, holding a hand over his nose. Confusion washed over him. "Wha...what happened?" His voice was hoarse and felt raw in his throat.

Carson winced, lowering his hand then gently fingering his nose. "You were having a nightmare. But you're all right. We found you in time."

"Rodney?" The panic flared again and John tried to pull out of Ronon's steel grip.

"He's fine. He left about an hour ago to check on Lily." Carson gestured for Ronon to back off as he approached the bed. He patted John on the shoulder. "Rodney said to tell you he'll be back soon and he'll bring Jell-o."

John felt himself relaxing at that and he accepted the glass of water Beckett held out to him and took a few sips. "The gas leak...what happened?"

Carson was fiddling with John's IV. "It was an accident. Major Lorne and Dr. Zelenka checked out everything. It was a stupid malfunction. Thankfully, you and Rodney were able to get out of the room."

"Yeah...we got lucky." John wanted to believe what Beckett was telling him, but he didn't put much faith in coincidences. Someone had trapped them in the room. He was sure of it. But he kept his thoughts to himself for now and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Can I get out of here now?" He figured if Rodney was already up and about, no reason why he couldn't be.

"Not just yet," Carson replied, looking grim as he faced John with arms crossed over his chest. "We never had our talk about your weight."

Swallowing a groan, John put a neutral expression on his face as he shrugged. "That's really not a big deal, Doc. I'll just eat more and everything will be fine. I'll gain it all back."

But Carson shook his head. "It's not that simple, Colonel, and I think you know that. Which is why I'm putting you on a strict diet and assigning Ronon as your food buddy. So to speak."

"Food buddy?" John frowned at Beckett. "What are you talking about?"

"Just what it sounds like." Carson smiled at Ronon then looked back at John. "Ronon will make sure you eat at regular intervals. He will make note of how much you eat and he will report back to me. And you will undergo weekly weigh-ins. I'm also putting you on protein shakes. Two a day."

John stared at Beckett in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?" But by the look on the Scotsman's face, he wasn't kidding. John shook his head. "You know...you're acting like I'm anorexic or something."

A glare was directed at him before Carson responded. "Have you taken a good look at yourself in the mirror lately, Colonel? Do you really not see the way all of your clothes hang off you?" He held up a hand to forestall John's protest. "Now…I'm not saying you have an eating disorder so to speak. But you've never been one to put food on the top of your priority list. In the past you've eaten to maintain good health and so that you would be at peak condition and fitness so you could do your job. But with everything that's happened in the past year, the changes to your body that have been anything but normal...you've now fallen into a pattern that's going to be hard to break. I know you want to be fit again, but it's not going to happen overnight."

"I know that." John felt disgruntled and he let it show. "But...look. I'll watch what I eat and exercise carefully."

"Speaking of exercise, Ronon will also be supervising that aspect of your regimen." Carson actually looked delighted as he spoke. "We've worked out a training schedule to fit your eating schedule. And the lovely part about it all is that you don't have to worry about a thing. Ronon and I will take care of everything. All you have to do is follow our instructions, eat what you're told and such and everything will work out just fine."

John felt anger stirring and he tried to suppress it. He knew Beckett was just trying to help him, but he really was going overboard and John resented it. "I'm not a kid, Doc," John replied, working to keep his tone quiet. "I can take care of myself...and I will do just that. Got it? So no schedules and bullshit!" John's tone sharpened in spite of his good intentions. "Now...take this IV shit out and let me out of here!" John was already tossing back the covers. He needed to be with Lily, then he had to talk to Rodney. They had to figure out who tried to gas them and the list of suspects was pretty narrow. It had to be Lorne or Vasquez and John really hated the thought of it being Major Lorne. His instincts told him Lorne was a good guy, but John couldn't rely on his instincts this time. Too much was at stake. Too much had been lost. If Lorne was the bad guy, John was going to nail his ass.

Carson's eyes turned frosty and he pushed John back against the pillows. "This is how it's going to be, Colonel. You agree to the schedule or you stay in the infirmary indefinitely!" he snapped. "Those are your only options. And as chief medical officer, it is within my power to enforce it. Got it?"

"I don't have time for this!" John let his own frustrations show and he would have said more had Ronon not interjected with a quiet,

"Shut up, Sheppard."

So, John shut up, because he realized he was digging his own grave. However, he wasn't quite ready to give in to Beckett's demands just yet. He remained silent and sullen. He watched Beckett stalk off, muttering to himself, then Ronon shook his head at him and drifted off as well. Once they were gone John cursed himself. He was being an ass again. While he fumed at himself, soft footsteps approached and John looked up to see Alicia smiling at him. "Hi," he said, glad to see a friendly face.

She nodded. "Hi back. So...that went well," she commented.

"I put my foot in my mouth again, didn't I?" John was rueful.

"Pretty much." Alicia fussed with his covers a bit.

John sighed, ran a hand over his face then said, "He's going overboard with this eating shit. I appreciate his concern but it's not a big deal. Catching the bastard that blew up Atlantis...now that's a big deal."

Alicia made a face then she reached out and squeezed John's shoulder. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Sure." John had learned to appreciate the fact that Alicia was always honest with him. About everything.

"Okay...here it is then." Alicia locked eyes with John then said, "Dr. Beckett is right. You need to do as he says, John. You haven't taken an honest look at yourself. You're dangerously thin, which is understandable, but you have to deal with it now. You want to be strong for Lily, you need to be strong physically as well."

It unsettled John to hear what she was saying. He didn't want to believe it but he knew she wouldn't lie to him so he made himself ask, "Do I really look that bad?"

Alicia giggled. "No. You don't look bad because I don't think that's possible." She giggled again when he blushed. "But you're not at your fighting weight, John. And you've got a big fight ahead of you...but you know that. We just want to help you get back to being one hundred percent Colonel John Sheppard again. Is that so wrong?"

"No...it's not wrong. It's just...frustrating." John closed his eyes and wished he could slip into oblivion. "Do me a favor and tell Beckett I'm sorry and I'll do what he wants."

"I'll do that." Alicia patted his shoulder. "Get some rest."

John listened to her walk away then he let himself drift into darkness.

OoO

After an apology to Beckett, a promise to obey Ronon in regards to all things involving food and exercise - albeit a promise made with his fingers crossed behind his back - and forcing himself to choke down almost 2/3rds of his breakfast, John managed to escape the infirmary. He was under orders to rest in his room but John was too wound up to even think about resting. Instead he made a beeline to his room to see Lily. And she was there, safely cradled in Rodney's arms as he fed her. John exhaled the lungful of air he had been holding as relief flooded through him.

Rodney was watching him. "You okay?"

"I'm good. You?" John asked as he and Rodney made a smooth transfer of Lily from Rodney's arms into Johns, and they never once disturbed the bottle.

"I'm fine." Rodney looked distracted and he started pacing. "It had to be Lorne or Vasquez."

John nodded, his focus on Lily. "I know. I find it hard to believe it's Lorne though."

Rodney grimaced. "So do I, actually. But Vasquez has been here since Everett came over and she cleared then and now. So...I don't know what to believe."

"So what do you want to do?" John was fresh out of ideas. The headache he was working on wasn't helping matters any.

"We'll have to set another trap." Rodney was snapping his fingers now then he froze and turned to John. "Have you talked to Ronon about what happened?"

John shook his head. "No, not yet. Didn't get a chance. I'll ask him when he brings lunch...or a stupid snack or something." He winced thinking about the weigh in he had been forced to endure. Seeing the low number hadn't helped his spirits any. He couldn't deny what the numbers said, but he didn't' want to think about it. Unfortunately he was going to have Ronon in his face all the time, so he wouldn't be able to avoid the truth. Not any longer.

Rodney stopped pacing. "What are you talking about? Why would he bring you lunch?"

"Beckett didn't tell you about my food and fitness schedule?" John was a bit surprised by that.

"No, he didn't. Your what?" Rodney made a face then moved into John's personal space while he waited for an explanation.

So John gave him the rundown on what the new deal was as he burped Lily then laid her in her crib for her nap. "If I don't meet the weigh-ins he's threatening me with feeding tubes and shit," John concluded. "Which I know he's not serious about, but this is not something I want to deal with right now."

Rodney was silent a moment then he said softly, "You can't keep running away from things, Colonel. That's not your MO."

"Didn't used to be," John allowed. "And stop calling me Colonel, Rodney. You're freaking me out here."

"I have some work to do in the lab," Rodney said suddenly. He made a run for the door.

John cut him off. "Wait a minute. We're okay, right? I mean...still friends. Still raising Lily and all that?" John held his breath as he waited for the reply.

Rodney locked eyes with John. "You're pretty fucked up right now...but so am I. I need time to deal with things too. But...yeah…we're okay. I guess. We will be." Rodney sounded positive about the last bit.

"Yeah...we will be," John echoed, stepping aside so Rodney can pass. "Let's meet up later to talk about what we're going to do about Vasquez and Lorne."

"Later," Rodney said, then he was gone.

John didn't dwell on how he was feeling right now. He didn't have the luxury to do so. Instead he headed for the shower. After getting dressed he called Teyla in to watch Lily. John had another appointment with Dr. Heightmeyer that he didn't want to miss. IT was time for him to get back on track.

OoO

"What were you dreaming about?" Kate asked.

John frowned at her, realizing he had lost track of their conversation. His mind was more focused on figuring out who had gassed him and Rodney. "What?" John countered.

Kate smiled at him, patiently. "I asked what you dreamed about, when you woke up in the infirmary. You had been dreaming."

"Oh...that." John rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "I dunno...something about the Wraith infiltrating Atlantis. It was nothing." It was a half-truth, is what it was. But John didn't want to get into the significance of dreams with Heightmeyer. A dream was simply that, a dream. John had learned to let them go a long time ago. It was the only way to keep his sanity. Not that he had all that great a hold on it presently. Not after everything that had happened in the past year. But he was working on it. He figured that had to count for something.

"Talking about it might help," Kate prompted.

John shrugged. "It might, if I could remember it. It was just a dream, Doc. Look...are we done? I've got a lot of work to do."

Kate rose to her feet when he did. "How do you feel about being back on the job?" she queried.

"I'll get back to you on that one," John replied, then he headed out the door. Only to run smack dab into Ronon.

"Time to eat," drawled the Satedan.

John scowled at him. "I just ate!"

Ronon cocked an eyebrow, giving him more of a 'Klingonesque' look that usual. "That was two hours ago."

"I'm really not hungry right now." John wanted nothing more than to snatch up Lily, then seek out Rodney so they could talk. John knew he wasn't going to feel safe, and that Lily wouldn't be safe until they knew who the bad guys were. "Look...I'm heading off to find Rodney in a few, I'll eat something then.

"You'll eat now," Ronon replied, but fell silent when an alarm bell suddenly went off. "What's that?"

John had been wondering the same thing. Just then the lights dimmed and John could hear doorways whooshing closed. "Lockdown. We're locking down." He tapped his ear piece. "Rodney...what the hell is going on?"

There was no reply.

"Sonofabitch!" John tapped off and tried Weir. "Elizabeth...this is Sheppard. Do you read me?"

Again, nothing.

Ronon looked unsettled. "This ever happen before?"

"Once. We had a virus." John felt his blood run cold. Lily was locked away from him. He took off running.

"Where are you going?" Ronon asked, as he followed.

John ran for the first transporter. Not surprisingly, it was locked. He slammed his fist into it, not even feeling the pain when the skin on his knuckles split. "I have to get to Lily!" John snarled.

Ronon dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder. "We'll find a way."

**THE END...of part 4**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Some of you are scary perceptive! Here's a double treat for today, call it guilt from leaving you all hanging on those cliffs lately...**  
**

**About a Baby…part 5**

The touch grounded him, and Sheppard looked upwards to Ronon, the strong emotion temporarily bottled while he shared that moment of quiet realization, knowing that this is what they'd been waiting for…and dreading. The agent, or agents, was making a move. It had to be.

He nodded abruptly, acknowledging the runner's promise. "Command center," Sheppard said. "From there, we can access more controls than anywhere else in the city."

"What are we waiting for?" Ronon said, and his tone was laced with the promise of violence.

A hard smile, and Sheppard took off in a run, he knew another accessway to the gateroom that didn't rely on transporters. Rodney and Lily would have to wait…it was time to get down to the dirty business of catching the vermin.

They made record time to the lower level door that led inwards to the gate, and would allow them access to the stairs, but it, like everything else, was shut down. John knew he should be thankful that the route here hadn't been hindered unexpectedly, but now what?

He scowled at the door, trying to think. When the nanovirus had caused the lockdown before, they'd needed haz-mat suits to move freely. If this was a result of a virus –

"You don't think -," he started to say, but then realized Ronon hadn't been there in the city when it had happened. Back then, it'd been Ford on his team. Slamming a fist against the metal wall, the same fist, and boy was it sore now, he was just pissed. Too many bad memories and emotions stuck in his head. "I've got to get in there!" he swore.

And if the agent had released the nanovirus into the air recycling system, they were running against time.

The Satedan pulled out his pistol, and stood ready for the fight. "You've got the gene, open the door."

John fought to control his frustration. "It's not that simple," he said. Running his hands along the wall by the door, he found the crack that ran along the panel, and holding a hand to mark it, he went to pull the knife from his belt.

When it wasn't there, he remembered he'd taken to leaving it off, because he was afraid that Lily would accidentally grab at it.

Knowing what he was after, Ronon slipped his knife out of the sheath strapped against his waist, and flipped it, offering the handle to John.

"Thanks." Sheppard didn't waste time, poking the sharp tip into the thin crack, and prying the panel free. Now to figure out how to short the door controls.

Last year, when Ford had been stuck in the hall with the other soldier, and the energy creature bearing down on them, McKay had talked Ford through the process…but what exactly had the directions been? Think, Sheppard – think!

"Take out the middle crystal," he muttered. "And then…cross against each other?" God, he couldn't remember, but it sounded familiar.

"Sheppard," Ronon pressed, looking around uneasily. "We're targets out here." There'd be two groups of people about - them and the bad guys.

"I know I know, hang on." Closing his eyes and saying a quick prayer that this wouldn't burn it out and make it unable to open regardless of what he did, John crossed the crystals. He said a quick prayer of relief that nothing had melted, exploded or generally disintegrated in his hands, and the very welcome sound of the door swishing open for him greeted his ears.

Exulted, he tossed the crystals to the side, handed Ronon back his knife and withdrew his nine mil. "Let's go," he said, gesturing for the runner to go through first, and move to the right.

They'd go up the stairs, each on a side, and make sure the area was secure.

As they walked, both men moved with precision, and stealth, the military training in both guiding their progress. John crested his side of the stairs, and spun his weapon on to the tech sitting nervously at the console.

The tech paled and lifted his hands tentatively saying, "Colonel Sheppard, Doctor Weir was hoping you'd be able to make it here."

"I bet she was," he said, looking to the side to see just where exactly was Elizabeth. There were only two techs in the main control room, and John could see Weir standing impatiently at her door, but it was sealed tight, and she couldn't get out. Thank goodness for clear glass office walls, he thought with some irony, and he reluctantly recalled how he'd punched a hole through one of those panes not long ago and brought the whole damn thing shattering to the floor in a million shards.

Kind of like their relationship as it stood. Irony wasn't always convenient.

John gestured for the tech to move back with the other. "Do you have a paper and pen?" he asked.

The tech shoved it towards him so fast that John worried the poor man pulled a muscle. John guessed the nine mil that kept pointing his way had something to do with it. "Relax," he drawled. "It's just precaution. In case you're the traitor, and if you are, then the end of this barrel will be the last thing you ever see."

Mockingly cheerful, he took the pen, noticing scribbled words from what must have been their attempts at communicating, including a 'find Colonel Sheppard how?' in the tech's sloppy handwriting on the paper. He found an empty space and wrote _what happened _before holding it up against the glass for Elizabeth to read.

She frowned at the words, before he saw her turn, and lift her own pad and pen, and scribbled something quickly before holding it against the glass.

_I was working in here and the city went into lockdown. You tell me what happened._

Scribbling furiously, he finished and held his paper again. _If I knew that, I wouldn't have asked you! _He resisted the urge to write something else that could be considered rude, and possibly insubordinate.

The dirty look she shot him said enough. She wrote three words and held it up, and he could tell she was fairly radiating anger. _Get Me Out!_

"Oh, sure, I'll just close my eyes, blink twice and say 'Yes, Master'," he bitched. At least he understood where she was coming from. In her position, he'd be pretty pissed also.

John wondered if maybe he ought to shatter the glass again, but discarded the idea. She wasn't any help in a military issue, and at least if she was in there, he knew she was safe.

Despite the glass separating them, she seemed to get the gist of what he said, and where his thoughts were drifting. She didn't look very happy with him. Whatever, he had a job to do, and getting her out was part of that job – but he'd wait before breaking the glass panel. Where was McKay when you needed him?

The one tech that had given him the paper and pen shifted in his chair, trying to scratch an itch he had on his back, but Ronon's slow lift of the wicked pistol that could blast a hole through a body caused him to lower his hands slowly.

"Get the city out of lockdown," John ordered.

"If it were that easy, don't you think I would've done it?" the young tech answered nervously, but there was a hint of anger at being the target of so much distrust.

"For all we know, you're behind it," Sheppard pointed out reasonably. "Now what is it going to take to end it?"

The tech hesitated, but Ronon caressed the butt of his weapon, and the now visibly sweating tech, got up and came back to the panel. He started pushing buttons, trying different combinations, but he was shaking his head negatively even as he worked.

"It's no good!" he swore, frustrated. "I need someone like Doctor McKay or Zelenka, with more knowledge of the system than what I have."

John stared at him, but he wasn't really looking at the tech. Someone had initiated the lockdown, and if it wasn't the techs in the gateroom, who was it, and how many places were there where you could do it…that is assuming the person hadn't released the nanovirus in the air. But if the agent had done that, they would have been exposed anyway, along with everyone else, short of them wearing a haz-mat suit, and in the middle of the day, there wasn't a way to get one without being incredibly conspicuous.

"McKay can fix this?" he asked the tech. He believed him, but John wanted to make sure, before he went off running. There wasn't the chance that Rodney was the agent, right?

The thought made him queasy, and he couldn't believe that the suspicion would even clear his mind, but that's what he was being reduced to, doubting everyone.

Hell, he'd doubted Elizabeth, and truth be told, he was still leery of her, because she was up to something. He didn't know what, but he'd find out. He didn't seriously consider her as the agent, because anyone being that obvious about sneaking around wouldn't last a day, but she _was_ up to something.

But first, the tech had nodded. "And Zelenka," he added.

"Ronon, watch the techs, I'm going after Rodney," John ordered, coming to a decision. He still wasn't convinced of the techs innocence. Elizabeth was a sitting duck, and though John knew he'd been targeted, he had to accept that any of the top leaders of the city were also at risk.

The runner didn't look happy. "Is this one of those times I can disregard your order?"

Sheppard didn't even want to know what that was about. "No," he said tightly. "It's not."

"Okay," Dex said.

He needed to order about a hundred more men like Ronon. "I'll be in touch. Keep him working," he added, pointing at the still pale man. He tried to ignore the gleam in Ronon's eye.

Rodney's lab was accessible without using a transporter, but he'd have to deal with a few doors. Hopefully the crystal trick would get him through where he needed to go.

He made it through the first door easily. The same manipulation worked, and he tucked the knife in his waistband. He'd almost ran off without it, but Ronon tossed it to him before he'd gone five steps.

John knew he needed to focus, or he was going to make stupid mistakes. The thought that this might end with the guilty in his hands practically made his hands sweat and his heart pound out of his chest. He wanted it so bad, he could taste it. He ached with it. For Lily. For Rodney, because even though this level of trickery with the city was in his realm of capabilities, John knew that McKay _wasn't_ capable of that kind of betrayal. Hell, Rodney couldn't even lie to Carson about how many cups of coffee he drank in a day.

Everyone knew you fudged on those types of things. Otherwise you got lectures, and found your coffee cups mysteriously disappearing.

Just as he was prying off the second panel, the door slid open, and Sheppard dropped the knife in shock. "God damn it!" he snarled, as the knife pierced the leather toe on his boot.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Sheppard was bent over, trying to pry the blade free, because it'd gone all the way through the boot and well into his foot. Deciding one fast pull was the way to go about it, he yanked, hard, and fighting down the scream, he realized who had spoken – or more like snarled, snapped and generally acted like he was at fault for the gaping hole in his foot.

"Rodney," he seethed. "You made me stab myself!"

"If you were in the command center, like you're supposed to be -" Rodney grouched, but he was already trying to ease John to the floor, and pulling a handkerchief from his pocket. "Take your boot off."

But Sheppard wasn't cooperating, he pushed Rodney away, and forced himself to put weight on the throbbing foot. "We don't have time for this, Rodney. This is it," he caught McKay's worried look, "the agent's making their move, and we need to catch them, now. End this, before anyone else has to die."

"That's what I was trying to do." Rodney held the handkerchief for a moment, trying to decide whether to let John go as is, or force the issue. His forehead wrinkled, and he stuffed it back in his pocket, apparently deciding to let it go. "I figured you'd head for the gateroom, so I was on my way there – what took me so long, was pinpointing the source of the lockdown. It came from the infirmary."

"The infirmary?"

"I know, that's what I thought, and, get this," he was exuding excitement, "It was supposedly a virus causing the quarantine lockdown."

John narrowed his eyes, and it wasn't all from the fact that he felt blood squishing up between his toes. "Supposedly?"

"Imagine an alarm system, your standard run of the mill personal security home system – if you trigger the window, or door, it sets off the alarm, right?"

Sheppard nodded, and forced another step. There was enough blood in his boot now that he felt like he was walking in a puddle.

"For each trigger, there is a code that the monitoring system interprets. You can input that code to test the system, also, kind of a reverse trigger – someone inputted the code for the quarantine, from the infirmary, to simulate the conditions and initiate the lockdown."

"So there's no virus," because John really wanted to be clear on that.

"No virus, but, I think they might have caught themselves in the infirmary," Rodney added, moving faster ahead down the corridor. "Unlike a home security system, the Ancients didn't program in a thirty second delay so you could have time to turn off the alarm- or in this case, escape."

John stopped walking. "Then we need to go to the infirmary."

"Not without back-up," Rodney replied. "Colonel – John," he looked flustered, "We know what this person is capable of. We both know the poison gas leak was intentional, and the two suspects high on the list are trained military soldiers, and while I accept that you could probably hold your own, or, close, I'd be hard pressed not to shoot you by mistake!"

Shaking his head, John wasn't accepting it. "Rodney, even as we argue, this person is working to escape. We can't let them get away. We need to go _now_."

He could tell McKay desperately wanted to argue with him about the sanity of what they were about to do. John got that. It was dangerous. But letting the agent get away was even more dangerous. He saw the resolve tighten around McKay's mouth, and the scientist held out a hand. "Give me your extra pistol. I know it's there, you always carry an extra."

Despite the gravity of the situation, John couldn't help but smile. He reached down to his ankle, and withdrew the small Smith and Wesson he kept available. He handed it to Rodney, pointing at the safety. "Don't take it off until we're near the infirmary."

"What is this? A pop gun? You can't be serious, this wouldn't kill a duck."

"It'll kill a lot more than a duck. It's not so much the gun that matters, as the bullets, Rodney."

John had already started towards the infirmary, and Rodney was reluctantly following, still looking at the gun with skepticism. "No, I think it's as much the gun as the bullets," he asserted. "But, all the same, I'll try not to hit you, just in case, because you're a lot more than a duck."

"That's comforting."

"What?"

John sighed. His foot was hot and blood slicked, and it hurt like a sonofabitch. "That you think of me as more than a duck." And there was a line he'd never thought he'd say.

"Don't be comforted. It's just this thing I have with ducks. They're scary. Did you know I was almost stampeded by a gaggle of geese when I was a kid?"

Rodney was holding the weapon stiffly, and tagging close on John's heels. Very close, and John knew if he stopped, McKay would bump into him. He also knew that Rodney was starting to babble because he was nervous. Yet, stampeded by geese? "You have issues – geese?"

McKay shrugged, the hand with the gun not moving as high as the other. "I had bread. They wanted bread. Believe me," he chuckled harshly, "I let them have the bread."

John would've liked to have gone on with the completely off-the wall conversation to keep Rodney calm, but they'd arrived outside the infirmary corridor. Once they approached the door, they were visible, because the doors were similar to Elizabeth's, except the frosted caduceus in the middle. It'd be damn hard to hide their approach.

He stopped, and sure enough, Rodney ran into his back. John didn't roll his eyes, because it was reassuringly typical. "Can you do this?"

"You ask me this now?" Rodney blustered, having stepped back a foot.

Now he did roll his eyes. "Get the doors open as fast as you can, stay to the side," John ordered. He waved the pistol for Rodney to go, then followed closely behind.

As McKay worked on the panel, and pulled it free, John tried to surreptitiously view through the door without being seen. He could make out two dark figures standing apart, but he could hear only muted murmurs and nothing else.

"Someone's there, all right," he announced to Rodney. "And seeing how Beckett wear's a white coat, I don't think the two dark shapes are him or another doctor."

Rodney kept working. He pulled out a clear crystal, examined it, decided it was the wrong one, and plugged it back in, before removing another. "Why they had to go and make this a different design -" he bitched.

Even as he complained, he slid another crystal in place, and the doors slid open. John was instantly tense, and moved in, his gun aimed at the figures before the doors had finished opening.

"Hands up where I can see them!" he shouted.

The two figures turned towards him, and John was startled to realize Vasquez was holding a gun on Alicia, who was dressed in off-world gear. Then he remembered what Teyla had said about her training to join missions.

Vasquez. It couldn't be that easy, could it? "Drop it, Vasquez. There's no other ending to this that leaves you alive if you don't."

The marine was pissed, but also sweating nervously. "Sir, you don't understand!" She started to move a hand to her jacket, the gun hand remaining steady. "I know who the trai -"

The pop of a gun, and Vasquez stared uncomprehendingly at John, even as she collapsed to the ground, blood spraying from a gunshot wound to the head.

What the fuck? Sheppard spun around, and saw Rodney looking at the body in shock, and further behind him, Major Lorne, pistol drawn, and face composed. "She was going to shoot you, Sir."

"She was trying to tell me something, you stupid son of a bitch!" Sheppard ran at Lorne, and thrust him angrily against the wall. Lorne let his gun drop, and shook his head, his composure not even suffering from a blink.

"Colonel, think about it. She's an agent. Do you think she was gonna tell the truth? She was buying time while she went for another weapon, and then she would've shot you, and gotten away."

Rodney was coming out of his stupor. "I was here," he said, offended by the insinuation that he would've been incapable of helping. He held up the tiny gun. "I was ready!"

John released Lorne, but the threatening stance remained. He cast a quick glance to McKay. "You left the safety on."

"God damn it, why don't they make these things more like computers!" Rodney swore. "If I point and click, boom…why even have a safety? If I'm pulling the trigger, I want the thing to shoot! Have you ever seen a safety on a mouse? Do you know how much research I've lost over the years because there's no safety on a mouse?"

John strode over, handed Rodney his nine mil, and directed his hand till it was pointing at Lorne. "Watch him. If he moves, shoot."

Not liking it, because Lorne had been there for them before, McKay kept his hand up anyway.

Alicia was still standing frozen to the spot, not sure how to react, and Vasquez, she was bleeding all over the floor like a stuck pig. John jogged to her side, and knelt down, even while waving at Alicia to get over there. Rewarded by breath sounds, Sheppard needed Vasquez alive. "Save her!" he gestured to the nurse. "Where's Beckett?"

The nurse's eyes traced down to a slumped body that was behind a gurney, and John's eyes widened. He got up and ran over, kneeling now beside the CMO that had done so much for him, and thinking back to their last encounter. It hadn't been nice.

Beckett was alive, but the head wound was reopened and bleeding, badly. John closed his eyes, and rocked back on his haunches, and thanked whoever existed up above. "He's unconscious, but alive. Who's the doctor on call?"

"We need to turn off the lockdown," Rodney called. "Whoever it is won't matter if they can't get here."

Only one nurse and one man capable of interfacing into the system and shutting the lockdown off, and one soldier to watch Lorne. John thought for a moment, before coming to a decision. Beckett meant more than answers. He waved at Alicia. "Help Beckett, McKay, work on the lockdown." He got to his feet, and strode over to Rodney, taking the gun and relieving him so he could work.

Everyone headed off to handle their chores, while Lorne folded his arms and regarded Sheppard unapologetically. "I wasn't going to let her kill you, Colonel."

"That wasn't for you to decide, and besides, how did you get here when everyone else is stuck behind doors?"

Lorne answered coolly, "The same way you did, Sir."

"Look, Major, this isn't personal, but you shot someone just as she was going to tell me who the traitor was, and you conveniently show up at the right moment, while the city is in lockdown – wouldn't you be suspicious?" Sheppard argued.

"Are you forgetting who she was pointing a gun at? You think she was trying to get the nurse to play doctor?"

Good point. Why had Vasquez been pointing a gun at Alicia?

"What was she doing?" John called, knowing the nurse was listening even as she pressed a bandage to Beckett's wound.

"I don't know," Alicia answered honestly. "I came in to get my pack, I'd forgotten to take it with me and we were going off-world for a short training exercise, and I found her leaning over Doctor Beckett. I saw the gun…" she paused, her voice cracking slightly.

"And," urged Sheppard. This wasn't the time for emotions.

"When she saw me, she fixed the gun on me, and demanded I get Carson's files on the retrovirus. I didn't want to," she looked pleadingly at John for a moment, as if trying to explain why she had cooperated, "but she shot the wall next to my head and told me the next time she wouldn't miss. I didn't know what to do, so I started getting the information. While I was in there, she did something, and put the city in lockdown. She told me nobody could help me now."

The sudden cessation of alarms left a silence that was almost unnerving. He'd gotten used to the wailing, and hadn't even realized it.

Rodney approached, smiling smugly. "Lockdown is ended. No nanovirus detected, so, it was like I said, she inputted the code to simulate a situation."

"Good," breathed Sheppard. That was something, at any rate. Holding his second in command at gunpoint, the chief medical officer and good friend bleeding out on the floor, along with the possible connection to the guilty parties behind the bombs and everything else, dying a few feet away, he could only cling to what _hadn't _happened. "Get Elizabeth on the radio, and tell her we need a security team and extra medical personnel, ASAP."

McKay nodded, and headed off to do it. John's gun never wavered from Lorne.

OoO

"I can't believe the lass beaned me," grouched Beckett.

For a change, Sheppard was the one sitting by the bed. He was in the chair next to Carson's bed, Rodney and Ronon near, while Elizabeth and Teyla were on his other side. Lily was in Rodney's arms now. She'd been with Teyla during the incident, and thankfully none the wiser of what had gone down.

John jerked his head at the gauze. "She got you good, too."

"Aye, my pounding head won't let me forget."

Elizabeth affectionately patted Carson's shoulder. "Doctor Biro says you'll be up and about in no time, if you rest when you should."

"Besides, Sheppard's foot required more stitches than your head," Ronon offered, trying to be sympathetic, but all that did was cause the color to drain from Carson's face.

"Stitches in his foot?" Beckett asked worriedly, transferring his attention to John.

Hence, the reason why John was the only one sitting, but he shrugged off the worried look. "It was only five, a flesh wound."

"Colonel Sheppard stabbed himself with a knife during the rescue," Teyla explained, and she was enjoying it far too much.

"Rodney startled me, and I can't help it if Ronon keeps his knife sharper than -"

"I didn't startle you!" interrupted McKay. Lily fussed, and ended up swiping Rodney in the jaw when she flung back a fist in her irritable sleep. "Besides, even if I did surprise you, and I'm not saying I did, but aren't you supposed to be able to handle those things without dropping your weapons and maiming yourself?" Rodney carefully eased the baby's arm back into the blankets and bounced her into peacefulness again.

Alicia wandered over, and reminded them "Doctor Beckett needs his rest, doctor's orders," before angling towards the other occupied bed.

Vasquez. She hadn't died, but she was in critical condition, with a bullet lodged in her brain, and enough gray matter displaced that the outlook didn't bode well for her.

"Teyla, Ronon, could I see you for a minute?" Elizabeth called. "John, you and Rodney get some rest, and stay off that foot, I need you back to full strength."

Even while John was getting irritable over the sneaking behavior, again, she had to go and throw out concern for him. He didn't think the thing with Ronon and Teyla was nefarious, but it was beginning to seriously grate on his nerves, and casting a look at Ronon, he mentally promised to get to the bottom of it.

Ronon lifted a casual hand, and followed after Teyla and Elizabeth.

That left Rodney and John alone with Beckett, and Carson was looking too intently at him for Sheppard's comfort. He stood up, and reached for the crutches Biro had insisted he use for at least a few days, to give the stitches time to take. Depending on how fast it healed, was how fast he'd get rid of the annoying things.

"Take care, Doc," John said.

He knew that if Carson's head hadn't been hurting so much, he would've pressed Sheppard more about the injury, but as it was, Beckett would have to trust in the other doctor's care and heal himself first, before getting back into healing others.

Rodney nodded towards Carson. "We'll be back later," he added. "Biro wants to check Sheppard's stitches and make sure the wound is staying closed. It was to the bone."

Even as they left, Beckett was opening his mouth to call after them, because of that last tidbit Rodney had given. Once they'd cleared the doors and were in the hall, Sheppard hissed at Rodney. "Did you have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Tell him it went to the bone, god, Rodney, it's not like the man doesn't hover enough!" exclaimed Sheppard, grunting from trying to move on crutches. "How the hell did you do this and help me through labor!" he finally snapped. Trying to walk with these was wearing him out worse than a hard run.

"It wasn't easy," retorted Rodney, "but I made a promise."

Sheppard sighed. He was tired. Biro had said he'd lost a little more blood than she felt comfortable with, because the wound had gone untreated for hours, and combined with the blood pressure medication, his blood hadn't clotted like it should – "You got Lily? I need to go talk to Lorne." He didn't say interrogate. He wasn't there yet.

Lorne was cooling his heels in the brig, though. Too many coincidences, and despite Alicia's claim that Vasquez had knocked Beckett out and demanded the files on the retrovirus, it didn't make sense. They'd already gotten into Beckett's files, so what else would they need, and further, what had Vasquez been about to say? Not to mention that Lorne himself had brought Vasquez into their confidence, and he and Vasquez were the others that knew about their meeting.

Hell, for all he knew, both of them were agents, working together, and he'd set her up to take a fall and throw suspicion off him.

"No, you're going to go to bed, Biro told me to make sure you did, and Ronon is bringing your very delayed lunch by." Rodney didn't give John a chance to argue, instead he pushed the spot on the map to take them to the level that had their living quarters on it.

John debated on reaching out and hitting the level for the brig, but he was exhausted. He hadn't been back in the swing of things long enough, and he hadn't gotten back to his same level of fitness yet.

"It's too bad Beckett didn't see who hit him," mused John, as he followed Rodney out the transporter.

"When is anything ever that simplistic?"

"Still," said John.

They arrived at their quarters, and the door slid open, the smells of baby, and dirty socks hitting him in the face. It felt like home, and he suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to fall on his bed, and stay there for a long long time.

Rodney moved to the crib and settled the baby down. She'd woken up on the walk back, but was happy and smiling, content to bat at the mobile and look around her.

Then, he turned to John, and pointed to the bed. "Now," he said sternly. "Because I'm not carrying you when you fall on your face."

"I look that bad, huh?"

"Bad would be an improvement," Rodney said.

John dropped the crutches to the ground and started fumbling with the laces on his boots, but the pain medication was catching up to him, and his fingers didn't want to cooperate.

McKay sighed impatiently, before striding over and shoving his hand aside. "God, you're pitiful."

"And you're here with me, so what does that say about you?"

"That I'm a sucker for insufferable Air Force officer's."

John snorted. "Yeah, you do have a thing for Air Force, don't you?"

The conversation was drifting into uncomfortable territory, and if John hadn't been giddy from pain killers, he probably would've treaded more softly, but as it was, he was, and he touched McKay on the shoulder until Rodney looked him in the eye.

"You don't have to hide from me," he said thickly. "Never me."

McKay pushed his hand aside, and shoved him so he toppled on the mattress. "I'm not hiding," he retorted gruffly.

"Fine, running then," John countered, staring up at the ceiling.

A harsh chuckle and Sheppard felt his bed dip with Rodney's weight as the man sat by his legs, and he started propping up John's injured foot with a pillow. "Running, possibly. In fact, quite probably," he admitted. Once finished he stood up and looked down at John's flushed face and added softly, "But I'm not the only one."

Before John could reply, he walked away, and Sheppard heard the water running. By the time McKay got back with the glass, John had fallen into an exhausted drugged slumber…

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

AN: So, you all suspect a certain someone while pleading it not be the other one, while one lies in a coma! You guys kill me, but in a good way! Shelly and I were talking about how fast you guys catch things (and we're trying hard to not grumble about the perceptiveness)...but don't worry, we've still got a few twists and turns to take!****

**ABOUT A BABY...part 6**

When John woke up he felt like shit. His foot throbbed, his head ached and his body felt heavy and clumsy. Despite all the above he got off the bed and hobbled into the bathroom. After emptying his bladder, he stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower. Showering while standing on one foot and attempting to keep the bandages dry about did him in, but John managed. He needed to feel clean and clear-headed. By the time he finished and was drying off, he was both of those things. Along with exhausted to the bone.

Hobbling back out to his room, John managed to get dressed. A slow and rather excruciating process and it wasn't until he was about ready to pull on his socks did he realize he wasn't alone. Which shook John more than it should have. He should have been more aware of his surroundings. Before hobbling into the bathroom he had checked for Lily and not seeing her had figured she was with Rodney, since he was gone too. But Rodney happened to be staring at him from across the room. Panic flooded over John. "Where's Lily? Is she okay?"

"She's fine, she's with Teyla." Rodney rose from the chair he had been sitting in and crossed the room. "Take these." He held out two white pills and a glass of water. "And just so you know, Alicia is on her way to re-bandage your foot. Idiot. You know you're not supposed to get the stitches wet." It was said with both affection and frustration coloring Rodney's tone.

"Oh," was all John had in reply, as he accepted the pills and downed them. Then he asked, "How's Vasquez?"

Rodney grimaced. "She's in a coma. It doesn't look good."

John cursed. "We need her alive!" he spat, then winced at the pain that stabbed in his temples from being so loud. Rubbing at them, John spoke more softly. "Do you think she's the one?"

"I don't know." Rodney looked as tired as John felt. "She was holding a gun on Alicia and Alicia wouldn't lie to us. The thing is, there's just no real proof it was her. And then that whole thing with Lorne shooting her..." he trailed off.

"Yeah...I trust Lorne, but..." John fell silent as well. Just then a knock sounded and he watched Rodney let Alicia in. John didn't say a word as she went to work on his foot. He noticed she looked tired and a bit pale and her hands seemed a little shaky. "You okay?" he asked, when she was finished.

Alicia expelled a sigh while tucking a lock of hair behind one ear. "I'm just tired. With Dr. Beckett off his feet and Sgt. Vasquez in a coma...it's been a rough night."

John felt guilty and said as much. "Sorry to add to the burden." He pointed at his foot with its new dressing. "I'll be more careful in the future."

"Use these." Alicia bulled out what looked like a handful of baggies from her tunic pocket. "They'll help keep the stitches dry."

"Thanks." John accepted the bags, placed them on the bed table, then searched for his crutches. Rodney held them out and helped him to his feet.

Alicia studied him a moment, appeared satisfied that he could handle things from here, then headed for the door. "Don't forget to eat," she called out over her shoulder and even as the door opened, Ronon was standing there with a tray. Alicia grinned at John, looking a bit less tired for a moment, then she was gone.

Ronon stepped in, setting the tray down at the side table. "Time to eat," he growled.

"I have work to do in the lab," Rodney interjected. "I'll see you later." He offered half a wave then he was gone as well.

"I can't eat all that," John declared, as he examined the tray. "You're helping, right?" He looked up at Ronon who shook his head. "I can't eat all that," John repeated. And he wasn't trying to be difficult. After the pain killers from last night, his stomach felt queasy and just the smell of the food was making him nauseous.

Ronon shrugged. "Try."

Knowing it was pointless to argue, John hobbled over and sat down. He picked up his fork, took one bite of the mushy thing that passed for eggs and felt himself turn green. Thankfully, Ronon noticed and helped him into the bathroom by pretty much carrying him there. John didn't complain. He was too busy heaving his stomach contents into the toilet. When he was done he sat back against the wall and accepted the towel that Ronon handed him. "Can we try this later?" he asked, weakly.

"Later," Ronon confirmed, then he hauled John up and got him into bed.

OoO

John managed to eat a third of what Ronon brought him for lunch. He felt better, having downed four Tylenol for pain before his power nap and after another four the pain in his foot was there but at an acceptable level. So he was able to hold a meeting with Elizabeth and hobble down to Rodney's lab to discuss what they could do next before needing another four pills. He then made his way down to the infirmary and plastered a smile on his face as he spoke with Beckett. The Scotsman was cranky and making life miserable for his staff, who refused to let him get out of bed until tomorrow. John rather enjoyed the show, making sure Beckett didn't see how tired he was or the fact that his foot was throbbing like a bastard.

After a few minutes with Beckett, John moved to visit Vasquez. She looked like death warmed over and he felt a stab of sadness and regret and, not solely in a positive light. He wanted her better, but not just because she was one of his people, but because she could be the sonofabitch who killed Dreya and so many others. John needed to find out the truth.

His next stop was the brig and John was more than a little relieved to hobble into Lorne's cell then sit down on the bench beside him, ditching his crutches. "How are you doing, Major?" John asked.

"Been better, Sir," Lorne replied, not looking at him.

"I hear that," John stated. He studied the other man for a moment and Lorne looked like hell. It was pretty obvious he hadn't slept since he'd shot Vasquez.

John focused on his own hands as he said, "She didn't have a gun."

Lorne stiffened. "Sir?"

"We checked, she didn't have a gun." John was not happy having to relay this news. Straightening his good leg, John reached into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of material which he held out to Lorne. "This was what we found. This patch." It was black with red and white symbols which looked like triangles, intertwined. And within the triangles were what looked like the Roman numeral 3.

"What is that?" Lorne asked, not reaching for it. He stared at it with an expression of horror, no doubt the realization of what he had done sinking in deep. He had shot and unarmed soldier.

John studied the patch. "We don't know and with Vasquez in a coma, we can't ask her."

Lorne looked sick. "I thought she had a gun, I swear, Sir! It looked like she was going for a gun."

"I believe that you shot her because you felt I was in danger," John replied.

"But you don't trust me." It was a statement, not a question, and Lorne's tone was flat.

John made a face as he considered how to reply. He wanted to trust Lorne. "I don't know what to think right now," he confessed. "But Dr. Weir trusts you to the point where she's asked me to release you. You'll be grounded to Atlantis but you'll be out of the brig." John hadn't been too willing to agree to this at first, but he could tell that Elizabeth really did believe in Lorne and since John knew all about trusting one's instincts, he decided to trust in his, which told him he could trust in Elizabeth's.

Lorne looked surprised. "So...I'm free?"

"So to speak," John allowed. "We're still investigating so you'll be watched, but you're out of here at least."

"Thank you, sir," Lorne replied, sounding hollow. But he stood up at attention. "May I leave now?"

John nodded. "Go ahead." He watched Lorne walk out, not budging from the bench. Instead he leaned back against the bars and closed his eyes. He was so tired of being so damn tired.

OoO

Four days later, life was a bit more normal. John was off crutches, Beckett was back to work, Vasquez was still in a coma and nothing more had happened so John was grateful for that alone. He spent every moment he could with Lily, tried to choke down the food that Ronon brought him, while avoiding Beckett's lectures because he had only gained half a pound in a week.

On the home front, John slipped back into a more comfortable relationship with Rodney as they both made a point of avoiding the gigantic white elephant that was always in the room with them. John told himself that sometimes avoidance was the right thing to do. They had other things to focus on right now. Like finding the bad guy.

Lily seemed to be the only person who wasn't feeling the weight of what felt like oppression that seemed to cloak the very air of Atlantis. John felt it and it manifested itself in his dreams. Sleeping was a struggle and he was thankful to Teyla who came in just last night to say goodnight to Lily and had caught him in a nightmare. She had checked on Lily then soothed John back to sleep with a backrub. This morning he had awakened with Teyla curled up next to him and the realization that he hadn't dreamed for once.

Slipping out of bed, John checked on Lily then jumped in the shower. After getting dressed he found Lily was awake and playing with her mobile so John changed her, got her dressed and was feeding her when Rodney came in. He had John's breakfast tray. "Where's Ronon?" he asked.

"Elizabeth sent him to the mainland for supplies so he asked me to bring your tray." Rodney set it on the table then stared at the bed, where Teyla was still sleeping.

"She gave me a backrub to help me sleep," John explained, and he felt the need to do so, which bothered him a bit. Everyone knew that he and Teyla were nothing more than friends and teammates.

Rodney scowled but nodded. He moved to take Lily so John could eat but the moment she was in his arms she started crying. Screaming cries that woke Teyla.

John took Lily back and she quieted immediately, but was a bit fretful.

"Guess she's not happy with me today," Rodney stated, sounding hurt. "She should get in line." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked absolutely petulant.

"Who else did you piss off?" John queried, trying to hide a grin.

Rodney shrugged. "Zelenka."

By this time Teyla was up and stretching, Lily's cries having woke her. She assessed her surroundings them moved to take Lily from John. "Sit and eat, I will care for her," she said.

But Lily had other ideas. She started screaming again the moment she was out of John's arms. So Teyla handed her back.

"I guess she's daddy's girl today," John said, as he bent his head to kiss her forehead. Her skin was warm and flushed but John figured that was a given after her little screaming fit. He snugged her into the crook of his left arm then reached for his fork. "I can eat and hold her," he said to Rodney, who was glaring at him. "Won't be the first time."

Wouldn't be the last time that day either. As it turned out, Lily screamed if John wasn't' holding her so he spent the entire day limping through Atlantis with Lily in his arms. Which wore him out far more quickly than he would admit to anyone. And by suppertime John was feeling as cranky as Lily, who was becoming fretful even in his arms. He laid down with her on his chest and hummed them both to sleep.

John came awake with a start, feeling hot and sweaty and realizing that it was Lily's mewling cries that had awakened him. That and the heat of her tiny body. She was burning up. Panic flaring through him, John grabbed his radio and contacted Beckett who said he was on his way. And he was serious. Three minutes later he was knocking at the door and John let him in. He thrust a crying Lily at him. "She's burning up! What do I do?"

"Calm down, first thing," Carson replied. He gestured for John to lay Lily down in her crib then he examined her, cooing softly as she fussed and fretted.

All the while John alternately hovered or paced, pausing once to contact Rodney who came racing into the room, huffing and puffing.

"Is she all right?" What's wrong? What happened?" The last was almost an accusation that he launched at John.

"I don't know what happened!" John snapped back.

Carson intervened. "It looks to me like she has an ear infection which is quite common," he stated. "I'll give her an antibiotic and some Tylenol and she'll be good as new in no time. Well...after a day or two of fussing." He looked at John. "I need you to hold her while I give her a shot."

John balked and backed away. "Not me." He remembered the first time Beckett had given Lily a shot, without warning John what to expect. Lily's screams still haunted him.

"I'll do it." Rodney shouldered John out of the way. "Big, brave, soldier," he mocked. But by the time the shot was over, Rodney looked pale and he was shaking.

"Here, Colonel." Carson scooped Lily up and gave her to John. "Keep a check on her temperature and call me if it doesn't' come down. Oh...and make sure you eat and get some sleep or I'll haul you both into the infirmary." That said, Carson leaned in to kiss Lily's cheek, uncaring when she batted at him with a tiny fist. Then he was gone, leaving John and Rodney alone. Something they had been fairly good at avoiding being. At least here in this room.

John moved to sit in the rocking chair, cooing at Lily as she fussed.

Rodney moved to sit on the bed. He watched John and Lily for a time, saying nothing. Then, abruptly, he got up and headed for the door.

"Stay!" John called out, watching Rodney freeze. He didn't want to be alone with Lily right now. He was tired of feeling alone and disconnected. "Please stay," John repeated, softer this time.

"Um...I guess I could, for a while." Rodney turned around and came back to sit on the bed. "I really do have work to do."

John locked eyes with him. "You have work to do right here, helping me take care of Lily. She matters most." No matter that things were uncomfortable between them at times, he knew that their daughter would bind them together and he was willing to use that right now.

Rodney nodded, looking ashamed. "Of course she does," he whispered. "Uh...can I get you anything? You should probably eat something."

"I'm good," John waved a hand for Rodney to sit back down. "Ronon will show up when it's chow time. He's like a freaking terminator or something."

"Yeah...be glad he's on your side," Rodney countered, relaxing a bit. "Even knowing that he scares me sometimes."

John grinned. "Yeah...it's cool though. Sometimes I feel like he's Chewbacca to my Han Solo."

Rodney snorted. "You wish."

John had a great retort to that only Lily decided it was time to intervene with some fretful crying. John got up and started walking about the room to soothe her. It took ten minutes to get her to sleep and when he tried to sit back down again, she started crying again.

And that was how John's night passed. He paced until his foot was throbbing. Swallowed Tylenol to get him by. Choked down a few bites of food with Ronon scowling at him, then Beckett would show up and give Lily more Tylenol. She was doing good until bedtime when her fever soared to 104 and Rodney went into panic mode. John wasn't far behind him. The rest of the night passed in a blur of trying to cool Lily down until the Tylenol kicked in, then walking with her until John no longer felt the pain in his foot. His entire body felt numb.

Two days passed the same way. By the time Lily's fever broke and she ate well, before falling into a peaceful slumber, John was done in. No one had been able to comfort her except for him and now he was paying the price. He vaguely remembered Rodney taking Lily from him then collapsing onto the bed. Everything after that was fuzzy.

Until John woke up from a nightmare. A Wraith had infiltrated the city and kidnapped Lily. John couldn't find her and she grew up to become a Wraith, returning twenty years later to kill him, blaming him for her mother's death.

"John!"

He blinked hard and brought Rodney's face into focus, trying to ignore the way his heart thudded hard in his chest and that he couldn't seem to breathe properly.

Rodney was rubbing his back. "Easy...it was just a dream."

"Lily?" John was halfway off the bed, but when his feet hit the floor his knees buckled.

"She's fine, lay down." Rodney pushed him back against the pillows, reaching for the covers and drawing them over John. "She's sleeping, which is what you need to do. Here...take this." He held out a pink pill.

John stared at it suspiciously. "What is it?"

Rodney sighed. "Something to help you sleep. Carson dropped it off when he checked on Lily. Just swallow the damn thing." He held out a glass of water.

"Thanks." John took it and the pill and swallowed it down with on gulp. "You're sure Lily's okay?"

"She's fine."

"Vasquez?"

Rodney shook his head. "No change."

John was disappointed to hear that. "But she's still alive?"

"Yeah." Rodney fussed with the covers.

"We have to figure out what to do," John whispered. "We have to figure this out, Rodney."

A heavy hand squeezed John's shoulder. "I know. We will. Sleep." Rodney got up and turned off the lights.

John let himself drift into darkness, knowing that he wasn't alone.

OoO

A week later John was restless. Lily was fine, his foot felt fine, and he wanted back out through the gate. He needed the distraction since they were getting no where in figuring out who the bad guy was. Nothing more had happened since Vasquez had been shot so it was looking more and more like she really was the one. But something inside John was telling him this wasn't over yet.

Neither was his food and fitness regime over. Beckett was peeved that he had only gained a pound so Ronon was still breathing down John's neck. He was tired of it. To the point that when the big guy made the mistake of stepping into his personal space to intimidate John into eating, he got a fist to the nose for his efforts. It hurt like hell, making John shake his hand, but he felt a bit of satisfaction at the fact that he'd made Ronon stumble back a few steps. Still shaking his hand, John glared at Ronon.

"Feel better?" Ronon asked, as he pinched the bridge of his nose. But he showed no other, outward sign, of being punched.

"As a matter of fact, I do," John replied, deciding there was no reason not to be honest.

Ronon nodded then pointed to the tray of food on the table. "Good...now eat."

John bit back a sharp retort, stomped over to the table, sat down and started eating.

OoO

"I want to go on a mission," John stated, as he faced Elizabeth from across her desk. "Me and the team. We need to get back out there."

"Are you sure you're ready, John?" Elizabeth countered, looking skeptical.

He sighed and started pacing. "I'm ready. Believe me I'm beyond ready. I need to be doing something."

Elizabeth studied him a moment then asked, "Will Carson clear you?"

"I don't see why not." John made a face as he said it. In truth he was pretty sure he'd have a bit of a fight on his hands on that end. He'd only gained 2 pounds total since his food and fitness regime had been put in place and Beckett was pissed at him. Not that John felt it was his fault. He had a good metabolism and he'd been doing extra workouts in his room. So the blame wasn't with Ronon either. "Look, Lt. March's team discovered that coin on M3X-884. Rodney thinks it might mean something since the symbol on it is Ancient...which you verified."

"Actually...you picked up on that first," Elizabeth countered, grinning. "Guess our lessons have taught you something."

John chuckled. "Yeah, well...you're a pretty good teacher."

Elizabeth accepted the compliment. "You're not such a bad student, when you apply yourself."

"I guess. So...can I take the team to the planet? Just do a scout around?" John was getting ready to beg if he had too. And he might have had Rodney not popped in just now, with Lily in his arms. Whom he thrust at John. "It's your turn to watch her. You're late. I have work to do."

"In a minute." John glanced at his watch. He was late.

Rodney huffed his frustration, even as he cradled Lily back against his chest. Just in time for her to puke on him. He squeaked in horror and thrust her at John. "She puked on me!"

John studied the slimy mess on Rodney's shirt front. "You fed her that pea stuff again, didn't you? I told you she doesn't like it."

"It's good for her," Rodney shot back, as he used the burp rag to rub at his shirt. "I have to change." He ran out, holding one hand over his nose and mouth.

"So…can we go?" John asked, not missing a beat as he turned back to Elizabeth with Lily tucked in one arm.

Elizabeth came over to give Lily a kiss and tap at her nose to make her smile. "I'll talk to Beckett and we'll go from there," she said, with an edge of finality in her tone.

John could live with that. For now. "Thanks," he said, and he meant it.

"Do you think this is over?" Elizabeth asked, as he was heading for the door.

"I want it to be," John replied, knowing exactly what she was asking. "But...I don't think it is."

Elizabeth looked disappointed, but she nodded. "I'll get back to you," she promised.

John waved and headed out. He wanted to spend some quality time with Lily before the shit hit the fan again.

OoO

One week later to the day, John stood before the gate with his team. Convincing Beckett to let him go hadn't been easy, but he'd actually had his team to back him up. They all had cabin fever and everyone promised to look out for him. Which left John feeling like he was about five years old instead of the team leader, but he didn't argue the point, since it got him what he wanted in the end.

Elizabeth moved down the stairs to join them. "Ready to venture out again?" she asked.

"More than ready," John replied, smiling. He looked at his team, grinning as he watched Rodney checking his vest pockets to be sure he had enough power bars on him, then he faced Elizabeth again. "Maybe our luck will change and we'll come back with a ZPM or something."

"That would be nice," Elizabeth allowed. "Be safe."

John nodded. "We can do that." He watched Elizabeth turn back to the gate room, then she called out,

"Dial the gate!"

A moment later John led the way through the puddle, feeling both excited and panicked. Then the wormhole closed out behind them. Standing in what looked like a tropical rainforest, John smiled at his team and said, "Let's get this party started."

OoO

Lorne entered the infirmary, making his way over to the area that had been curtained off. The critical care corner where Vasquez lay. Lorne felt it was time to make amends.

**THE END...of part 6**


	7. Chapter 7

AN: noydb666 sorry for the confusion, the gun she had trained on Alicia, but then when Sheppard confronted her, Vasquez was reaching in her vest to pull something out. Lorne came in and thought it was a gun, and shot her, when it turns out, she was pulling out the patch from her vest (and not a gun), so the useage of 'unarmed' was probably not the best. I'll go back and edit that portion so it's less confusing, thanks for the heads up!Sorry for the space between updates, Shelly's working on her other fic, and I've got mine, and yikes, we're both struggling to write lately (poor shelly got this part at least three times and then I said 'forget it, don't read it, I've got to rewrite' and then I started working on it again!)

**About a Baby…part seven**

No one was sitting with Vasquez when Lorne slipped behind the privacy curtain. He tried not to feel the emotions so much as he looked at the bandaged head, ventilator tube, and other monitoring equipment that meandered from machine to human.

But he didn't manage it.

He'd screwed up, again. No one had called him on it the first time, but he knew. They'd gone to that damn bug cave, seeking out iratus eggs in hopes of saving Sheppard's life, and while in there, everything had gone to hell, and he'd panicked, trying to get them out alive and losing two men in the process.

Not a morning or night went by where he didn't wake up or go to bed thinking he should've waited on tossing those grenades. Ronon had tried to tell him he'd done the right thing. 'Better to lose two, then lose all' the runner had quoted, but Lorne didn't sit well with even losing two.

And now he had to stare at Vasquez's vacant face, because the fucking bullet lodged in her brain, his bullet, was making damn sure she'd never wake up again. Was it worse that she hadn't died?

He'd tried to pin Beckett down, and all he'd gotten for his trouble was a 'maybe' she'd be a vegetable for the rest of her life, though pneumonia and other health issues were likely to take her before too long.

"I really thought you were going for a gun," he croaked, talking to the still figure as if she were awake and could understand. Maybe even forgive.

Lorne ran a guilty hand through his hair, "Hell, you had a gun on the nurse in the first place, how was I to know you weren't going for another to blow Sheppard away? After he and McKay were almost killed by the gas leak, it was just…" too much of a coincidence.

Why hadn't he confronted her after Ronon found Sheppard and McKay practically at deaths door from the poisonous gas? Because they'd recovered quickly with treatment, or because he was too chicken shit to face someone that he'd trusted, and thereby put his superior officer in jeopardy…was that why he'd been so quick to pull the trigger? To recoup what he'd thought he'd lost, because he knew Sheppard suspected Vasquez, and also him? To prove himself?

"Yeah, I proved something, all right, shooting you in the head sure proved," he cringed as he spoke the words, "that I'm a jackass with a trigger finger."

"Major, I'm sorry to intrude -"

Lorne looked away from Vasquez to see a young female nurse move in, and politely point to the IV bags and pole that were behind him, next to her bed.

He flushed with the realization she'd probably overheard him. Standing up, he moved out of the way, pulling the chair to the side with him. "Sorry," he muttered.

She was acting skittish, like she believed all the rumors circulating about him, and he fought against the urge to run and hide away until this was all finished, but Lorne wasn't a quitter. It was why he was here in the first place, and though he was finding life on this city a great deal more challenging than he'd anticipated, he wasn't going to give up.

He'd clear his name, no matter how long it took, and as much as he hoped Vasquez wasn't guilty, equal parts of him hoped she was, because he didn't want to live with this for the rest of his life.

Withdrawing the patch Sheppard had given him, he looked at it again. It wasn't any special forces that he recognized, and that bugged him.

"Were you involved," he murmured.

The nurse finished, and left, her movements projecting uneasiness and distrust.

He sighed. There wasn't going to be anything easy about the days ahead. He'd already faced weeks of the same but he'd thought it was improving. Maybe people were just getting better at hiding the suspicion.

He sat there for a while, staring at her, as if her body would betray her secrets – or maybe she didn't have any.

"You're still here," Alicia whispered quietly behind him.

"I can't -" he couldn't finish it. Believe…or live with not believing?

He wasn't naïve enough to think she was going to recover enough to satisfy his need to know either way.

Alicia slid closer to him, and offered a sympathetic touch – the only sympathy he'd gotten since he'd shot Vasquez and been tossed in the brig. It felt like a dose of heaven, and he was loathe to leave the comfort of it, ever.

"I was the one being held at gunpoint by her, Major. I know what she was…is, don't blame yourself."

"It's only by your word that I'm free," admitted Lorne. "She didn't say anything about who she worked for?"

Alicia was the last person to talk to Vasquez – what had gone down between the two before Sheppard and McKay had arrived?

Alicia shook her head faintly. "No, I'm sorry, all she wanted were the files on the retrovirus. It was all she talked about."

He found himself leaning towards the nurse, seeking out the comfort of not being judged. Sheppard was off-world with his team, and he was in charge of the military, despite the taint coloring him lately. He had a job to get back to.

Reluctantly, he stood up. Impulsively he cupped Alicia's chin with the palm of his hand, and lingered longer than he should've, knowing even as he did so he was intruding too far into her personal space, but the sheer weight of being free of the accusing looks, it was heady. "Thanks," he said, finally pulling his hand back, and turning to leave.

Alicia returned the soft smile before answering ever so quietly, "You're welcome."

In the days to come, Lorne would wonder more and more why someone was going out of his or her way to frame him, because he'd barely cleared his office doorway, when the call came down that there was a medical emergency in the infirmary.

He'd ran back so hard it took him minutes to catch his breath, only to face Beckett, shaking his head sadly, as he pulled the sheet over Vasquez's face.

"But, I was just here – she was," he stumbled to make sense of it, "stable."

And that's when he saw the sadness harden, and the suspicions start again. Beckett ordered him taken into custody until an autopsy could confirm the cause of death. This time, Lorne didn't protest as they led him away. He was too busy trying to figure out just what the hell game someone was playing.

OoO 

"Did you pick this planet?" Rodney shot an accusing look at Teyla.

"Rodney, I believe it was you that picked this world."

John knew, in fact, it was Rodney that had selected this as a world to scout. The energy readings had been logged months back, but with the issues at hand, it'd been put on the back burner, the need for a ZPM not as urgent as before.

Still, the banter felt normal, and good. All those months with the bond screwing him up and his inability to do his job, and the few times he had been off-world, things had been a complete disaster. The coup on Baltar, the trips to Eradia, everything was tainted by a deep unrelenting sadness because Dreya was dead. So this…this was good. And he wasn't going to be the one to point out that McKay's choice might have been less than perfect.

"It couldn't have been this hot when I did the initial survey, because, seriously, I'm melting into a puddle."

Sheppard ignored the surreptitious looks Rodney kept shooting him, as if he were a fragile piece of spun glass, and couldn't take a little heat. He was hot, but so was everyone else. He was sweating more than anyone, though, and that was kind of unfair. John had been working to regain his fitness, but the progress he'd thought he'd made was being stripped bare and proven how woefully inadequate it was by this harsh environment.

He tried not to be pissed at how cool Ronon remained, despite everyone else literally oozing water out of their pores right after they drank it.

Ronon was easily the largest of the four members, and with all that hair, you'd expect him to be sweating like a Popsicle on a sunny day, but he was the least affected.

Even Teyla seemed disgruntled by it.

"Quit complaining, McKay." Ronon didn't mince words.

"I'm not complaining," he refuted. "I'm discussing. It's entirely possible to have a conversation based upon adverse conditions without complaining!"

John swung his machete against a thick vine and said, "It's not so much what you're saying, as the tone you're saying it with, Rodney. It's whiny."

McKay was close behind Sheppard, so close, he had to move to avoid John's backhand swing of the cutting weapon, but he dodged and pursued. "Whiny?" He glanced over his shoulder at Teyla, "I'm not whiny, am I?"

Teyla was a tactician, and a diplomat, and because of that, she wouldn't often come out and admit the blunt truth, preferring instead to coat it in sugar and offer it subtly like a treat, but this wasn't one of those times she could do that.

"You can be," she said reluctantly. "Occasionally, from time to time -"

Ronon interrupted, "What she's trying to say is yes, you're whiny."

A slash of bright light split the sky, and thunder crackled overhead. Conversation stilled, as did bodies, as everyone looked upward just in time to feel the first splashes of rain against their faces.

The time from spitting drops to downpour was less than thirty-seconds, and in less than two minutes, they were soaked.

"Oh, this is great," snarled McKay.

John kind of had to agree on that one. They'd been slogging away in the tropical heat for going on six hours, breaking a path through the thick jungle while following the faint energy source reading, and that alone had, admittedly, been enough to complain and whine about, though he'd never give that much to Rodney willingly, and now they were going to get to spend the remainder of the trip soaked to their skin.

Not to mention that their uniforms when wet weighed about twice as much.

Suddenly being stuck in a small room with Lily fussing seemed preferable to being here.

"Can I whine now?" McKay asked, sweeping everyone with a disgusted face.

Ronon nodded abruptly. "Yeah. This is whine-worthy."

Despite the weather, the team pressed on, Sheppard and Ronon taking turns swinging the long knife to cut swaths through the thick overgrowth, that was now swimming in the water from the rain. John had considered calling it off, but he'd caught Rodney watching him again, with that same damning look, and he'd have to crawl home before backing away from this mission now.

McKay and him, they were like two alpha dogs circling around, trying to figure out who was going to dominate who. Rodney hovered, and cajoled, and blustered and forced himself into John's personal space, while Sheppard merely jogged in, nailed his point home, and sauntered back out.

Conversation dwindled as everyone focused on keeping out of the way of vegetation and swinging machetes and managing to not swallow more of the water then they had too. And probably, everyone was also lost in their own thoughts. God knows, they had enough to ruminate on.

As the day waned, John started to wonder if it was monsoon season on this planet, because the deluge just wasn't letting up. He lifted his face to the sky, part of him reveling in the stormy nature, and felt a freedom from the weight of the past events for the first time in a long time. He was tired, emotionally and physically, but this – this made him feel alive again.

Not that Lily didn't, but it was a different thing, being out here and having the urgency and excitement of a new mission, and a new planet. And how desperate was he, that this mission was one that he was enjoying, when before the bond, he would've gated back to Atlantis and said it was a complete and total disaster. Nothing like time to give you perspective.

"Sheppard, look," Ronon called ahead of him.

The runner had made some more cuts in the jungle, and it revealed a metallic shine ahead. John's eyes narrowed and he pulled McKay forward with him. "Check the power readings now," he ordered, pointing at what could possibly be a building hidden underneath the overgrowth.

This is it, had to be. Returning with a ZPM would be another hail mary – a thumb in the face to the recent events, because it'd prove they could still get out here and do what needed to be done, regardless of how crippled the internal attacks had made them feel.

Rodney seemed surprised that they'd actually found something, maybe he figured it really was a needle in the haystack, but he quickly assessed what his equipment reported. "Yes, yes – that's it!"

As untouched as the plant life was around it, at least they wouldn't have to worry about bad guys lurking inside. They'd had enough bad guys to last him the rest of his lifetime. Sheppard moved towards the building, and hoped the ZPM was waiting inside, a treasure waiting for the taking. The structure definitely looked Ancient. The same burnished metal that seemed to age without showing wear.

"Spread out, look for a door, but don't touch anything!" John had pictures of his teammates being transported inside and him left out wondering where they were.

Ronon stayed near Sheppard, while Teyla and Rodney branched off to examine the rear of the building, that is, once they managed to work their way to the rear. It was rectangular, and longer than it was wide, but it was still plenty wide enough to indicate the building was big. Very big.

"You really think there's a…what is that thing…ZPM…in here?"

Ronon was finally working up a sweat even with the cooling effect of the rain as they worked to free the walls enough to inspect for a door. The vines were clingy, and intertwined, and at some areas, the soft feathery undersides of leaves were peppered with not so soft tendrils.

"I don't" John grunted as he struggled with a particularly tough vine "know."

"Then why are we here?"

Sheppard paused in his fight with the plant. "Because Rodney thinks there's one in there." And he had desperately needed to get away from Atlantis and all the emotional baggage, but he didn't add that part. Judging from the looks he'd been getting from Ronon all day, the man had known that, too.

Rodney watched him like a hawk, waiting for him to fail emotionally, while Ronon watched him waiting for him to break any which way. Both sucked. Teyla was the only one that seemed able to accept his state of being as it was…on the mend, and capable of doing what needed to be done – without watchdogs.

So, John kind of felt like a kid telling his Dad the reason why he'd written on the wall, was because the wall was blank. Stating the obvious, but not being entirely truthful.

The runner shrugged noncommittally. "In all these months of looking, you guys never found a better way?" Ronon was willing to play along.

"Like what?" John edged into annoyed.

It's not like they enjoyed looking for ZPM's by gating to all the backwater planets in the galaxy, and it sure seemed that the Ancients favored putting these gems in the remotest of locations at times. If there'd been a better way, they would've been using it.

"A ZPM detector?" Ronon glanced McKay's way, even though the other two were out of sight. "McKay's smart, why don't you ask him to work on building one. Gate to a planet, flip a switch, if it lights up you know there's a ZPM instead of this vague 'energy reading' goose chase."

"What if I like the goose chase?"

It might have had a chance of being considered, if it weren't for the fact that his hands had started to bleed from pulling on the vines, and he was soaking wet, with rainwater running from his hair to his chin in rivulets.

Despite the fact that he had started out enjoying just being here, it had degenerated into a fight against the elements, and against his two doubting sallies – Ronon and McKay - to prove that he could handle it. And now John was looking forward to getting the damn thing – if it existed - and going home. It hadn't even been a day, was he that out of the routine? Granted, his mind kept drifting back to Lily, and his warm dry bed, and -

Sheppard stared at Ronon for a beat, before sighing. "Right," he said, before turning back to the vine that was kicking his ass. "Note to self, tell Rodney to refine a ZPM finder."

"You should pull more from the shoulder," advised Ronon, decimating his plant in one swift tug. "More leverage."

John watched the runner lever up for another thick vine, and without bending at the elbows, the runner braced his arms straight, bending his knee instead, and pulled backwards in one smooth motion.

He copied Ronon's stance, and put all his weight into the tug, but either he'd loosened it before, or he misjudged how much effort Ronon used, because he went flying backwards as the vine gave, both him, and the vine still in his hand, flopped onto the soggy ground with a splash.

It was a good thing he was already wet, because the ground was now simmering in about two inches of accumulated water that hadn't been absorbed into the saturated ground. He would've hated to have gotten wetter. John was pretty sure that wasn't a possibility anymore.

Dry bed, he mentally repeated; Lily, dry bed, and just maybe, Rodney would bring him some of that atrocious blue Jell-O that he really didn't like, but it'd become some kind of weird symbol of their relationship.

Ronon smirked but held out a hand for him to latch on to.

John took it.

"Colonel Sheppard, we have located a door!"

Teyla had shouted and for Teyla that was pretty excited. John and Ronon shared a relieved state of mind before trudging on to the trail Rodney and Teyla had created to get to the back of the structure. A door meant they were almost on the way back to the gate…almost. Better than still searching for a way in, right? Progress no matter how small was still progress.

Rodney was scanning the surface with this machine, and Teyla was waiting impatiently for them. When they got in eyesight, she waved them over, and once near enough, John stepped towards the door and Rodney. John glanced at the hands holding the detector, and noticed they trembled slightly. It'd been a lot of work getting here, and then clearing away growth to find an entrance, could be he needed to eat, or maybe Rodney was just excited?

He'd have to remember to ask McKay about it when Ronon and Teyla weren't hovering right behind them.

"Anything?" he asked, moving his hand around the seam without touching…searching with his mind for anything Ancient waiting for a command.

"Power's…" Rodney tapped the screen and shook his head, "No. This isn't right. It was there and then it's just gone." He looked up at the door, squinting to keep his eyes dry. "It's got to be shielded."

Sheppard touched the door.

Light flared, and he heard Rodney shout, and was McKay panicking? Then he felt nothing at all…

OoO

When John opened his eyes again, it was to the dark. He fumbled for the flashlight on his vest, and when he got it switched on, the change made his head pound harder. Headaches had dogged him since Dreya's death. He didn't think it was from the severed bond, the Eradian healers had dealt with that, but stress – probably.

Tension headaches were a real bitch.

"Ronon? Rodney?" he coughed on the last name. Dust…there was a lot of dust in the room, wherever this was. "Teyla?" he tried again.

The odd thing, when he finally noticed, was that he wasn't wet anymore. So, either he'd been out of it for a while, and he didn't think it'd been long enough for his uniform to dry otherwise he'd have a lot more pressing needs than finding his team, which meant the transporter had rematerialized them sans water.

There was no response to his calling out names, and Sheppard felt a seed of fear begin to form in his gut.

A transporter that was so finely calibrated that it filtered out water from clothing? When he'd reached out earlier he hadn't sensed any active tech, but Rodney had said that some kind of shielding was up. When he touched the door, it must have triggered something.

He snorted to himself. Of course it triggered something. Didn't it always? The question was, since when did the Ancients have transporter technology like this?

Swinging the flashlight around in an arc, he realized that the room was an oval empty space, almost reminded him of a cell. It was bare, and there was a door leading into a corridor.

He needed to find his team…needed to find Rodney. Teyla and Ronon, they could take care of themselves, but Rodney, as much as he was waiting to see if John would fall, Sheppard felt the same in regards to McKay.

Since Lily, it was even worse. He'd dreaded the first mission out because of that. John had already lost Dreya, and he hadn't even gotten to be that close with her, other than the connection with the pregnancy and Lily.

He didn't think he could face losing McKay. John had a lot more time under his belt with Rodney, and a lot more to their friendship than he'd been prepared to realize. It'd taken all he had not to go to Elizabeth and ask for Rodney to be grounded. The only thing that had kept him from doing it was the realization that Rodney would most likely convince Elizabeth why he should be grounded as well.

Tit for tat, and yet, first mission out, the shit hit the proverbial fan. He should've talked to Elizabeth.

Painfully, he got to his feet, and tried to fight against the pins and needles coursing across his skin. John didn't like how it felt uncomfortably close to recovering from a wraith stunner.

The doorway was open. Or should he say there weren't any visible barriers, and he really really wished there was something, because by there being nothing, he could either walk right out of the room, or be bounced back because of a force field. It was the bouncing back part he didn't want to experience.

Hopefully, if there had been one, it wasn't working now, because nothing else seemed to be working in this place.

Shutting his eyes and waiting for the pain, he tentatively poked a hand into the doorway, extending it slowly when he didn't meet with resistance. Soon, Sheppard had his entire body through, and he was breathing a sigh of relief. Dead, or powered down, whatever, it wasn't working, and he was pretty sure that at some point there had been a force field there.

The walls were bare, the floor bare, and he could make out as many black holes spaced evenly down the corridor, as up, and he guessed there were a lot more of the cells like the one he'd woken up in.

It almost eerily reminded him of a prison.

Shivering at the thought of running into any Ancient prisoners, he started forward, flashing his light into the next cell. It almost surprised him when the first cell yielded an unconscious McKay.

"Rodney!" John exclaimed, rushing to kneel beside him and assess his physical condition. He felt all kinds of conflicting emotions. Anger, worry -

The groan was instant relief, because it proved the Rodney was alive, and coming out of whatever had knocked them out.

John looked with the flashlight for the handheld energy detector. It was by Rodney's leg, and when he lifted it, he saw that it wasn't going to help them any more. The screen was cracked, and dead. Shit.

Definitely going to talk to Rodney about building a ZPM detector.

Nudging McKay, John called again, "Rodney!"

"Wha-," Rodney slurred.

John frowned, before shaking him a little harder than the earlier nudge. "Wake up, we've been…" he looked around the room trying to find a good word for it. "Transported." Maybe…

Though it was probably a good guess. The only issue that really made him worry was how similar the entire process felt to those wraith stunners – but the Ancients had built this building, he was sure of that, so that counted for something. He doubted they'd been caught in a culling beam, because they hadn't seen or heard any darts, then again, the niggling problem with the fact that they hadn't run into any Ancient tech that could actually beam you free-standing anywhere before bothered him.

Here you had the wraith stunner effect coupled with the beaming tech, and mixed in with an apparently Ancient built prison, and what did that give you?

He had no fucking idea, which is why he really needed McKay to wake up.

"Where are we?" Rodney slurred more intelligibly. He was pushing himself into a sitting position and John helped him with his free hand.

"I could answer that, but you're probably not gonna like the answer," John said dryly.

"I'm not in the mood for a round of twenty questions," grouched McKay. And John had to admit, Rodney looked pretty miserable. "Let's try this again, shall we. Where are we?"

"Inside an Ancients prison," answered John promptly. Hey, he'd asked for it.

Rodney's face drained of the annoyance, and he looked around the empty room for the first time, then at the door leading out, before back to John. "I didn't want to know that."

He watched as McKay patted his uniform, and realized he was dry, and then looked at Sheppard and noticed that John was dry also. "How -" he started to say.

"Not the scientist," Sheppard said. "Frankly, it's weird."

John climbed back to his feet now that Rodney seemed steady, and peered into the hall, checking to see if Ronon or Teyla were somewhere looking for them. All he saw was darkness. He turned back to McKay saying, "It's only a guess, but I think it has something to do with the design of the machine that did the transporting."

"Unfortunately, your guess is probably a safe one, not that it helps us any." McKay was studying the broken piece of equipment. "I know I recorded a level of energy before it was shielded, and it correlates to a Zed PM. It's here, John, I know it."

His use of John felt awkward and right all at the same time. The natural progression of things, but the first attempts were always odd. Sheppard sighed. Everything about his life had become odd. John needed to focus on the issue at hand, and that was finding the rest of his team, finding the ZPM, if there was one, and getting home. Lily awaited, and he knew Elizabeth wasn't the most natural of baby-sitters, though she did try.

"Let's get looking then." Sheppard handed McKay his flashlight, and settled his P90, and at Rodney's worried look he shrugged. "Just in case. Hopefully we'll run into Ronon and Teyla along the way."

They left the cell, Rodney shaking his limbs about in a way that spoke of his uncomfortable recovery similar to what John had felt, or maybe he still needed to eat. The fact that Rodney wasn't bitching about it bothered him more than anything. It brought home how serious the situation was.

It didn't take long to walk the full length of the corridor and realize that they were alone. Another corridor branched to the left, and Rodney was trying to light it up enough to see any detail before they made their way in that direction.

"Do you think Teyla and Ronon are still outside the building?" John asked. He had a sneaking suspicion about the fact that the only two people in the building were the two with the gene, and seeing how they'd woken up in cells close to one another –

The impatient 'how stupid do you think I am' glare from Rodney made John sigh.

"Right. Obvious conclusion."

McKay threw him a bone. "Obvious yes, but still impressive for your type."

"My type?" John spluttered. He was being typed?

"Your 'type'," echoed Rodney. He flicked the flashlight up ahead again, before stepping into the new corridor. It wasn't said disparagingly, but as a simple fact, though there was a level of detachedness that John hadn't felt from Rodney in a while, and it hurt…just a little.

John pulled McKay back with a hand on his shoulder, and aiming the P90 forward, moved to the front.

"My type happens to save the lives of your type." And maybe that was just a bit of defensiveness at the thought that Rodney hadn't given him more credit than being the stereotypical soldier along to protect the scientists. And, that he didn't mean enough to McKay that he'd look deeper into John's psyche. Had Sheppard imagined earlier events, and what they'd meant?

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with your type, just that…at times…soldiers can be a little slow."

The pot calling the kettle black, because you'd think a geek would be the last one to accuse someone of being stuck in a preset mold of any kind of label.

"So, if I'm such a slow soldier, why do you hang around me so much?"

"I never said you were slow!" Rodney was getting angry and John kind of enjoyed it. "I said your type, big difference."

"The fact that you're typing me alone is insulting."

Rodney finished processing John's comments and he huffed, "Besides, I don't hang out with you so much…you keep wandering in my space."

Liar, and they both knew it. The earlier conversation they'd had when John had been on Eradia, or the lack of the conversation and then later when Sheppard had tried again to get McKay to open up – he was always running and then he'd had the nerve to tell Sheppard that John was running, too.

There was a sound of feet moving on bare floor, and John whipped his gun to the right, only to see an empty room. He narrowed his eyes, and stepped into the cell, his thoughts on Rodney temporarily displaced. He could've sworn he'd heard something, but there wasn't anything there.

"I don't wander in your space, you're always bugging me to come and 'test this' or 'test that'," John mocked. He could pretend just as much as McKay could. He did wander into Rodney's lab, often, and for any stupid reason he could find, more so since Dreya's death. Since he hadn't been able to figure out exactly why, he didn't imagine Rodney knew anymore than he did.

And the room was definitely empty.

The hairs rising on the back of his neck, John backed out, and got in front of Rodney again, who had stopped and waited while he did the check.

"What's there?" McKay asked.

"Apparently nothing."

"Then why'd you go in there?"

John wondered again why he'd wanted to go on this mission. "Because, I thought I heard something. Obviously, I was wrong."

But he didn't think he was, and it made him even uneasier. What was this place?

"Let's go," John said. He didn't want to linger in here. It was starting to get to him. The darkness, and the emptiness, was creepy, like something out of a ghost story. He was just imagining things because of that, had to be.

"How do you know there isn't something there?" asked Rodney. "It's darker than…"

"Than what?"

"I don't know, I'm thinking. That transporter-stun contraption rattled my brain."

John chuckled, but he didn't loosen his grip on the gun. It felt a lot like old times. Danger, darkness, skulking about – too many missions like that in the past.

The sudden disturbance of the air going by him, made him whirl to the point where he had to drop the gun, otherwise he would've been pointing it at Rodney.

"Did you feel that?" he asked, glancing around in an almost paranoid state.

"Feel what?" McKay was following John's eyes with his own, and shifted nervously. "Will you stop doing this? You're starting to make me think something is here, and there's not. It's just us," Rodney asserted, but it came out weak, and almost as if he were trying to reassure himself along with Sheppard.

Maybe John was losing it, because the corridor was empty. He let out the lungful of air he'd been holding, before turning front again, and steadying his weapon. A way out would be good, definitely worth finding, and screw the ZPM.

Ronon and Teyla were probably frantic trying to find a way to get in to them, while he was beginning to get frantic to find a way out.

The corridor ahead branched, this time two directions, left and right. John waved at Rodney to examine the left, while he scanned the right with the feeble light from his P90 scope.

"Mine doesn't look promising, what about yours?" he asked McKay.

Rodney was peering downward, squinting. "I think I see…"

He took a couple steps forward and strained his head forward. "It looks like an actual door, not an empty space where a force field would be, like the other rooms we've seen."

"Left it is," said John, pulling away from the right hand corridor and getting in front of McKay, again.

"Would you stop doing that!" bitched Rodney. "I can't see, just…I understand your urge to protect, but step to the side a little, okay?"

John shot Rodney an irritated glare, but slid over slightly. Funny how his overprotective urges were annoying Rodney, while he'd felt the same about how McKay and Ronon had been doing it to him earlier.

He walked a few steps, but heard something stepping closer to them up ahead. He froze, holding a hand up for Rodney to stop.

"I know you heard that," Sheppard swore. "Tell me, that you heard that."

McKay shrugged. "Your wearing combat boots, it's going to echo in a building of this size."

"It's not a damn echo!" argued John.

Rodney waved the flashlight over the empty hall running away from them. "Do you see anything that could be making those sounds, other than us? It's an echo."

Clenching his jaw tight, John fought against arguing further. Rodney wasn't opening himself up to it because his eyes couldn't see anything, and scientists were notorious for only believing what they could see.

But Sheppard was becoming convinced something was stalking them, yet, he couldn't see anything anymore than Rodney could, so what the hell was going on?

"Just go," McKay prodded. "The door's up ahead, and hopefully it will contain control consoles and we can get the ZPM and leave."

John never thought he'd see the day when Rodney was making more sense than he was. He debated for another second, staring distrustfully down the empty corridor, before jerking forward. The door was only a few steps ahead, and as soon as John approached, it slid open to reveal another dark room, but this time, when the flashlight pierced the gloom, they were rewarded by control panels and consoles glinting in the tunneled light.

Thank god.

Sheppard stepped in, and did a cursory inspection, before letting Rodney pass. "Find the way out, now," he ordered gruffly.

"The ZPM?" Rodney protested.

"We'll come back later, with everyone. Something's not right, Rodney…I can feel it."

What McKay was going to say next was lost, because John felt a sudden wind stir, as if something had blown by, and a force that he couldn't see abruptly knocked him down.

"John!" screamed a now panicked Rodney.

But Sheppard was only aware of being dragged at an awfully fast speed, and as his head hit the wall, because whatever was running away with him turned the corner and didn't consider the angle of John's body making the turn with it, he lost even that awareness.

TBC…


	8. Chapter 8

AN:Just wanted to say huge thanks to those of you reading and reviewing, it makes our day, truly does! To know people stuck with us, and are enjoying our little devilish world! Sorry for the slow updates, both Shelly and I have more stories going on than we can keep up with, plus that holiday thing. Can't believe it's a week till Christmas! There should be at least one more update before gluttony and glee day. I know this one's a bit slower on updates, but we promise to keep the wait worthwhile (or should I say, we'll keep _trying_ to make it worth the wait, cause that's what it's all about)...

**ABOUT A BABY...part 8**

"Major Lorne?"

He looked up to see Dr. Weir standing at the bars of his cell. Her arms were folded over her chest and her expression was pinched. She looked as tired and worn out as he felt. Which made him feel compelled to lighten things up with a lame joke. "Fancy meeting you here," he offered.

One corner of her mouth almost twitched. "Care to tell me what happened?"

"Vasquez is dead. That pretty much sums it up, don't you think?" Anger flared in Lorne and he jumped of from the bench and began to pace.

"Did you kill her?" Elizabeth shot back, her tone sharp as her eyes followed him.

Lorne froze, pivoted to face her and whispered, "No."

Elizabeth nodded. "That's good enough for me. But you have to understand -- "

"I understand." Lorne cut her off abruptly. "You have to keep me here until you do a thorough investigation and can prove my innocence."

"You're not alone in this," Elizabeth offered. "Just so you know."

Lorne nodded. "I'm glad you're in my corner."

Elizabeth smiled. "I'm not the only one. Alicia Weston is making noise, insisting that you're innocent. She's assured me you couldn't have done this and that she'll swear to it or sign a statement to that effect, whatever we need. She also confirmed another nurse was there and we're checking into it now."

"Great." Lorne didn't know what else to say. What else to think. "So...how long do you think I'll be locked up?"

"I don't know." Elizabeth rubbed a hand over her face as if she could smooth away her weariness. "Colonel Sheppard's team is late calling in so I have that to deal with as well. Along with Lily missing her daddy."

Lorne was startled to hear about Sheppard. "Anything I can do to help?" he offered.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Just keep the faith," she said softly, then she turned and walked away.

Heaving a sigh, Lorne sat back down to run the scenario over in his head for the hundredth time. There had to be something he'd missed.

0o0

"Anything?" Ronon asked Teyla, as she returned from circuiting her half of the area.

She shook her head. "Nothing. It's as if the door disappeared."

Ronon had come to the same conclusion. "They have to be inside." That part worried him. He didn't like letting Sheppard out of his sight and now he had lost him and McKay. This day was not going well at all.

"We will find them," Teyla stated, determination glinting in her dark eyes.

"Should we contact Atlantis?" Ronon hated to ask because he knew Dr. Weir had enough problems to deal with. But he also knew they were late checking in and she was probably worried already.

Teyla hesitated. "Let us search for a while longer first. I would prefer to have good news."

Ronon simply nodded then moved off to make another circuit.

0o0

Rodney was freaking out. Sheppard had disappeared as if dragged away and Rodney had tried to go after him only to come up against a solid door. Drag marks on the floor proved that Sheppard was behind the door, somewhere, but Rodney couldn't get the damn thing to open no matter what he tried. So then he wasted half an hour trying to contact Ronon and Teyla, even knowing that it was useless. But he had to do something.

"Why do you do this to me, Sheppard!" he snapped, as he paced in front of the door. "You always do this to me! You make me crazy!" Rodney stopped pacing to slump against the wall, letting himself slide down to the floor where he buried his face in his hands and did his best not to cry.

After a time Rodney pulled himself together, but he didn't get up again. He had to clear his mind and figure something out. Shooting at the door or pounding on it with his fists wouldn't work, even though he wished Ronon and Teyla were here to try that. Ronon was so damn big and strong, maybe he could actually bludgeon his way through the damn thing.

The worst part of this was that Rodney was in the dark. He hated being in the dark. Not total and complete darkness, oddly. From somewhere emanated just enough of a glow for him to see the area he was in, but it was a shadowy - oppressive - darkness and it was creeping Rodney out. He fumbled in his vest pocket for a powerbar. He wasn't the least bit hungry but he knew he had to keep his blood sugar up. If he passed out now he'd be no good to Sheppard.

"You're never leaving Atlantis again, John," Rodney mumbled between bites. And he meant it. He was going to keep the man on base from now on. Every time they left, something bad happened. Rodney was beginning to realize that he didn't have the ability to keep John safe. That scared the crap out of him. If Sheppard was really gone this time, Rodney didn't know what he would do. He couldn't even wrap his mind around that thought. Life without John Sheppard in it wasn't worth living, and wasn't that the ultimate in wake up calls?

Rodney pushed to his feet. Sitting on his ass wasn't helping anyone. Since he couldn't get through the door he would go back the way they'd come and find Ronon and Teyla. Then, together, they would find Sheppard and take him home.

0o0

John felt warm and dry and almost comfortable. If it wasn't for the ache in his head he might have been content to drift back to sleep, but the ache was radiating to clamp around his skull and it made his stomach lurch and he knew he was about to puke his brains out. Thankfully, strong hands lifted him and there was a bowl thing under his chin and John heaved into it until he was pretty sure he was going to bring up his lungs. Then a cup of something was pressed to his mouth and John took a sip. It tasted like warm water and he rinsed his mouth then spit. Then something flat was pushed between his lips and when it hit his tongue it tingled a bit, then tasted almost minty, and it helped get rid of the rancid taste in his mouth, which helped settle his stomach. Didn't exactly help the ache in his head and John moaned as he was eased back down onto his back.

After a time the stabbing eased into a thready pain and John felt ready to open his eyes. But he flinched away when a pale face loomed over him. "What the fuck!" John tried to move away only to find a hand on his chest, holding him still with ease.

"No harm," said a gritty voice. "No harm."

"Okay." John wanted to believe that so he forced himself to relax then he studied the figure before him. Pale skin with a blue tinged vein mapping over it. Big eyes that were silvery, long hair that was pale red and a mouth full of sharp and pointy teeth. John felt his eyes widen as he realized who, or what, he was staring at. A Wraith, but not a full one. More, half wraith and half human. Fear bloomed in his gut but he refused to give in to it. Still, he nudged away the hand that lay on his chest. It hadn't fed on him and that was a good sign. John took a better look at the hand. Human looking with the fingers longer and bonier than usual, but not exactly Wraith hands. "Who are you?" he asked.

The figure tilted his head then replied, "Goethe."

John almost smiled at that. "So you do have names."

"Yes...names." Goethe pulled away, rising to his feet.

"I'm...I'm John Sheppard." He frowned as he realized he had almost forgotten his name.

Goethe simply watched him.

John studied him a moment as well, realizing that Goethe was quite large. He was clothed in a loose tunic and trousers that looked like they were made of soft suede, with boots that looked like leather and John suddenly realized he was wearing the same thing. He brushed a hand over his tunic. It was very soft and a light beige color.

"Um...Goethe...where are we?" John asked because it hit him suddenly that he didn't know. And that wasn't the only thing he didn't know. He knew his name, he knew Goethe was part Wraith, but other than that John didn't know much of anything at all. Like where he was, and why he was there, and how he had come to be hurt.

"Home," Goethe said, in his gravelly voice. Almost as if it hurt him to speak.

"This is home?" John found that hard to believe. He struggled to sit up again, wanting to have a good look around, but the pain in his head made him dizzy. Suddenly Goethe was there, easing him up and holding him steady until the dizziness passed. "What...what happened to me?" John asked, as he swiped at the cold sweat that wet his face.

Goethe grabbed some skins that had been fashioned into what looked like crude pillows, and tucked them under John until he was propped up. He then moved to crouch in front of him. "You fell...hit head." He rapped his own head with one fist as he spoke.

John resisted the urge to nod and said, "Yeah...I get that I hit my head. When did it happen?"

"Not long," said Goethe, as he stood up and moved to a corner of the room.

"Define not long," John requested, as he watched Goethe. He realized the room they were in was huge and set up as living quarters. Primitive, but effective. There was a table in one corner. There were more blankets and pillows against the far wall. There was a fire pit, where Goethe was now standing and it looked like he was cooking something. The smell of it made John's stomach twist into coils of nausea.

Goethe turned back to face him. "Sleep now," he ordered, bringing over a cup of something that was steaming.

Instinctively, John tried to back away. But he felt like shit and Goethe was a lot stronger and, inevitably, John swallowed some of the vile brew, which sent him swirling into darkness.

Dreams invaded the darkness. Images of people with faces he didn't know and of places that seemed like something out of a fantasy. Then the darkness blotted out the images and John was sucked into oblivion.

0o0

Ronon hurled a huge rock at the building. He was frustrated and furious and he let it show. Beside him, Teyla watched without comment. Ronon glared at her. "We can't leave them in there!"

"We have no choice. We must go back to Atlantis." Teyla looked as angry as he felt. "We need help."

"I won't leave them." Ronon was adamant. Instinct told him that if they left now, they would lose Sheppard and McKay.

Teyla looked ready to argue but then she simply shook her head. "I will contact Dr. Weir. Will you obey her orders?"

Ronon bit back a sharp retort, then nodded. Dr. Weir had earned his respect so he would do as she directed. "Call her." He watched Teyla tap her ear but just then he heard something. "Wait!"

"What is it?" Teyla dropped her hand.

"I heard something." Ronon moved to the building, head tilted, listening. There was a low sound, like a voice that was mumbled. He pressed a hand to the wall of the building, pulling at vines, then he stopped. "Here."

Teyla moved to join him. "I hear nothing." Suddenly her radio crackled to life.

"Ronon! Teyla! Can you hear me?"

"It is Dr. McKay!" Teyla's face lit up and she tapped her ear piece. "We hear you, Rodney. Where are you?"

A moment of silence then, "Hell if I know! You have to find me and get in here. Something happened to Sheppard."

Ronon growled.

Teyla remained calm. "What happened to him?" she asked.

"Someone...or something...took him. I got blocked!" Rodney's voice was frantic. "You have to help me. NOW!"

"We will help you," Teyla promised, then she looked at Ronon. "Any ideas of how to get in?"

Ronon grabbed his stun gun. "Back up," he ordered. Then he took aim and fired.

**THE END...of part 8**


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Merry Christmas from your evil evil writers!

**Part nine…**

Just as Teyla shouted, "Wait!" the energy blast from Ronon's weapon ricocheted off the metallic surface, slamming into the Satedan and sending him flying backwards at least five feet.

"Ronon!"

She rushed to the fallen man, rolling him gently to his front. His pulse was good, and Teyla couldn't help but think it was a miracle he wasn't dead. The building had to have absorbed some of the lethal energy, because instead of having a hole in his chest, all Ronon had was some scorching and melted leather tunic clinging to his chest. It'd be a nasty burn, and she wondered if she should try to clean it here or wait for Doctor Beckett's care.

"Teyla!" Rodney's voice called, still full of the panicked edge from earlier.

Carefully, she edged her hand out from under Ronon's body, and tapped the ear piece. "Rodney, Ronon's attempt at creating an entrance into the building failed. He's been hurt."

"How bad? Because, I'm not sure how much more I can take, here -"

She surveyed the wound some more, and checked Ronon's breathing. "He needs Doctor Beckett, but he'll be okay. Is there anything in the building that would activate a way in?" she asked.

Teyla heard McKay muttering to himself, before he exclaimed, "Of course, I'm an idiot -"

"Rodney?"

His voice was back louder, "When Sheppard was taken by that thing, we'd walked into a console room, god – I'm so stupid, I can't believe I forgot, it's just…creepy in here, and I was so worried about John and -"

"Rodney," Teyla interrupted, "I've got to go for help. Can you try and see if something will open a doorway so that I may leave Ronon with you while I go back to the gate and get Doctor Beckett and…others." Because she knew if there was something on the loose, something that had snatched Sheppard like a toy for the taking, they'd need more than a doctor, a scientist, and an injured Ronon with her the only one capable of presenting a defense against whatever it was.

"…n my wa…ow," the voice crackled and came out in pieces.

"Doctor McKay?" she called, but there was no answer.

Knowing that he was probably going back to the room with the control consoles, Teyla opened her med kit to see what she could do for Ronon, hoping something worse wasn't keeping the man unconscious.

OoO

Lorne's mind was constantly shifting back, to the events leading up to the meeting with Sheppard, and then soon after – the infirmary confrontation, the bedside talk with Vasquez, and the nurse that had interrupted him.

He couldn't find anything in all those events that was a common denominator, and he was getting frustrated. The cell walls were closing in on him, and he wasn't even claustrophobic. Bitterly, he couldn't help but wonder where the cock-sure soldier he'd been had gone too, because he sure as heck wasn't around lately. It seemed all he did now was doubt his past decisions and actions.

Brought out of his reverie by the arrival of Weir, he watched her movement towards him with an intensity that comes of being caged and suspected for too long. He'd always been an achiever, lauded where he went, and looked up to. It's how he netted the assignment to Atlantis.

Being considered a traitor, and a murderer, was taking its toll, and it'd only been a short time.

"Good news, Major," smiled Weir. She gestured for the guard to release the force field, and open the cell. "Recent events appear to be pointing towards your innocence, as I figured it would."

He straightened, and waited for the door to open, and when it did, he walked out warily. "What happened?" he asked her, ignoring the guard who didn't look like he believed he'd done the right thing by releasing Lorne.

"The nurse you said that was with Sergeant Vasquez…"

Lorne's brow pinched together, because there was something in Weir's tone. "You found her?"

She shook her head. "No, that's just it, we haven't. She's disappeared. Funny thing to do if you're innocent, don't you think?"

"So, she's missing?"

"Yes," Elizabeth confirmed. "She didn't show up for her next shift. Points a very guilty finger her way. I've ordered teams to keep searching till we find something -"

"No offense, Ma'am, but she's good, if she's the culprit, because I didn't see her do anything suspicious."

In fact, Lorne couldn't recall anyone doing anything suspicious when he was there. "Has Doctor Beckett finished the autopsy?"

Weir addressed the guards behind him. "Sergeants, you're dismissed," she ordered crisply.

They hesitated, but at her steely look, nodded, and ducked out of the room.

She waited till she was certain they were alone before explaining, "He did. Vasquez was murdered. Her potassium levels were incredibly high, and if the situation hadn't been suspicious, it wouldn't have been caught for anything more than a critical patient dying. But because you'd been with her shortly before her death -"

He chuckled, but it was a bitter mockery of humor. "Some good comes of being considered public enemy number one."

Weir's eyes darkened, "Major, no one is above suspicion right now."

"Right," he answered, his voice dull. "Anyway, she was poisoned, so now what?"

"The only ones who have access to the potassium are medical personnel and the chemists. That narrows suspects considerably. Fortunately, for you," she arched an eyebrow his way and he knew he'd made her mad with his comments.

"Have you heard from Colonel Sheppard's team?" he asked, switching subjects.

"No, that's another reason why I'm here."

Lorne stared at her, not sure what was bubbling under the skin. She seemed to trust him, and he wasn't sure why, but Sheppard's trust had been shaken and if she meant to send him out after the colonel –

"You want me to take a team out looking?" he asked.

Elizabeth Weir had a very good poker face, and until she confirmed it, he'd never have known what she was thinking, but she did nod and say, "Yes. Take Beckett, because we don't know why we've lost contact, but going from past experience, it isn't anything good."

Given a chance to prove himself, Lorne wasn't going to walk away, even if he'd had that option. "Yes, Ma'am," he snapped out in military order. He didn't wait for anything else, but left the brig, needing to get his gear, his team, and Beckett, and leave as quickly as possible.

If Sheppard or any of his team were in trouble, minutes were wasting…

OoO

"I'm so stupid stupid stupid!" Rodney berated himself, as he moved back to the room where they'd discovered the consoles.

In his worry over Sheppard, he'd completely forgotten what it represented. A way to open the door to where Sheppard was taken, and hopefully, get Teyla and Ronon in here, with them – of course, it probably would've helped if he'd remember it before Ronon blasted himself trying to get through the building's wall.

The whole way back, he kept glancing at every scratch on the floor, and every pebble he accidentally kicked forward, as he jogged towards the goal that he hoped would help find a way out of this mess.

He skidded to a stop, almost passing the room, but catching himself in time to duck in the doorway. It was all the same, nothing had powered on when he was gone.

Rushing, he grabbed the edge of the nearest console and swung his body around, so he could examine it. Dark and dead, and nothing responded at all to his touch or insistent jabbing.

John John John, why do you do this to me, John, he ranted internally. And now Ronon was out there unconscious and Teyla waiting on him to find a way to get them inside and Jesus, was life ever going to stop being so fucking complicated?

He jumped to the next console and started jabbing, yes! Lights powered up with a painfully low hum. He looked up, and around. Definitely Ancient, and definitely a control room…and definitely almost on empty. But, it was a start.

The panel was jibberish, and he didn't know if it was because he was panicking, or if it was some variation of Ancient he hadn't run into yet. Either way, he started hitting buttons and praying. Well, he did have a little bit of science behind it. Some buttons looked more promising than others.

He keyed the radio, "Teyla, did that work?"

"Rodney?"

"Yes, Teyla, is there a door now?" he said, his voice strained as he waited to hear either way.

It was silent, and he was getting even more agitated than he already was, when the radio crackled to life, "Yes, there's a way in! Can you come back and help with Ronon, he's still unconscious, and I'm afraid he is more seriously hurt than what I thought."

McKay's hands stilled on the panel, and he closed his eyes, trying not to completely come undone. This was just great, and when he said great, it was being used in the antonym fashion, because it so wasn't actually great at all. First mission out the gate and Sheppard was snatched by some poor imitation of a B-movie monster, complete with stealth abilities, and Ronon was hurt bad enough to keep him down for the count, which meant by all rights, anyone else would be dead, and he just couldn't take one more screwed up thing…

"Rodney, it will be okay."

Teyla's voice had softened, and the compassion she felt for all of them came through even over the radio waves. And did you know radio waves were light waves?

"But, I need you to come back and help me with Ronon so that I may go and get help."

She'd continued talking, and her voice had shifted to cajoling, as if he were a scared child, and Rodney thought it was oddly appropriate, because he completely felt like his inner scared child was rearing its ugly head.

He opened his eyes, and tapped the radio set. "I'm coming," he answered abruptly. Knowing that the situation demanded it, McKay aggressively kicked his inner child to oblivion – at least, for a while.

It took less time to get back to her, and when he did, he saw she was trying to lever the big man into the building, but struggling with Ronon's bulk.

Rodney dropped the pistol he'd been carrying, and the flashlight, neither one probably offered any protection against whatever that thing was that'd snatched John. He rushed over just in time to catch Ronon from falling back and hitting his head, because Teyla had lost her hold on his shoulders.

She was breathing hard, and blew a strand of hair out of her face, fixing Rodney with a thankful look.

"Go," Rodney snapped, waving at the entrance that remained open. "Get lots of backup, with big big guns, because whatever that thing was, it was strong and fast!" He tried not to think of having to remain in the building where it might come after them before she got back…

Teyla hesitated, but then turned and took off back the way they'd come.

Rodney looked down at Ronon's still body and muttered, "Now what do I do?"

Ronon was too busy being unconscious to answer…

Minutes felt like hours, and McKay wondered just how long it was going to take Teyla to get back to the gate. The hike here had been a long hard one, but they'd had to cut a path, and the rain, which had finally mercifully stopped, hadn't made their trek any easier. So, maybe it'd be faster than he hoped – but looking again at Ronon and worrying about John, he realized it couldn't happen fast enough.

"Mmmpph – aaay."

Rodney swung back from staring at the darkening sky, to Ronon, seeing the runner blinking oddly at the ceiling. "Ronon?"

"Wha-," Ronon slurred.

Narrowing his eyes at the big guy, McKay leaned closer. "Your bright idea came back and hit you, hard." He didn't add that it'd been a stupid idea in the first place, for two reasons, one, Ronon was clearly not the only one making stupid mistakes today, and two, he was learning it was mean to a kick a…runner…when he was already clearly down. And god, Ronon was not looking good.

"Are you okay? Cause, you really don't look okay."

"M'okay," Ronon answered, but he was blinking at the ceiling still, and it'd been like five minutes.

"Does it hurt?" Rodney stared at the charred leather. It had to hurt.

Ronon frowned, and he still wasn't focusing on Rodney, but he did seem to finally clue in on reality, because he lifted his head enough to look down at his chest, and he lifted a hand to finger the burnt edges. "What happened?"

At least his voice was stronger now, but McKay was getting seriously worried, because Ronon was not jiving mentally. "You got hit," he repeated, with a worried edge.

"I got hit?"

"Yes." Exasperated, McKay sent out a mental plea for Teyla to be faster. This was just wonderful… the situation was bad enough as it was, but now Ronon was reduced mentally to mumbo jumbo. "Seriously, you're not firing on all cylinders, maybe you should just lay back down."

Because Ronon was struggling to his feet, and looking extremely unsteady in the process.

"I'm fine," Ronon repeated, looking around the room. "Sheppard?"

"Nothing new," sighed McKay. "Teyla went for reinforcements, and Carson."

"Beckett?" Ronon stared owlishly at McKay, and for him to pull off 'owlish', he really was messed up, but he did. "Sheppard's hurt?"

"No, I mean…maybe, but you are for sure." Rodney stumbled over the explanation and god would this just fucking end? He debated making Dex sit down, but figured he wouldn't be successful unless the man wanted to sit, and judging from how he was standing, he didn't think Ronon wanted to sit.

"What are we waiting for?" Ronon eyed him with belligerence. "Let's go rescue Sheppard."

"We're not rescuing Sheppard!" snarled Rodney, because he absolutely wanted to, but he knew they were no match for what had John, and what the hell good would it do to run in there and get them all killed?

Ronon started off down the corridor, completely disregarding what McKay had said. "You can stay here if you want, but I'm going."

"What?" Rodney stumbled to his feet, his legs prickly from being down for too long. "Ronon – wait, hey!"

But Dex was already moving away into the murky darkness further into the building.

McKay stared forlornly at the opening, the one that you could now barely make out in the gloaming light, before swearing about impulsive heroes, and taking off after Ronon, snatched the pistol and his flashlight off the floor.

OoO

Teyla didn't even make it to the gate.

From the time she'd left Rodney and Ronon, she'd maintained a fast run, so much so that the vines and growth they'd hacked a path through, had mercilessly cut her skin as she dodged as much as possible in the dimming light.

It was only from years of living in the forests and traveling to other worlds, that she was able to move with such surety at all. But all that experience couldn't stop the blood from running freely down her bare arms, and face.

Something did make her stop, finally, and it was the sound of someone approaching. Quickly, she stopped, and melted into the vegetation to the side of the cut path, waiting and watching to see who was coming.

The relief that washed over her was only tempered by the small seed of suspicion, but as others were with the officer, she squashed it and stepped out. "Major Lorne, I am relieved to see you."

"Teyla!" Aside from the surprise, he seemed genuinely happy to see her. "Where are Colonel Sheppard and the others?"

"There were…complications," she said, looking back to see who all was with the officer, and with even greater relief she said, "Carson, Ronon's been injured, and Colonel Sheppard we think has been, as well."

Beckett didn't even look surprised, he just nodded and said, "I figured as much, at least one of you would be."

Lorne indicated for Teyla to lead the way. "Tell us what happened on the way, we're wasting time sitting her talking."

And in Teyla's mind, the suspicion eased just that little bit more…

OoO

Ronon peered into the room. "The thing dragged him in there?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at Rodney.

McKay had hoped that what he'd done to open the outside door would also active the inside, and he'd been right. But now standing before it, as much as he wanted to get to John, he was also fighting a huge amount of fear, because whatever it was, it was not something he wanted to meet in a dark alley.

It had stalked them in the halls, and then barreled into Sheppard, before dragging him away, and all that wrapped up in one scary package. Just about every horror movie he'd seen, aside from the face-breeding aliens, and thank god they hadn't found any of those so far – though he did imagine the Iratus bugs came close for John.

Realizing that Ronon was waiting, he jerked his head anxiously. "Yeah, in there." His mouth was drier than a jar full of desiccant1. He was afraid of what they'd find in there, because if it was anything other than a live John Sheppard, he wasn't sure he'd make it back out.

Fearfully, he followed Ronon in, and tried to ignore the slight drag to Ronon's feet, and the list to the side.

Because the big guy had to have it together, or McKay was going to be John's sole hope…if he was even alive, but Rodney squashed that thought so fast he almost passed out. He was not going to go there, period. McKay practically heard Sheppard smirking and saying 'stay positive'. I'm trying, John, Rodney thought, I'm seriously trying here.

The events that happened, Rodney wouldn't ever be sure exactly what they were, but one minute he was following Ronon, and the next Ronon was flying back into him, and a loud howl followed by John shouting pierced his consciousness.

Everything faded to black…

OoO

John regained consciousness only to hear Goethe growling. He fought against the lethargy dragging him back down, and lifted his head, only to see Goethe howl, and pounce on a man –

The big guy went back hard, and didn't get back up, and that's when John noticed another man that had been knocked back by the first one, and also remained down.

Confused, John felt something… "Goethe, stop!" he shouted, and had to put a hand against his head because of the pain it caused.

Why couldn't he remember?

"Protect you," Goethe insisted, hovering over the first man, and the homemade knife in his hand promised death if John didn't get him to stop.

"I'm fine," John reasoned. "Look, they didn't hurt me. Don't hurt them."

Maybe they'd have answers, maybe they'd come looking for him? The only thing he knew for certain was that he didn't want Goethe to kill them.

The half wraith, half human paused, and for a moment John thought he was going to act anyway, but the knife fell to Goethe's side, and he stalked back towards where Sheppard was propped up in a bed.

"Head hurt?" he asked John gruffly, ignoring the two bodies now.

"Yeah," John swallowed, relief blooming. "A little."

He watched as Goethe moved to prepare more of the bitter medicine. A noise, and Sheppard's eyes darted back to the bodies. The smaller one in the back was stirring, and began to move.

"Hey," he called. "You okay?"

The man sat up, and rubbed his head, wincing as he did so. "God, I think I've got a concussion…" then the face twisted, and he stared right at John. "Damn it! Do you know how scared you made me?" he demanded angrily.

Not even waiting for an answer, he climbed to his feet, and paused next to the other guy, glancing at him and frowning, "Shit, Ronon -" he turned back to Sheppard, "We've got to get him back to …"

The man stopped, and John watched as he locked on to the other figure, who'd also stopped what he was doing. Goethe fingered the knife he'd tucked back into his waistband, and didn't take his attention off of the man.

"John? Who…what…is this?"

The man's voice was squeaky from shock and it was easy for Sheppard to detect the thready panic moving in.

But Sheppard couldn't remember a thing about this guy who definitely knew him.

John could tell the man expected him to answer, to reassure him…to be the strong one, and why he knew that, he didn't know, but he did. It didn't matter though, because he couldn't even remember this guy's name. "Who are you?" he ground out, harsher than he meant, but the whole damn situation was frustrating.

"What?" snapped the man, incredulous. He forgot about Goethe, and his attention turned completely to John. "You don't know me?"

Sheppard could see it had stunned the guy, but he couldn't help it. He shook his head, and pointed at Goethe. "I woke up with him taking care of me. I think he's half-wraith, half-human, but I don't know what that means, I just know it…but your name, I don't…I'm John. John Sheppard," he asserted, as if to prove he wasn't completely identity-less. He had something.

The man moved towards him, and Goethe acted, moving to intercept. The man froze.

"Goethe, leave him be," ordered John.

Surprisingly, Goethe did.

The man moved closer, again, and hissed, "That thing attacked you. It's the reason why you got knocked on your head so hard that apparently you can't remember me, or Ronon," and here he pointed a finger at the still body on the floor. "We've got to get him back to Atlantis. He's hurt, you're hurt…" a harsh laugh that sounded almost maniacal, "God, I'm hurt now."

Then unexpectedly, the man dropped to the bed, and exhaled. "What a complete fuck-up. A half-wraith human captures you to keep as some kind of pet, Ronon is probably dying as we talk, and you can't remember me."

John felt the devastation in the man's tone, but couldn't understand where it was coming from, so he sat there, feeling helpless.

And that's when more people arrived to the party, and Goethe went nuts…again.

OoO

Elizabeth bounced Lily, trying to console the almost four-month-old baby. "Shhhhh, sweetie, we're finding your daddy, I promise," she whispered into the soft hair.

It'd been almost twenty-four hours since John's team had left, eight since the expected contact had failed to materialize. Lily, on a good day, didn't like being away from John, let alone Rodney, and know she'd been bereft of not only John and Rodney, but also Teyla, Lily's third favorite option.

Alicia was on duty, and Elizabeth had volunteered to watch the baby. She decided it was time to take Lily inside the surprise she'd planned for John.

Months had gone into this, and there'd been a set-back when the explosions had taken out the previous nursery, but she'd kept Ronon and Teyla on it, and now it was finished.

She had planned to unveil the room when John's team gated home, and had changed and cleared medical. Now…

Sighing, she let her eyes rove over the wooden hand-carved rocking horse. An Athosian artist had created it for her. Then the crib that converted to a toddler bed…she'd drawn up the plans and handed them to Teyla, asking her to find someone who could make a close replica…and Teyla had.

They had products shipped on the Daedalus, but it wasn't the same. Lily was of this galaxy, and Elizabeth wanted her to be surrounded by things created in the world from which she came. Because Lily represented a miraculous change, at least she hoped it would be one – they were here now, fighting the wraith, and hopefully some day they'd succeed where the Ancients had failed. They'd free the people of this galaxy from the constant threat and death.

She tucked Lily in close so the baby wouldn't slip, and grabbed a blanket off the quilt frame that she'd also had made for the nursery suite. "Let's get you to play a bit on the floor, hmm?"

After she had Lily propped with pillows so the baby could sit without falling, she moved farther into the room where a large bed was set up. It was carved to match the other furniture, and it was for John, and Rodney when he was here, to use. This whole room was set up with Lily's parents in mind.

Teyla had a small armoire for her things when she stayed…

Closing her eyes against the worry, she turned back to Lily, and had to wipe the small tear that threatened to spill over. So much kept happening, and she always had to hold herself apart from the ones she cared so much for.

When she opened them, she was startled to find Lily on her hands and knees, sloppily rocking back and forth on the quilt.

"Oh, my…Lily!" Elizabeth exclaimed. She rushed forward, prepared to catch the little girl before her tiny arms gave out and she fell. But when Elizabeth scooped her up, she laughed for the first time since John left.

"Figures," mused Elizabeth. "Just like your daddy, like the thrills, do you." She chuckled and swung Lily forward again, like a little baby airplane, and the baby giggled harder.

Maybe Lily knew something that Elizabeth didn't. Maybe there was some lingering bond that was telling her John was okay. She figured if Lily could smile right now, so could she, and bouncing Lily back up, she snuggled the sweet smelling child, mumbling, "Daddy will be home soon, right…soon."

TBC…


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year!**  
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**ABOUT A BABY...part 10**

Elizabeth was plodding her way through some reports when Delmont buzzed her just seconds before the gate room klaxons went off. She ran out of her office and was about to ask what was going on when the gate whooshed to life. "Who is it?" she asked Delmont.

"Major Lorne's IDC," he replied.

Relief swept over Elizabeth, making her feel dizzy. "Lower the shield," she ordered, then she ran for the steps. Before she reached the bottom she heard the call go out for medical personal and that made her heart constrict. She hit the last step and in that moment two marines came through the gate, carrying Ronon. That stopped Elizabeth cold. Ronon had never been down and out on a mission. Never. But now he was still and pale and Elizabeth knew it had to be bad.

More people were coming through. Rodney next, leaning heavily on Teyla. A Rodney who was quiet and pale and looked ready to fall down. "Where's Beckett?" Elizabeth snapped. Her people needed treatment. Now! And as if on cue, Beckett appeared with nurses and another doctor in tow. They got Ronon on a stretcher and were wheeling him away even as two more marines came through supporting Sheppard. Elizabeth felt like she could breathe again. He was back. Safe. But he didn't look well.

Carson was already moving over to John. "I need a stretcher here!" he shouted. He looked over at Rodney for a moment, then he focused on Teyla. "Get Rodney to the infirmary."

Rodney wouldn't budge. His eyes were locked on John.

"What have you done to yourself now, Colonel?" Carson muttered to himself as he examined the man, who was now laid out on the stretcher. He did a quick once over then glanced at Weir. "I'll fill you in later...I need to go now!" With that he and his team were off and running.

Elizabeth glanced back at the gate in time to see Major Lorne stepping through with the last two marines. They were dragging something between them. Elizabeth moved closer, eyed the figure and gasped. "What is that?"

Major Lorne scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "Long story and I don't have all the details."

"Tell it to me anyway," Elizabeth ordered, already heading for her office.

"Take him to the cell and use the shield," Lorne ordered his men. He watched them drag the figure off then climbed the stairs.

Elizabeth closed the door behind Lorne then moved to sit at her desk. "What the hell happened out there?"

Lorne fell into parade rest. "When we got there all hell was already breaking loose. The creature we brought back is half wraith, half human. Colonel Sheppard calls him Goethe. From what Dr. McKay told us on the way back, the creature grabbed Colonel Sheppard and tried to hide him away. The Colonel was injured and has amnesia. When Ronon and Dr. McKay tried to rescue him, Goethe attacked and that's about the time we showed up. Goethe flipped out and the Colonel tried to protect him. We managed to use Ronon's stun gun to take the creature down."

"Why did you bring him here?" That was the burning most question in Elizabeth's head.

"Colonel Sheppard was insistent. He managed to grab a gun and he looked like he was going to use it on us if we didn't agree." Lorne shifted restlessly, then added, "Plus Dr. McKay figured it was a good idea. That maybe Dr. Beckett would like to study the creature. I've ordered him locked up with the shield."

Elizabeth nodded. "All right, thank you, Major." She waved him off then buried her face in her hands. She wondered if the day would ever come that trouble didn't wouldn't follow John Sheppard home.

OoO

Rodney was resting in one of the beds when Elizabeth appeared. He knew that she was worried about everyone, just as he was. Teyla was hovering nearby and she and Elizabeth moved as one to Rodney's bed. He knew they needed answers. He wished he had some to give them.

"How are you feeling?" Elizabeth asked.

"Lousy." Rodney saw no reason not to be honest. "But I'll live. Mild concussion, nothing compared to Sheppard. Some bruising. They're keeping me overnight for observation." Which Rodney was happy about. It wasn't like he was going to leave anyway. Not until he knew Sheppard was okay. Sheppard and Ronon.

Elizabeth looked relieved as she patted Rodney's arm. "I'm glad you're okay." Her eyes roved over to John's bed. "How bad is he?"

Teyla responded. "Severe concussion. He has been throwing up and he is not very lucid. When he is conscious he does not know us. Like on the planet."

"He has a cracked rib too," Rodney piped up.

"But he's going to be okay." Elizabeth said it as a statement of fact, not a question.

Teyla looked uncertain. "Dr. Beckett said he would heal, but they must watch him closely because of his head injury."

Elizabeth nodded. "I see. And Ronon?"

"We don't know yet," Rodney replied.

And they didn't find out about him for five more hours. Carson came out of surgery and informed them that Ronon had nearly died on the operating table due to internal injuries. He was in critical condition and they would simply have to wait and see.

Teyla asked to be able to sit with him and Carson allowed it. He then told Elizabeth to go get some rest and he'd keep her informed. With everyone else settled, Beckett checked on Rodney before examining Sheppard.

"How is he?" Rodney called out.

"No change," Carson replied, moving back over to his bed. "Get some rest, Rodney. You're exhausted."

Rodney crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "I'm not tired." He was lying and they both knew it. He wanted to sleep but he was afraid of dreaming and of missing something. What if John woke up and needed him?

Carson sighed, went off to fetch a pill and a glass of water. "Take this. It'll help you rest. I'll keep an eye on Sheppard. Don't worry. You need to be strong for him, Rodney. And for Lily."

That hit Rodney where he lived so he took the pill. But his eyes remained on John until he drifted off to sleep.

OoO

John snapped to awareness. He wasn't home. He was in some strange place with bright walls and beeping sounds and every face was that of a stranger. Panic hit him hard and he stumbled off the bed he was on. Only, when he did, his knees buckled and he hit the floor on all fours and that's when his stomach emptied.

There was a blur of time and motion as hands pulled at John and voices rushed over and around him. He searched the faces but Goethe was not among them, so he tried to pull away, only it was hard to move past the pain that stabbed through his skull. His vision was graying out and the hands were on him again. He found himself on his back, being pressed down. His side burned as he tried to twist away. He screamed at them to let him go only to find his wrists bound to the bed.

Elizabeth entered the infirmary to find John in restraints and struggling, Rodney hovering close by while trying to calm him, and Carson about to try sedation. She rushed forward, conscious of Lily squirming in her arms, yet at the same time needing to try and help John. She called out his name.

John turned at the sound of the new voice. He stared at the woman who approached but it was the bundle in her arms that made him freeze and finally relax. An angelic face with innocent eyes and a fuzz of dark hair and he knew her in his soul.

Carson looked terrified. "Elizabeth...now is not a good time."

She shook her head at him. "It's okay. Right John? Do you want to see Lily? Do you want to see your daughter?"

_Daughter? _He didn't believe the woman but he didn't care if she lied. Lily was something precious and alluring and he tried to reach out to her only to be stopped by the restraints on his wrist. John tugged at it until a hand touched his arm. The one called Rodney was watching him. His touch unsettled John but he didn't pull away. He returned his focus back on Lily.

Rodney looked at Elizabeth. "Let him hold her."

"Are you sure?" Elizabeth and Carson asked in unison.

"I'm sure," Rodney whispered, his eyes never leaving John's face. He undid just one wrist, John's right arm, then gestured for Elizabeth to bring Lily over.

John watched the strangers, warily, but then the woman was laying Lily in the crook of his arm and John felt the tension in his body fade away. He didn't know who he was, where he was or what the hell he was doing here, but he knew Lily. She felt like home.

Rodney drew Elizabeth and Carson back from the bed. They watched John with Lily, watched how he smiled at her and how Lily reacted. It wasn't long before both of them drifted off to sleep. Rodney moved back to the bed, smiling at the image before him. "He's going to be all right," he said of John to the others. "We just have to be patient."

Carson moved to the other side of the bed. "Rodney...I admit this was a good sign, but don't get your hopes up too high. Head injuries are tricky things and there are no givens with amnesia."

"I know that!" Rodney snapped, lifting his head to glare at Carson. "But he knows Lily. Maybe it's the bond between them, whatever. But he knows her and he will find his way back home to the rest of us."

"I'm sure he will," Elizabeth interjected, moving to lay a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "I'll take Lily back to the nursery."

Rodney nodded at her. "Okay. I'm going to sit with John for a while." That said he grabbed a chair and sat down. He didn't look away as Elizabeth moved off with Lily. Rodney knew he had to focus on the road ahead of them.

OoO

Elizabeth called a meeting. Everyone was present with the exception of Sheppard and Ronon, both of whom were still recuperating in the infirmary. Ronon was still touch and go. Major Lorne was taking Sheppard's place for the time being.

"What about Goethe?" Elizabeth asked.

"Can't get near him," Carson piped up. "The guards stunned him and I got a few blood samples. That's all I've had to work with."

Elizabeth gave him her complete attention. "And?"

Carson made a face. "He's half Wraith and half..." he paused.

"Half what?" Rodney demanded, impatiently.

"Half Ancient." Carson dropped the bombshell then waited for the reaction.

Rodney looked stunned. "Are you sure?"

Carson nodded. "Very sure. I ran the tests myself. Three times. I compared his DNA to the components in Chaya's blood."

"What's does this mean exactly?" Elizabeth prompted.

"I'm thinking it means that the ruins were a lab of some sort. Or at the very least a place where they kept the rejects."

Rodney looked ill. "You mean their mistakes."

Elizabeth looked a bit green herself. "Who are you saying ran the experiments?"

"I'm thinking the Ancients," Carson replied. "Given what we do know about the ruins."

"That's sick," Lorne interjected.

Elizabeth was thinking the same thing. She didn't want to have to process her thoughts on it right now so she moved on to another subject. "How is Sheppard doing?"

Carson made a face then he tapped the file in front of him. "Still no memory of anyone here but Lily. I've mentioned Dreya's name but he had no reaction at all to it. He's been drifting in and out of consciousness and he seems more relaxed around us. He even made small talk today. But what worries me is that he doesn't really ask any questions about us or Atlantis. He only asks about Goethe."

"Could Goethe have done something to him to make him forget?" Lorne queried.

"I don't think so," Carson stated. "I think the amnesia is due to the head injury."

Elizabeth folded her hands together and asked, "So what do we do to help him?"

Carson looked apologetic as he replied, "We just wait. There's nothing more we can do."

Rodney's reaction was to get up and leave. The other's watched him go in silence.

OoO

John felt restless. Lily had come and gone for a visit and without her he felt displaced. He was allowed to use the bathroom and he was finally allowed to shower, but other than that he was stuck in bed with all of these strangers. He had tried asking the doctor about Goethe, and the one called Rodney, but neither would say anything more but that he was safe enough. John needed to see him.

The nurse that had stayed with him during his shower had been helpful. She seemed a bit shy around him, but at the same time she was a bit flirtatious so he flirted back and found out that Goethe was being held in a cell in the lower levels. He found out how to get there even. At first she had been hesitant to answer his questions, but John had assured her that he was just trying to remember this place and that she was helping him. After that she had told him everything he wanted to know.

After forcing down a few bites of food, John had feigned sleeping. Dr. Beckett had come in to check on him and John had heard him talking to a nurse about someone named Ronon. John realized he had been the big guy who had tried to attack Goethe back home. This Ronon wasn't doing well and that bothered John for some reason. When he was finally left alone, John slid out of bed and moved to the curtained area where Ronon was. He slipped past the curtain and moved to the bed. He studied the man lying there and images flashed in John's head. They made his head hurt and he tried to dissolve them. He had to focus on getting out of this place. But first he had to find Goethe.

Slipping out of the infirmary proved easier than John had expected. The medical staff were called to some emergency and the other nurse and Dr. Beckett took off behind the curtain to work over Ronon when some machine starting beeping. John took off and stepped into one of the transporters the nurse had described to him. He studied the panel in front of him then touched it and the next thing he knew he was somewhere else.

Moving cautiously and quietly, his bare feet making no sound on the floor, John crept closer to the cell block area. He knew he had to be in the right place when he saw the guards. Moving quickly, ignoring the pull of his ribs and the pain in his head, John took out both guards, claiming their weapons. He then touched the panel on the wall and the doors slid open.

Inside the room was a cage. Inside the cage was Goethe. John ran over to him, reaching for the bars when Goethe screamed at him. He froze.

"No touch," Goethe whispered in his hoarse voice. "Hurt."

"Are you okay?" John asked, moving as close as he dared.

Goethe tilted his head as he eyed John. "Better now. Go home?"

John nodded. "Yes. As soon as I figure out how to get you out of here." John was walking the perimeter of the cage, searching for the way to free Goethe. There was a panel on the far wall and John moved to it, instinct guiding him. He touched the panel and the shield crackled then dissolved. He touched it again and the door slid open. "Yes!" John felt victorious. He moved to step inside the door and had just reached Goethe when he heard a sound. Turning he saw four soldiers facing him with guns. John recognized one of them from the ruins. Lorne or something.

Lorne looked unhappy as he moved closer to Sheppard. "Sir...I need you to step out of the cell now."

John's reply was to raise the gun he was holding, even as Goethe moved to shield him.

**THE END...of part 10**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** Happy New Year back at you guys! Of course, we have to make things difficult, it's what we do. (big grin)**  
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**Part 11…**

"He's not trying to hurt me!" shouted John.

Goethe had effectively inserted himself between Sheppard and Lorne's unit, and tensions in the room were ratcheting skyward. Lorne gestured with his weapon. "Sir, you can say so, but from our standpoint, it is responsible for your current condition," he reasoned. "And since you are incapacitated, I'm in charge, and I'm ordering you to get out of that cell."

Sheppard processed the information that he'd been the leader of these men, and used it to his advantage. "If I was in command, then you know I make sound decisions. Lorne," and if he stumbled over the name slightly he hoped it wouldn't reinforce the precariousness of his situation, "Goethe has only tried to protect me. Please," he added, knowing as awkward as the word felt, it wasn't something he said often.

He tried to step around Goethe, hoping the lull would've settled the half-wraith, but the second he moved, the arm that was far stronger than one would think, shot out like a barrier, and pushed John back behind.

While John's attention was diverted, he heard Lorne calling for back-up. He knew the situation had deteriorated, regardless of his intentions in coming here. The best outcome would be for him and Goethe to leave this place, but even as he thought it, a picture rose up of Lily, and unexpectedly, Rodney. Shaking his head, John tried to sort through the confusing pictures and emotions.

A strong hand was pushing him backwards, and John realized Goethe was trying to usher him into the far corner. "I need to go," Sheppard protested. "They'll hurt you."

Goethe jerked his head negatively, still facing half towards the men, and half now towards John. "Need you…of my kind," he said haltingly. "Help me. Lonely."

The word alone didn't – couldn't - convey what Goethe's tortured face did.

Reaching for the arm that had stilled on John's own, he said, "I know. You're not alone anymore." He pointed around Goethe's bulk to the growing number of personnel, and John recognized that the doctor, Beckett, had joined the rest, before saying "If I don't go with them, this could get ugly. But I'll be back. I promise." And this time there wasn't any awkwardness because he knew he kept his promises.

What happened next would replay in John's mind over and over again. The nurse, Alicia she'd said her name was, blustered in with a large rifle in her hands. "Doctor Beckett, the tranquilizer wasn't pre-measured, I'm sorry it took -" she trailed off as she caught sight of Goethe, and now huddled behind and protected by Goethe's body, John.

"Colonel!" she said suddenly, and stepped towards him, something inexplicable in her expression.

Lorne threw a hand out to stop the nurse, but in doing so he had to step forward. Goethe bristled, and howled, leaping to stop them from moving closer. "No take!"

The bullets whistled through the air with unerring precision, and Goethe danced back from the impacts. The report from the weapons quieted, and still Goethe stood. The half-wraith stared down at the black blood oozing from at least a dozen wounds, before lifting his eyes again. Sheppard couldn't see his face, but the stance radiated a desperate fury.

"No!" John shouted, jumping to his feet, even as Goethe rushed forward.

Sheppard felt a hot slice of agony flame in his shoulder and felt himself being flung backwards, even as he watched Goethe falter. One more step, two, and then the half-wraith dropped to his knees, before sliding to his side.

Soldiers rushed in, and there was shouting, loud and frustrated, but all of it stilled to a vacuum as Goethe rolled towards John. The would-be monster blinked, and smiled sadly, before his eyes closed a final time.

Enraged, John fought to sit. He pushed a hand against the wound in his shoulder, and kicked out at the approaching medics. He'd trusted these people. Had been about to go with them, and look what had happened? They'd killed this being, and all Goethe had wanted was to stop being alone.

"You stupid son-of-a-bitches!" he swore. John kicked back harder because there were too many, and the accumulated injuries stepped in to do what the shoulder injury alone wouldn't, and that was weaken him too much to resist. "He didn't want to hurt anyone!"

Amidst the hands holding him, and pushing him against the floor, Sheppard felt the sharp needle prick in his other arm, and the fight went out of him. He stilled, and blinked at the ceiling because he'd failed. Taking a ragged breath in, he latched on to the one face and whispered, "You didn't have to kill him."

Beckett's expression was stricken, and he leaned closer to Sheppard. "I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to happen this way."

But John's world had already grayed, and he spun down into unconsciousness.

OoO

Elizabeth slammed the palm of her hand down on the briefing table in an unusual explosion of anger. "I want to know who fired first," she said, and whereas the body language screamed her anger, her tone was clipped, precise and coldly controlled.

"Ma'am, we're investigating now to determine, but -"

Rodney rolled his eyes, and interrupted, "What the Major is trying to say, and failing miserably I might add, is that the likelihood of pinning down the culprit is almost nil, as what most likely occurred was that more than one of the 'shoot first, ask questions later' Neanderthals were at fault."

"Major?"

Lorne chewed the stick of gum harder than necessary, but reluctantly nodded. "Most likely."

Elizabeth straightened, and her arms folded as she paced around the circumference of the oval table. "So, this was a breakdown in training, is that what you're telling me?"

Lorne bristled, and he leaned forward in the direction she was currently at. "That's not fair and you know it." He waved an irritated hand, expressing his frustration. "That thing was half-wraith, and it was charging my men! What'd you expect them to do? Offer to change its diapers?"

The snort from McKay caused Elizabeth to shift her attention for a moment, but before she could return to Lorne, Carson butted in. "In the Major's defense, the autopsy has revealed a fully functional wraith feeding system, Elizabeth."

"And yet, it apparently wasn't hungry," berated Rodney. "Otherwise, Sheppard would've been dinner a long time before this. If you'd teach your men to think -"

"Enough, Rodney," Elizabeth warned.

Lorne's jaw clenched and he and McKay shared a split-second stare down that promised it wasn't over by a long shot, before Rodney turned away. "The priority now is Sheppard. Not only did he get shot, courtesy of our…" at the sharp look from Elizabeth he skipped that part, "…now he sure as hell isn't going to trust us. What we've spent the past couple of days laboriously doing, Lorne has undone in the span of less time than it takes me to calculate a power curve."

Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow towards Carson. He frowned, and stared down at the folder before nodding reluctantly. "Aye, I'm afraid Rodney's right." He flipped open the file, and withdrew a report, pushing it across towards Weir. "These are the latest scans on the colonel. The bruising and swelling has reduced -"

"That's good news, right?" she asked puzzled.

"Well, yes," he said flustered. "But Elizabeth, he still doesn't remember anything except bits and pieces, and the fact that the physical manifestations of the injury have begun to recede and his memory hasn't returned, isn't good."

"I see." She paused for a moment, staring at the report on John's condition, before unfolding her arms, and dropping into the chair closest to her. She felt a lot older than her years. "Rodney, I want you to take Sheppard to the new quarters for you, John and Lily. Get him settled, keep an eye on him, and try to help him heal. If you need help with your regular duties -"

"Radek has already volunteered," Rodney interjected.

She nodded, accepting that McKay had already decided to do what she wanted. It wouldn't be the first time, and she hoped it wouldn't be the last. "Good," she smiled in relief at one hurdle crossed. "Carson, find out everything you can on this Goethe. I want to know why the Ancients did this, and what they hoped to accomplish. Unless either of you have anything further to add, I believe we're finished for now."

Rodney was gone before the words had practically left her mouth, and Carson stood, an amused twist to his lips. He took the paper back from Elizabeth and said, "I'll get back to you with the final autopsy results." Then he, too, left.

Lorne went to go, but Elizabeth said, "I need to talk to you, Major, alone."

He swiveled smartly on his heel, and faced her, his face stone.

"Major, what your men did was inexcusable. At the very least, they should've had one stunner amongst them." She drummed her fingers against the open computer by her on the table. "I've prepared official reprimands, and whether I send them or not, is up to you."

Quizzically, Lorne raised an eyebrow. "Ma'am?"

"I've sent you a list of training guidelines I want to see implemented. I know it's not my area of expertise, but with Colonel Sheppard down, I'm trying to do what I know he would in this situation." She tried to force back the burning regret. "I should've done this a while ago. I know John always insisted security teams be armed with both restraining and impact weapons, but some things were accepted to those of us that'd been around a while, and with John taken off duty so much…" frustrated, she gave herself a mental shake, "…suffice to say, some things were allowed to slip that shouldn't have. As much as I blame your men, and consequently you, I also shoulder some of the blame. Because of this, the reprimand is also against myself. I'd like us all to get an opportunity to redeem ourselves."

Lorne studied her, surprised by the turn in what he'd known was a private dressing down. He nodded, sober. "Consider it done."

"Good." She got to her feet, and this time the smile was weary. "Dismissed, Major."

Lorne hesitated, and what he was going to say, Elizabeth didn't know, but he finally nodded and left.

Feeling the weight of a thousand souls, she shut the laptop lid, and lifted the computer in her arms, wishing that somehow this entire debacle would end for the better. Heading to her office, she also found herself wishing for a strong glass of Carson's secret stash.

OoO

Rodney swung by their rooms to bring Teyla up to speed after the briefing, but found the Athosian wasn't there. He blinked at the room in consternation. The bed was mussed, and Lily's crib had the side rail lowered. Teyla's armoire was ajar and her boots gone. He continued to scan the room for a clue as to where she'd gone, and found the whiteboard sported a new message.

It'd been Elizabeth's idea, along with the entire room, which he realized he had yet to really thank her for. Since so many were splitting Lily coverage, it was a way to keep up with where everyone was, who had done what, and even a rough schedule of her days and meals.

Now, he noticed in the free area, Teyla had scratched a quick note that she'd taken Lily to the infirmary.

Frowning, he hoped it wasn't because of Ronon's condition worsening. The runner had yet to regain consciousness, though Carson insisted he was improving.

Ordinarily, Rodney would take every opportunity to bait Carson, but the situation now leeched any arrogance out of McKay, and instead he found himself feeling at odds at where to be, and who to sit by.

Sighing, he lifted the rail on Lily's crib, picked up a discarded stuffed frog and tossed it back in the pile that was by the rocking chair, and shut the door on the armoire. Teyla was a damn good fighter, but she was a lousy housekeeper. He debated taking a shower, but even though Carson had assured him Sheppard would be under for another hour, he didn't want to risk not being there.

Minutes later, he walked in to find that Sheppard was still under, and Teyla was sitting by Ronon, cradling a sleeping Lily and talking quietly with Carson.

"Rodney," greeted Beckett.

Teyla turned enough to nod his way.

He acknowledged both with a short wave, and headed towards them after another furtive look at John, just to make sure.

"How's he doing," he asked, nudging a chin at Ronon.

"Better." Teyla stood carefully, and held out Lily for McKay. "She should be waking soon. Her naps are off because of the teething, but if she does not wake soon, I doubt she will sleep much tonight."

The wistful smile that stole over Rodney's face had nothing to do with the dimpled chin, he told himself, even while his mind laughed and called himself a liar. She was beautiful, and had captured his heart completely.

"Did you give her anything for the pain?" he asked, taking her gently against his chest, and jostling Lily just enough to hopefully ease her into a wakeful state.

"Tylenol. She fell asleep soon after."

"The poor lass has at least two on the bottom fighting to break through the gums," Carson intoned. "Once they manage, she'll be more comfortable, at least till the next ones are ready to come through."

The soft moans that interrupted them sent a snarl of emotions through McKay. He moved towards Sheppard, holding Lily tighter as she began to wake and fidget. "I knew you'd wake up early," he said softly to himself. "Never listen to anyone or do anything expected, do you?"

The man blinked up at him, confused. "McKay?"

"You remember!" exclaimed Rodney, the grin breaking through.

But the confusion didn't ease and John managed to move his head enough for Rodney to get the point. "But you knew my…" and then he sighed, because it didn't mean anything.

"They killed him," rasped John. "Why weren't you there to stop it?"

He paled at the accusation in the question. God knows, Rodney had already been asking himself the same thing. If he'd been in the infirmary with John in the first place, he wouldn't have been able to leave and get down to Goethe, and none of this would've happened –

"I'm not Q," he said instead.

That made John's forehead scrunch up even more, before he turned away and looked at the ceiling.

Carson interjected himself into their private space, and started asking basic questions, before checking his vitals. Once he was satisfied, he eyed Sheppard skeptically and said, "Against my better judgment, I'm releasing you tonight."

That surprised John out of his sulk, and he turned back to look at Carson and by positioning, also Rodney. "Really? Where to?"

"You'll go to your room," he stated. "Rodney is going to be there to make sure you're okay. And Lily will be there also. I know you need time to get to know your daughter again." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Maybe it'll bring back some memories."

Sheppard glanced at McKay, and the hardness softened when it traveled down to Lily. But John hadn't forgotten Goethe so easily. "Why didn't you try to save him?" he asked Beckett.

"The wounds were fatal, besides that, Colonel, it was a kindness."

"To who?" Sheppard snapped. "To you? To what's his name, Lorne? Who, because he didn't mean to cause any trouble, he just wanted company."

Carson's cheeks flushed. "That's not fair, and you know it. Memory or not, you know we wouldn't intentionally kill just because his being here was inconvenient."

"Or maybe you didn't want to be reminded of your own attempts. Was that it? Maybe the proof of what your experiments were doing was too close to home?" Sheppard didn't know where the accusation came from, but he knew he was right the moment the words impacted the doctor. Apparently not all his memories were gone, merely…unavailable.

Beckett's mouth thinned, and he stared at Sheppard for a moment, before stalking away to his office.

Rodney whistled low. "Well, that was positively out of character for you."

"How would I know?" bitched Sheppard. "Apparently I don't know who I am."

"You knew enough to hurt Carson more than I would've thought you capable of," McKay reasoned.

"Yeah, well, I've learned from the best." And again, he didn't even know what that meant. It completely pissed him off, and you add in the raging ache in his shoulder from the bullet wound, and his general irritability over this memory loss thing, well…a guy had a right to be disgruntled with everyone. And Goethe had died. Maybe, if his mind was firing on all four cylinders, he'd know enough to warrant how much that meant, but right now all he knew was that Goethe had cared for him, helped him, and in return, had only asked for companionship.

He'd died because he'd tried to protect Sheppard.

Lily grunted, and struggled in Rodney's arms. "I'll be back to get you, until then, try not to alienate your doctor anymore than you already have."

As Rodney left, John purposefully ignored anyone else in the room. Rodney had gotten one thing right enough. He wasn't making any friends today, and judging from how he felt, tomorrow wasn't looking any better…

OoO

True to his word, and ironically not saying a word, Beckett released Sheppard into McKay's care. When the door slid aside, John stepped into the room, and tried to ignore the pang of disappointment when it remained unfamiliar.

"Nothing," he grouched. "It's like I've never been here before."

The snort from McKay made him glare, but Rodney waved at the room and said, "Because you haven't. This was a surprise, and believe me, when you do get your memory back, this is going to be really funny, because Elizabeth's sneaking around while preparing it really pissed you off."

Sheppard wasn't amused, but he started moving around the room, peeking into drawers and staring at the baby items with a mixture of bewilderment and fondness. "Where's Lily?"

"With Elizabeth. We wanted to give you some time to get settled. She's cranky and teething, and the Tylenol from earlier has worn off, just so you know."

But something else had already grabbed John's attentions, and he glanced at the closet where he saw – "We share a room?" he asked.

The lab coat, the computer bag with Doctor Rodney McKay embroidered on the front, they were two very big give-aways.

There was something inscrutable in McKay's eyes as he answered. "What'd you expect? Lily is our daughter."

Sheppard chuckled, the first real touch of amusement surfacing since events had gone to hell in a handbasket. "That's funny." He winced as the movement tugged the few stitches the bullet had earned him. Looking away from the closet, he drifted till he locked on to the bed. One very large bed. "Where do you sleep?"

Because there was no way he was sleeping in the same bed with this…stranger.

Now Rodney had came up behind him, and pushed John gently forward, towards the bed, "Where do you think?"

"Okay, you've had your fun, McKay," John grouched. "Seriously, did you pick on cripples growing up? Stop taking advantage of the guy with swiss cheese for brains and -"

He drifted off because now his eyes had glanced across at another armoire, and this time he distinctly recognized female gear. "What the hell? Is this some kind of polygamous hell I've woken up in? Let me guess – Elizabeth?" he snarled, because it really wasn't amusing to have all these gaps and have conflicting things staring you in the face.

"Teyla, actually," Rodney answered smugly, stepping around to drop on the bed. He patted the mattress to his side and smiled widely.

John stared at the spot on the bed, and then at Rodney. He raised his eyebrow. "You expect me to believe you, me, and this Teyla, are in some kind of ménage a trios and Lily is our daughter? Or is it Teyla's and your daughter, because last I checked, men lack the equipment to have babies alone."

The smug smile didn't slip at all, in fact, if anything, it grew broader. "Oh, you were pregnant, all right. I was your labor coach."

Sheppard automatically looked down at his…down parts. "What?"

"You should've seen how sick you were in the first trimester! I swear you threw up more than a sea sick penguin."

Now John was feeling decidedly queasy, and the irony of it wasn't lost on him. He dropped down beside Rodney and said weakly. "Morning sickness?"

"Try morning, afternoon, and night sickness. The only thing you could keep down was blue Jell-O, and -"

Sheppard shook his head. "No, just, shut up, because I'm not buying it. There's no way a guy can be pregnant." But even as he insisted he didn't believe, his eyes were roving over the paraphernalia related to Lily, and there was something inside that was saying 'yes' even while his mind screamed 'no'.

"Suit yourself," said Rodney.

Things were rapidly skewing outside of his ability to mesh reality with what he knew. He'd woken in that room with Goethe being the first thing he could recall, then Rodney had blustered in behind Ronon, both of them being knocked out by Goethe – then, being thrust back into the city and all the people that knew him, but he couldn't remember, and Goethe's death…yet he knew Lily, and he knew this Rodney down deep. Something was recognizing Rodney as meaning more than the others, because he felt an easiness with the man that he didn't have yet with anyone else.

"So, what, we're married?" he tried. "Because I don't see a ring."

Again, something passed across McKay's face that John couldn't read, but Rodney was already shaking his head. "No. You're in the military, and it's against regulations to be in a same sex relationship, so it's all hush-hush."

"We're sharing a room and have a daughter, Rodney! How is that hush-hush? That's more like taking a dead fish and slapping them in the face just to make sure they know it's dead! And this isn't me saying I necessarily believe you -"

"A dead fish?"

John took a steadying breath. He fixed Rodney with a look that promised danger. "If you're lying to me, you're going to hell. A special hell, the kind reserved for people that take handicap parking spots and draw pictures on photos of ugly women."

The hooded look didn't give enough away.

Unexpectedly, John reached out, grabbed Rodney on the neck, and plunged inward, closing his lips on Rodney's.

McKay started to push back, but relaxed into it after a startled second. The kiss deepened, and Sheppard pulled back, rubbing a hand across his lips and narrowing his eyes at McKay. "Huh," he said finally.

"What?" Rodney blustered. "You just ravish me and all I get is a 'huh' afterwards?"

"Just checking," said Sheppard casually.

But Rodney was already moving in, and claiming Sheppard's lips again.

When they broke away this time, John was the one looking the more dazed of the two, and he swallowed convulsively before saying, "Remember, Rodney – special hell."

The knock on the door interrupted anything further, and both shouted "Come in" simultaneously.

Sheppard got up, and added low before the door had opened, "And I'm not sure I believe you…yet."

Elizabeth walked in, smiling and holding a giggling Lily. "Look who's ready to see her Daddy's!"

The use of 'Daddy's' made John pause, and gave McKay's claims further weight. On a whim he asked, "Was I really pregnant?" even as he reached forward for Lily.

Her eyes crinkled from the memories she apparently had as she answered, "You were. I gather Rodney has been explaining some things?"

"Some," he replied, turning back and ignoring the gleeful expression painted across McKay's face. And so what if it was childish to roll his eyes at the man? God, he had really been pregnant? He had to fight the urge to lift his shirt and check for stretch marks.

"Well, I'll let you two keep getting…reacquainted," she said. As she stepped back towards the door she added, "Rodney, don't forget the mission you have tomorrow with Major Lorne's team."

After she left, John stared at the baby in his hands, and back at McKay. "She does have your hair," he admitted.

"What hair?" puzzled, Rodney got up and crossed the room to coo at Lily.

"Exactly."

John enjoyed the confounded look he earned from McKay.

"Even without knowing a thing about us, you still manage to annoy me," Rodney said bemused. "That's amazing."

It felt good to be here, to joke, and forget the bad things. Lily was heavy in his arms, and though he'd only needed three stitches, his shoulder was sore and he was growing tired overall.

"Here, let me take her, you go lie down," instructed McKay, reading Sheppard's feelings.

"Is that something you do a lot?" asked John, giving Lily over, before moving wearily back to the bed.

"What?"

"Look out for me?"

Rodney shrugged. "It's what friends do."

John closed his eyes. It's what he didn't do for Goethe, but according to everyone else, he hadn't been friends with Goethe. At least not a decision he'd made. But he still should've been able to help the thing. "I thought you said we were more than friends," argued Sheppard.

John heard Lily giggle again, and Rodney settling her in bed, clicking the railing tight and turning on the mobile. It was quiet, but then beside him, Rodney spoke softly. "We are."

"I've got to trust you, then?"

McKay pulled the covers back, before stripping out of his pants and shirt. He slid into the covers, and waited for John. Sheppard rolled off the bed, careful of his injury, and hesitated.

"We're just going to sleep, Sheppard." McKay seemed almost hurt by his indecision.

Lily had already quieted down, the odd giggle traveled across the room, and Rodney must have told the city to dim the lights, because the room darkened, and John was very aware of just how tired he was. Sighing, he awkwardly slid off his pants, but left his t-shirt on because it'd be hard and painful to get it off anyway. The sweat pants had been easy, but the nurse had helped him get dressed the rest of the way.

As he slid into the sheets, Rodney huffed and ordered, "Sit up."

"What?" but John did it even as he questioned.

Gently, Rodney eased the t-shirt off John's injured shoulder, before tugging it the rest of the way. "All you had to do was ask."

"Look…Rodney, I know this…is hard for you. It's hard for me. I don't remember any of…this. Just," he struggled for the right words, "give me time, okay?"

John settled into the sheets, laying on his back. Rodney sighed, and turned towards him, but stayed far enough away that they weren't touching. "Just go to sleep. If Lily needs anything during the night, and I don't wake up, just hit me, it usually works."

"Sure."

Impulsively, because he heard something in Rodney's voice, John scooted himself over…just a little. And if now his arm, and thigh, and hip touched Rodney's, it wasn't because he remembered or anything. He was just offering something back to be nice. He didn't need the contact…

And as he drifted to sleep, he pretended he didn't feel the hand that snaked onto his belly, and rested there comfortably.

OoO

Rodney stepped out of the gate, mentally repeating the same mantra he'd been repeating all morning. I'm completely going to the special hell. Why on earth had he done that?

If – when - he thought viciously, Sheppard got his memory back, he was so screwed.

He'd taken advantage, and he still wasn't even sure what had made him do it. Rodney tried to tell himself it was the sadness he'd sensed in John, even the anger over Goethe's death, but in truth, it'd been his own sadness, his own anger.

Rodney had repressed his growing feelings for Sheppard. It seemed like every time they'd gotten close, they'd either danced back, or events had interceded to keep anything further from being talked about.

And then fate had handed him John Sheppard on a platter…and God forgive him, he'd snatched the appetizer. And it'd tasted so unbelievably good that now he hated himself more for it, because when John remembered what McKay had done, he was likely to kick Rodney out and then he'd never get to feel it again.

"Doctor McKay, which way?" Lorne drawled.

He was not blushing. He was completely not fucking blushing. "Do I look like a compass, Major?" he snapped.

"Yes, that head of yours looks suspiciously needle like, now, which way?" Lorne didn't even blink against the Rodney hate.

"Fine, fine!" Rodney yanked the machine out of his vest pocket, and regarded it, before frowning. "Where'd it go?"

"Where'd what go?"

Sheppard was momentarily forgotten as Rodney looked at the machine giving him inexplicable results. "The power reading, Major," he explained impatiently. "The MALP read a significant power reading right after traveling through the gate. But I've got nothing."

Lorne looked as out of sorts as Rodney felt this morning, though with a bit of wryness, Rodney imagined it was for completely different reasons. Lorne was still dealing with the blacklash of being a suspect, yet the cocky officer was returning slowly back to himself, even after the debacle with Goethe.

"So, maybe the MALP was wrong," Lorne suggested dryly.

Rodney smacked the side of the machine, as if that'd help, before replying, "Right, and I never calibrate and verify the MALP's operational status before sending it out to scout potential life threatening planetary conditions."

"Doctor McKay, I assure you, both of your machines are working properly."

Rodney's hands dropped, the machine falling to his side. He recognized that voice too damn well. But Lorne didn't. Because Lorne hadn't been there.

Before Lorne could assess the situation, Koyla and his squad of Genii soldiers had them surrounded. The tightness Rodney felt in his gut had nothing to do with his previous encounters with the man, none at all, and maybe if he told himself that enough, he'd believe it.

"I see Cowen is as stupid as he looked," Rodney said.

Koyla merely raised an eyebrow, and thrusting his duster to the side, tucked his pistol into the holster. "As witty as always, Doctor McKay."

"Please, let's skip the pleasantries and go straight to what you want. Atlantis again, or wait," he snapped his fingers and smirked, "universal domination this time?"

"McKay," Lorne intoned in a way that said it was time to bring him up to speed on what was going down.

"Major Lorne, It's distinctly not a privilege to introduce you to Sheppard's nemesis and my on and off again torturer, Acastus Koyla, of the Genii. Koyla, here's another goon for you to threaten and bully, when you're tired of doing it to me."

The Genii soldiers remained still, while Koyla walked up and stood between McKay and Lorne. He grinned pleasantly. "Come now, Doctor McKay, you've been missing your anger management classes. Besides, I promise to make things…as unpleasant as possible," and before the words had barely finished, he'd spun and brought the back of his pistol, that he'd slid out of the holster so quickly that Lorne didn't have time to react, against the back of Lorne's skull, dropping the man like a stone.

Around Rodney, the other Genii did the same to the other two members of Lorne's team.

"Now, Doctor McKay, we've got places to be, things to do. Let's not let the day go to waste, then, hmm?" Koyla waved his pistol to one of his men, and Rodney watched as the man broke off and went to the DHD, quickly dialing an address.

"This was the proverbial bait and switch," McKay said. "Why?"

"In good time, Doctor. In good time."

And the wormhole flung out from the gate, and settled back into the rippling event horizon. As he was pulled forward, Rodney found himself wishing desperately that he'd stayed in bed with John this morning.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**ABOUT A BABY...part 12**

When John woke up, Rodney was gone. He was rather glad about that fact. Glad, too, that Teyla appeared to be gone as well, which left him alone with Lily. And alone with his thoughts about the kiss. Kisses. John swore he could still feel the imprint of Rodney's mouth on his and he wasn't sure now how he felt about it. Other than confused.

Sliding out of bed, he pulled on his sweat pants and padded over to check on Lily. Thankfully, she was still sleeping, so John slipped into the bathroom for a quick shower. He shaved, brushed his teeth and had just finished dressing when he heard Lily fussing. Instinctively he took a moment to prepare a bottle, still reaching her before she decided to start crying. "How's my beautiful girl?" John asked, as he scooped Lily into his arms. He was ridiculously pleased when she gurgled a smile at him before reaching up and smacking against his cheek with her tiny fist.

Bottle in hand, John sat down in the rocking chair and fed Lily. She was a bit fussy but he eased her through 3 ounces before lifting her to his shoulder to burp her. When she burped then immediately coughed and puked up, he comforted her even as he wiped her face and ditched the spit up cloth he had had the foresight to drape over his shoulder. Rising from the chair with the intent of getting another one, John froze when he saw Teyla watching him from the doorway. He hadn't heard her come in. "Hey," John offered in greeting. He still wasn't sure how he felt around Teyla. He had the feeling that she could see more than he would like her to see.

"You remember how to care for Lily," Teyla observed, as she moved into the room and the door whooshed closed behind her.

"Instinctive I guess," John replied, as he grabbed for another rag. He took note of the fact that Teyla was in different attire. A short top and a paneled, leather looking, skirt. She was barefoot as well and her hair was pulled back. Her soft skin glistened with sweat. "Been working out?" John asked, as he moved to lay Lily in her crib. She fussed a moment but he rubbed her tummy and she settled down and took interest in the stuffed cat he held out to her.

Teyla nodded. "I was."

An image of himself holding sticks and facing off with Teyla danced in John's head. Then he realized Teyla was holding sticks in her left hand. "You kick my ass with those," he murmured to himself.

But she heard him and smiled. "Not always," she amended. "You are getting better all the time, Colonel. You just need to practice more and focus better." She hesitated a moment then asked, "So...you remember?"

"No." John wished he did. "I just...it was like a blip of a memory." Which was happening a lot lately. Quicksilver flashes of things that he couldn't hold on to. Teasers of the life he couldn't remember. "Teyla...can I ask you something?"

"You may ask me anything," she allowed.

John nodded, grateful for that, but then he was silent as he figured out how best to word what he wanted to say. Realizing there was no comfortable way to ask, he simply blurted out, "Was I really pregnant?" At the look on Teyla's face, a look of uncertainty, John added, "Rodney told me I was and Weir confirmed it."

Teyla looked puzzled. "Then why ask me?"

"I guess...I mean...I want to know how it happened." John wasn't sure what he wanted really. He moved to drop down on the side of the unmade bed. "Men can't get pregnant."

"No, they can't." Teyla moved to stand before him. "You did not carry Lily inside you, but you felt everything."

John shook his head even as one hand moved to press against his flat stomach. "That's just not possible."

Teyla touched his shoulder. "Would you like me to tell you what happened?"

"I would like that very much." Instinctively John knew he could trust Teyla to tell him everything and that it would be the simple truth.

"It will take a while to explain," Teyla cautioned.

John shrugged. "I've got time." He settled in, then focused on the story Teyla told him. About bonding with Dreya. About how he became like a monitor for her condition and how he suffered the worst of it throughout. She told him everything in great detail and oft times, throughout, John had flashes of images. Moments where he almost felt like he remembered. Whenever Teyla mentioned Dreya's name an image of a pretty woman would form. A misty image that wasn't quite solid enough for him to grab hold of.

By the time Teyla had finished, John felt worn out, confused, angry and sad. Too many emotions were battering at him and he felt the start of a headache, thrumming in his temples. "Thank you for telling me," he said softly.

"You are most welcome." Teyla had been sitting on the floor, cross legged, now she rose to her feet in one fluid motion and gestured towards the bathroom. "I must clean up now. If you like...we can talk more after."

"Maybe." John had to force a smile and he had a feeling she knew it wasn't quite genuine. He watched her leave then got up and went to check on Lily. Surprisingly she was sleeping again. John thought he should wake her so she would sleep tonight, but he didn't have the heart to disturb her. At least not yet. So he stood there and watched his daughter sleep, feeling a sweet ache deep inside him.

John was startled out of his focus by the sound of static and a familiar voice asking for Teyla. He went in search of Teyla's ear piece and put it on. "Sheppard here. Teyla's...uh...indisposed at the moment."

"I see." Elizabeth sounded a bit on edge.

"What's wrong?" John knew that something had happened.

A long silence then Elizabeth replied, "Lorne's team came back without Rodney."

That was all John had to hear. He was out the door and on the run. A transporter ride later he was in the gate room and running up the stairs to Weir's office. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know the details," Elizabeth replied, meeting him at the door. "I was on my way to the infirmary to find out."

"I'm going with you." John's tone brooked no argument, but he was relieved when Weir simply nodded. He knew she could order him to stay out of this, not that he would have listened. But it was better to have her consent. Silently they made their way to the infirmary. John spotted Major Lorne and he strode over to him. "Major...report!" John barked. And it shocked him a bit how familiar this seemed. Giving orders.

Lorne looked surprised and looked to Weir for confirmation. When she nodded he told what he knew. "We were ambushed by Kolya and his men. They wanted McKay. They knocked us out and disappeared."

That was all John needed to know. He was turning and heading out the door when Weir grabbed his arm. He pulled away.

Elizabeth moved to cut him off. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Back to wherever Lorne went!" John snarled. "I'm bringing McKay back!" John knew he had to do this. He knew, instinctively, that Rodney would be waiting for him to come for him.

"He's not there, sir!" Lorne spoke up. "When we came too...we searched. I think Kolya gated somewhere else."

Elizabeth looked at Lorne sharply. "Are you sure?"

Lorne grimaced. "No...but it's what I would do."

"So would I," John whispered, feeling his chest constrict with emotion. But emotion was something he didn't want to deal with right now. He looked at Weir. "We have to find McKay."

"I know. But we have to do this logically." Elizabeth reached out to pat John on the shoulder, offering comfort. "Kolya is smart."

At the mention of that name, John zoned out a moment. He saw himself with a gun trained on some man with a pitted face who was using Weir as a shield.

"John?"

The sound of Weir's voice shook John out of the memory. Or was it a memory. He locked eyes with her. "Kolya had you hostage once. He tried to get through the gate."

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes. Kolya and his people laid Siege to Atlantis once. You stopped them."

John wished he could remember that. "How do we find McKay?" he asked. Practically begged, really. He could hear the pleading in his voice.

"We send Zelenka to the gate to see if he can figure out the last gate address that was dialed," Elizabeth replied, even as she lifted a hand to tap her ear piece. She gave the order then she focused on John. "You have to be patient right now. Why don't you spend time with Lily? When I hear something, you'll be the first to know."

"Promise?" John needed to be able to trust her on this. He needed to be sure that she would not keep him out of the loop.

Elizabeth held his gaze for a long moment, then she nodded. "Yes...I promise. Now I have to go." She turned on her heel and strode off.

John watched her leave then turned back to Lorne. "Did Kolya...did he hurt McKay?"

"I don't think so." Lorne looked uncertain. "I'm sure he wants McKay alive."

"Why?" John countered, not missing the confused expression that crossed Lorne's face. "Why would Kolya want McKay?"

Lorne shook his head. "I really don't know, sir."

John believed him, yet he felt this niggle in the back of his head that told him there was something he needed to know. "Do Kolya and I have a history?" John prompted.

"Guess you could say that, sir," Lorne replied. "I wasn't here but I read the report. You killed over sixty of his men to protect Atlantis. And you ran into him a few months after that on another world and you had another confrontation."

"I see," John whispered, feeling the impact of what Lorne had just told him. He had killed over sixty of Kolya's men. The man had to hate him. The man had to want revenge. Maybe that was why he took McKay. To get revenge. The thought made John feel ill. The pain in his head throbbed in intensity and a wave of dizziness hit him, making him sway and stumble. He felt strong fingers grip his arm, steadying him. Then Beckett's familiar voice in his ear as he was led over to a nearby chair. He was pushed down into it and his head shoved between his knees.

Carson knelt beside him. "Slow and easy breaths, Colonel," he prompted. "Just take it easy."

After a minute, John felt better and sat back up. "Sorry...I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Carson was taking his pulse as he spoke. "I want to do a check on you."

"No...NO!" John bolted to his feet. Even though Weir had mentioned Lily a moment ago, it only now struck John that he had left his daughter. Sure Teyla had been in the room, but she had been in the shower and she hadn't known that he had run out. Tapping Teyla's stolen ear piece, John contacted her even as he headed for the door. He didn't make it before Beckett was cutting him off. John tried to shove him out of the way but Teyla responded just then and John focused on her instead. "Teyla...is Lily all right? I left her. Tell me she's all right!"

Teyla was making cooing sounds then she stated, "Lily is fine, Colonel. Just a bit fussy."

John felt dizzy with relief. "God...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave her."

"I was here, and she is fine."

"I left her," John whispered, and the thought that he had so easily forgotten about her made him feel sick. He felt himself turn pale, felt the blood rush from his head. Then he was suddenly in a chair with a basin under his chin, puking his guts out. John felt light-headed and the next thing he knew his vision was graying out, then the world went black.

OoO

"Colonel?"

John recognized Beckett's voice, it pulled him out of the shadowy void he was trapped in. Feeling groggy and lethargic, John forced his eyes open. Blinking hard he brought Beckett's visage into focus. Then panic set in again. "Lily!" John sat up, ignoring the way the room tilted around him, and tried to scramble off the bed.

Carson held him down. "Take it easy, Colonel. Just relax. Lily is fine. Teyla explained to me what happened. You didn't leave Lily alone and she's fine."

John didn't agree with him, but he let it go. All the mattered at the moment was that Lily was all right. But not Rodney. John tried to sit up again, gripping Beckett's wrist as the man tried to keep him down. Rodney needed him. "Get off me!" John snapped.

"Do I have to restrain you, Colonel?" Carson's voice was sharp and biting. "Because I will and you know it!"

Somehow, John did know it. He relaxed against the pillows. "How long was I out?"

Carson checked his watch. "About twenty minutes. Nothing's happened. No word from Zelenka yet."

"Okay." John made a show of calming down. "Sorry about flipping out. I'm fine." He could see that Beckett didn't believe him.

"You passed out because your blood pressure sky rocketed," Carson stated. "And I'm guessing you haven't eaten anything today either."

John opened his mouth to argue that point, but realized he couldn't. "I'll stop and grab something on my way back to my room." He wanted to be with Lily right now. He needed to hold her. It felt to John as if Lily was his only connection to Rodney at the moment. Which didn't make sense really, but he didn't question it either.

Carson shook his head. "You'll be my guest for the next few hours at the very least. I'm keeping an eye on your blood pressure. I've already sent Alicia to get you something to eat. And you will eat, and you will rest."

"Okay." John didn't argue because he knew it was pointless to do so. He had no real control here. No real command. He had to play along with everyone else's wishes to get what he wanted. He wanted to find Rodney and bring him back.

"I will restrain you if I have to," Carson warned, eyeing him suspiciously.

John glared at him. "I said okay...I'll do what you say."

Carson snorted. "Well then, that's a first. Let's check your pressure again, shall we?"

"Fine." John held out his arm and let Beckett putter about him. He closed his eyes and felt himself drifting off. But he came back awake at the sound of footsteps. He recognized the pretty nurse. Alicia. She had a tray of toast and some juice. John accepted it and made a show of taking a bite. The moment he got word on where Rodney was, John was going to be out the door. So he would do as Beckett ordered. He would eat for the sake of fueling his body. John sensed he would need to be battle ready.

"Eat then get some rest, Colonel," Carson said, as he watched him for a bit.

John just nodded as he took another bite of toast. He managed to eat most of it, under the now watchful eye of Alicia, since Beckett had been called away to the botany lab on an emergency. After Alicia took the tray from him, he asked, "Can I have my radio?" Which was, technically, still Teyla's.

Alicia frowned at him. "I don't think Dr. Beckett would approve."

"Why not? I just want to contact Dr. Weir." John gestured to the bed. "I'll stay put. Promise." A moment later he had the radio in hand and he put it in place. But he was disappointed to hear that Zelenka still hadn't contacted her. John pulled the earpiece off and resisted the urge to toss it across the room.

"Have some juice," Alicia prompted, handing him the glass then taking the ear piece and setting it beside the bed. "It'll do you good."

John nodded and took a sip. "How long do you think Beckett will be gone?"

Alicia quirked an eyebrow at John as she replied, "Not long enough for you to slip away without there being consequences. Negative ones. You're better off staying put and resting." She moved to take another BP reading.

"So how am I doing?" John asked, when she was done.

"Much better." Alicia jotted the readings down in his chart then she moved to fuss with the blanket. "Get some rest. I promise to let you know when Zelenka checks in."

John believed she would, so he smiled at her then closed his eyes. Soon after he drifted off to sleep. To dream of Rodney and himself on various worlds, getting into trouble. But somehow they always managed to save themselves and return home. John wanted Rodney to come back home.

OoO

John had just been released by Beckett when Weir came striding into the infirmary. He saw the look on her face and moved to meet her. "What happened?"

Elizabeth grimaced. "Zelenka said that Kolya somehow managed to scramble the DHD. We can't tell where he gated off too."

"Maybe he never did. Maybe it's a ruse." John pushed past her and strode out the door.

"Where are you going?" Elizabeth had to run to catch up.

John didn't spare her a glance as he headed for the nearest transporter. "I'm going back to the planet and search for Rodney!" He froze when she gripped his elbow and yanked him around to face her. "I'm going!" John stated.

Elizabeth locked eyes with him, looking both angry and frustrated. "You wont' find him."

"You don't know that!" John couldn't believe she was arguing with him. "Don't you want Rodney back?" It came out as an accusation.

"Of course I do!" Elizabeth reacted as if he had slapped her. "We'll figure something out." She had more to say but was interrupted by a call on her radio. "Weir here."

A nondescript voice replied, "Gate activation, Dr. Weir. We have a message coming through."

Elizabeth exchanged stunned looks with John. "On my way," she said, before clicking off. Then she was running to catch up with John.

They entered the transporter together and a moment later were running up to the gate.

"On speaker!" Elizabeth ordered.

"Dr. Weir, are you there?" asked a grating voice.

Elizabeth froze. "Kolya."

John was frozen beside her. He knew that voice.

"What do you want?" Elizabeth asked.

"Colonel Sheppard," Kolya replied. "Send him to the following coordinates in one hour." He rattled off a gate address. "Send him alone and unarmed or Dr. McKay dies."

John could feel himself trembling with rage. "I'll be there!" he growled.

A moment of silence then Kolya replied, "I'm sure you will be, Colonel. I look forward to seeing you." With that Kolya clicked off.

"No." Elizabeth snapped the word at John before he could say anything.

"I have to go." John was already turning away.

Elizabeth cut him off. "Kolya will kill you."

John knew that. Sensed it. It didn't matter. "I won't let Rodney die."

"He'll kill you both, John." Elizabeth grabbed his arm and her eyes were pleading as she looked at him. "You can't go."

"Then you lose McKay." Anger sharpened his tone.

Elizabeth looked sad but determined. "Better one than the both of you."

John shook his head at her. "Not your call to make." He pulled free of her hand and strode off, knowing that she would let him go. They both knew he had to do this. That no one else could. John didn't remember who he was, but he knew he was the only one who could bring Rodney home.

OoO

John stepped through the gate wearing his flak vest stuffed with first aid supplies, water and power bars. Armed men patted him down then his hands were pulled behind his back. John flinched a bit as his body protested, but he said nothing. Then he was turned and he found himself facing Kolya. He didn't remember the man, yet John knew him. "Where is McKay?" John asked, as he felt Kolya's cold eyes rake over him.

"You'll see," Kolya replied, then he snapped his fingers and one of his men moved forward to blindfold John.

It was unnerving not being able to see, but John didn't protest as he was guided off. They walked for what had to be a couple of hours, then he could hear a door being opened and he left the heat of the day for a cooler interior. He knew he was inside because their footsteps became muffled. Fingers fumbled behind his head and the blindfold was pulled off. It took John a moment to adjust to the dim lighting.

Kolya was watching him.

"So where is McKay?" John demanded.

"You'll see him soon."

John hoped that Rodney was all right. If he wasn't, Kolya was going to pay. "What now?" John prompted. "Why do this? What do you want?"

Kolya moved closer, a twisted smile curving his lips. "I have what I want. I have you."

"Then let McKay go!" John felt a cold chill rippled down his spine.

"Take him," was Kolya's only response.

Then John was dragged off, down a long flight of stairs, moving underground. They reached a locked door. Once opened, John could see a row of cells. He was marched to the last one. McKay was inside, slumped against the wall. John's heart thudded hard in his chest. "Rodney..." he whispered. McKay looked up and John felt like he could breathe again. Rodney looked unharmed. "You okay?" John asked. He needed to be sure.

Rodney was on his feet and at the bars. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded.

"I came to rescue you," John replied, feeling giddy all of the sudden. He didn't even protest when cell door was opened and he was shoved inside. McKay caught him when he stumbled, and John could feel that he was trembling.

"You shouldn't have come," Rodney whispered, sounding both relieved and miserable.

John locked eyes with Rodney. "I had too."

**THE END...of part 12**


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Sorry for the days between updates. This was a rather pivotal chapter so it took more planning. Thanks to Linnzi for her beta help! I tinker and fix, and edit, and add constantly so any mistakes are completely mine. Thanks again for reading and sticking with us! **  
**

**Part Thirteen…**

Ronon woke surprised to find he was still alive. He didn't feel good by any stretch, instead his muscles felt weak, and tired, which was something he hated. But, he supposed it was better than being dead.

"Ronon?"

"Teyla?" His voice was harsh, and even deeper than usual. If he didn't know any better, he would've almost thought it was someone else saying her name.

The Athosian leaned into view; Lily perched along her hip, contentedly munching her fist. "You have been seriously injured. How do you feel?"

"Like I've been seriously injured," he rasped.

Teyla didn't smile enough.

"It must've been bad," he said, trying to reach a clumsy hand to rest on hers, but it got hung-up on a wire clipped to his finger, and he didn't have the energy or the ability, to move and untangle. He let it drop, and kept staring upwards, as he also didn't have the strength to lift his head or move around. "Still alive, though."

She seemed to shake off some of the tension, and smiled, but it was a ghost of what it normally was. "It was…bad. Do you need anything? Water?" She already started moving towards the pitcher he could see at the end of his bed, settling the baby on a blanket beside the chair she must've been sitting in, and next to some toys.

He did want some, but as she poured the cup, his eyelids proved too heavy for his willpower, and Ronon drifted back into a recovering sleep.

OoO

If there were a punching bag next to him, Lorne would've worked it over. "I join an expedition and somewhere along the way, they just happen to forget to mention a renegade native lurking about with some real resentment," he bitched to himself.

Then he got pissed because it wasn't their fault. It was his. The files were there. It wasn't anyone's fault but his own that he hadn't caught all the details when he'd skimmed through them after the situation had settled post siege on the city. He had read the one file on the Genii in depth. He'd even read about their attempted take-over to the smallest detail. But he hadn't read the obscure file about a mission to find a ZPM that had failed, at least beyond knowing that they located it in the ruins and the natives kept it. If he had, he would've known Kolya was out there with even more of a chip on his shoulder.

It was bad enough they had their own nuts to deal with, now they had the added kick in the ass of having two of the top expedition members in the hands of fanatics. Which brought him to where he was currently heading, and that made him even angrier. If he was right, he'd been suckered. Brought in by a pretty face, and a kind ear.

Someone had known they were heading to that planet, and, as it had been a last minute mission change, it limited the personnel that knew down to immediate command staff and two medical personnel. Even if one of the individuals had gossiped, the Genii wouldn't have had time to stage an ambush. It had to have been one of the individual's in the immediate loop. Lorne knew he wasn't the culprit, and he pretty much figured he could rule out Weir, Beckett and McKay, so that left him with the other three members of his team and the nurse. Which happened to be Alicia.

He knew she was on duty now, and he also knew he was taking a big risk, but he was going to her quarters and search while he could. If he found anything, then he'd go to Weir, but until then, he wasn't quite ready to set the hounds on her. In fact, he prayed he was wrong, because he had begun to like her. A lot.

And being ranking military officer, since Caldwell wasn't around right now, he had the command behind the decision.

Just to be safe, he knocked and waited. No answer, but then again, he hadn't expected there would be. He gave the command override, and entered the quarters carefully. He knew there could be traps set to give away his presence, in fact, he kind of expected it, but that, too, would give her away for what she might be.

On the surface, the room was clean, but Lorne focused on a pad of paper that seemed out of place. It wasn't tucked in a drawer, or on a desk, but tossed on her bed. The top sheet was blank, as were the pages underneath, but he carried it over to her desk and set it down, searching for a pencil in his own pocket. Luckily, the military motto was be prepared. He usually carried at least one pen and pencil, along with his Gerber multi-use tool.

He sat down in the chair, and pulled one of the back sheets out of the notepad, and laid it over the top sheet. Taking his pencil, he lightly began to color, holding it pressed at a slant. Letters and numbers began to appear underneath.

"Son of a bitch," he whispered. It was the gate address to the world they'd been ambushed on.

OoO

John rested his head wearily against the concrete wall. His mind had been running on overdrive, past memories flitting in, before moving back to the rear to make way for others.

Hell of a time for his mind to shape up. He watched Rodney sleeping on the cot, and wished it hadn't happened here. He had a bone to pick with McKay, and one that included taking advantage of his memory loss. When he thought back to the kiss, to the swirling emotions and confusion – it wasn't so much anger, but wondering why Rodney took the chance.

There had been growing feelings for McKay since…well, he couldn't even put a finger on when it'd began. The pregnancy had thrown them in a situation that like Rodney had said, hadn't allowed him any privacy, and McKay had gotten to see him in situations he never would've dreamt of (nor would he want to ever again). And Rodney hadn't bailed on him, hadn't left him during all those times he'd lashed out, and been an ass. When he'd been suffering, Rodney was there. When he was sick, in pain, and felt lost, Rodney had been there.

The clanging of the door above brought John to his feet. He watched warily, as Kolya and four other of his men walked down the stairs, and over to his cell. He didn't pull his eyes away once.

"Time to play?" he asked, his tone hard. He wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of knowing he was worried.

"Time to move, Colonel." Kolya gestured to his men. "We don't want you to know where you're being moved to, so, I'm afraid you're going to take a little nap."

Sheppard chuckled. "You're not sorry."

The pitted face twisted in amusement. "No, I'm not. Good night, Colonel." Kolya nodded, and two of the men brought up guns, and pulled the trigger.

John felt the sting, and was able to turn enough to see Rodney jerk in his sleep. Boy, was Rodney in for a shock when he woke up, thought John, before the sedative took him under.

OoO

Lorne leaned against the wall outside the infirmary. He gestured at his men to hold. He'd gone to Weir with the evidence he'd found, and while it wasn't the smoking gun they'd hoped to find, they both knew it was incriminating and the best lead they'd had to date. She'd signed off on the order to bring Alicia into custody for questioning.

He'd tried to move things along fast, so if he had triggered any warning in her quarters, she wouldn't have time to do anything about it. And with that said, a call to Beckett had confirmed she was present, and accounted for.

Making the signal to move in, he led the team into the infirmary, ordering everyone to stand where they were and hands up. He was hoping for the mass confusion to keep her from acting until they'd gained control of the room.

He'd hoped wrong. As soon as they'd breached the doors, she pulled a gun from her waist, hidden by her uniform shirt, and trained it on Beckett.

"Over here, Doctor Beckett, now!" she ordered.

Gone was the polite girl from next door, and in her place, was a cold blooded killer. Lorne had seen it before in the Middle East. He knew she'd pull the trigger. "Do it, Doc," he said. It'd give him time. "You're not getting out of here, Alicia – if that is even your real name."

She smiled easily, grabbing on to Beckett's arm and roughly pulling him closer to her. She pressed the muzzle of the gun against his back. "Oh, I think I am, unless you want to be one less a doctor."

"Where do you plan on escaping to? The Daedalus is back on Earth, and you'll have no way to return home. This is pointless," Lorne reasoned. "If you let Beckett go, we'll see you get a fair trial. It won't be freedom, but it's better than exile."

The bitter laugh took everyone by surprise. "I won't get a fair trial," she denied. Her lips curled in a sneer. "I'll be dead. My people don't work the way your people do."

"Who are they? We'll protect you." Lorne was holding his gun steady on her, but was doing his level best to talk her down. If they had any hope of finding out where McKay and Sheppard were, she had to be taken alive. He knew she was the key to their location.

"You can't."

Beckett craned his neck to look at her. "Lass, if you'd be safe anywhere, you'd be safe in this galaxy, to a point. You could go live on the mainland, and I could sign your death certificate. They'd never know any better."

She seemed surprised by the offer. "You'd do that? Even after the things I've done?"

"To get our other people back, and prevent more death, yes," Lorne interjected. He didn't like it, but right now wasn't the time to disagree with anything that might work.

"I want assurances, signed agreements."

Her rapid acceptance threw him off just as much as her pulling a gun earlier had. She didn't waste time, he had to give her that much. "In that agreement will be the full disclosure and assistance in retrieving Sheppard and McKay," he added.

When she nodded, he tapped his ear piece, and started the wheels in motion. Maybe things wouldn't end as bad as he'd thought.

OoO

Waking up was unpleasant. John didn't like sedatives on a good day, but in these conditions, it was made even worse. He felt queasy and tired, and generally grumpy. Life was too fucking complicated.

There'd he'd been, living life in Antarctica, accepting the status quo, when General O'Neill had arrived and screwed up his entire life. He'd been shot at, drowned (granted, alternate timeline, but still), beaten up, stunned, forced to go through pregnancy, lost his memory…lost his fucking mind.

"I feel sick," moaned McKay.

John looked up from his knees. When he'd come out of the drugged sleep, he'd found himself on a mattress in another cell. There weren't any obvious differences, and he'd wondered at first if Kolya merely played a mind game in knocking them out, claiming it was to relocate. But, John doubted that. Odds are they'd been moved, because it made sense, and it was something he would've done. Not feeling up to standing and searching around, he'd contented himself instead to sitting, and drawing his knees in close to rest his head while he shook off the last effects of the drug.

"It passes." John didn't add that it was apparently taking a long time to pass.

"What happened?"

Sheppard watched as Rodney carefully got himself upright. His face was pale, and misery was etched all over. "Kolya wanted us moved to another location. Another planet, I'd guess, since they'd sent the coordinates to the planet where you were being kept so I could join you. It would've been stupid to keep us there."

Rodney rubbed the palm of his hand against his forehead in distress. "Of course, the bad guys have to make sense. They couldn't just this once screw-up."

"Give 'em time, the day's still young."

"Wow, you sounded positively normal." Rodney had stopped rubbing his head, and narrowed his eyes suspiciously at John. "Do you remember…uh…things?" And if Rodney looked worried over the thought, John figured he should.

The urge to draw out the suspense was high, but given the circumstances, Sheppard figured this probably wasn't the best place. The cell was undoubtedly bugged, and he needed time to decide just how he was going to handle Rodney's little game with him.

"You know," John said. "I haven't seen a single spider in this cell. You'd think, with it being a cell and all, there'd be tons of bugs."

"I guess we just got…lucky."

He was kind of proud of Rodney. McKay didn't even start scanning walls or anything, just picked up the hint, and let it go, instead of being obvious. Clapping his hands together, John said with forced joy, "So, I spy with my little eye, something black."

McKay's lips twisted in a wry grin. "The floor. Oh, wait. The wall. No," he lifted a finger, "hang with me here, the ceiling."

"Fine, you think of a game," John huffed. "Some of us work with what we've got, you know."

"Rock, paper, scissors." McKay pulled John's cot towards his own. "At least there's a statistical pattern of probability for me to concentrate on."

"If you think you can outwit me by tracking how often I go with rock, think again. Remember, could've been in MENSA, too. I can randomize my…randomness." John knew there really wasn't any such thing as true random, but he'd go with rock ten times in a row just to screw up McKay's system.

Rodney stared at him with thinly veiled impatience. "Put up, or shut up."

John smirked, but sat down. "On three, one…two…three." He did scissors and smirked even more at Rodney's consternation. "And you thought I was doing rock."

"Shut up, and go again."

"If you're sure you can take losing," John said magnanimously. At least for now they had something to take their minds off the situation. It was a start…

OoO

Lorne crumpled the note. God damn it! He should've known. The double crosses were beginning to make his head spin. Stalking towards the gate, he gestured at his Lieutenant to dial. It didn't matter that Alicia said she had thought it was a possibility. It didn't matter that she said she had an idea with where to go from here. What mattered was that nothing was. Ever. Fucking. Easy. In this galaxy. The only upside to recent developments was that he'd been cleared. Those with the guts had apologized for believing the worst. Those who didn't have the guts, he didn't care anyway. But it did feel incredibly good to be exonerated.

"Let's get back home, Tango's are not here."

After they'd cleared through Beckett, and it was damn annoying that even five minutes off-world resulted in a twenty minute exam, he finally was in the briefing room with Weir.

"You read the note, Ma'am?"

She looked as pissed as he'd felt earlier. "I did."

"Am I to assume you're not giving up, as Kolya suggested?"

"You would be correct, Major." She stared at the note. "If he thinks we're going to let him merrily make off with two of our men, he's sorely mistaken."

"For a member of the Trust, she was stupid in believing Kolya would uphold his half of the bargain." Lorne still wondered about that. Alicia was smart. She'd screwed with the city for a while, and even though Lorne still suspected an accomplice, he couldn't prove it.

Elizabeth drew in a long breath. "She may have been hoping for the best, but I'm sure she expected the worst." Weir locked eyes with Lorne. "I don't think stupid is a word I would ascribe to this…agent."

Lorne flushed, embarrassed. He'd been taken over by some kind of device during one of her plans. He nodded tersely. "Maybe not," he agreed.

"Question her further," Elizabeth ordered. She had shelved some morals before, she could do it again. "Major, I want to know everything she knows, are we clear?"

He studied her, searching for just what she was getting at. The cold lines, taut posture. It all screamed 'do what you have to do'. But he also knew she wouldn't condone pulling out fingernails or anything else equally gruesome. At least, he thought she wouldn't, but whereas before this entire infiltration, he would've said for sure in a millisecond, now… "Yes, Ma'am!" he acknowledged slowly. "We'll get them back, I promise."

"I know." She picked up the note, dismissing him. As her eyes scanned it for a fourth time, she still felt the fury rise up. Was Kolya destined to dog their steps forever? The flowing script was militant and precise, much like the writer.

_My Dear Doctor Weir,_

_I'm quite sure you are wondering why I have addressed this letter to you, rather than the individual who secured my possession of your two men. The reason, I simply have more faith in you than she believed. But, then again, perhaps that isn't saying much, because, after all, I now have two of the most valuable assets of your expedition. I'm also just as certain that Doctor McKay and Colonel Sheppard will prove equally valuable to the Genii. There will be no trade. What we want is what we now have. If it brings you any comfort to know, unless they give us reason, we will not kill either of them. There is much they have to teach the Genii._

_Best wishes,_

_Acastus Kolya_

He was right. There was a small part of her thanking whoever would listen that he wasn't intending to summarily execute them, but then again, that was if she allowed herself to trust his words. She rather thought she could, for now. One thing he hadn't done was lie in the dealings she'd had with him. But he was a cold bastard, able to blink away death to do his job, and that scared her. She knew that if Sheppard or McKay pushed too far, and were too much of a problem, he'd get rid of the problem. Now she could only hope that Lorne would get something useful from Alicia. And she knew what she'd asked of him. She'd do it again, in a heartbeat. Alicia was an agent for the Trust. She'd also cost the lives of seven confirmed, and she wondered now that the missing nurse wasn't number eight.

No, what had to be done, had to be done, and this woman had given up her rights when she'd committed murder. And maybe, if she told it to herself often enough, she'd believe it.

OoO

"If you won't cooperate further, then we'll take the choice out of your hands," swore Lorne.

"I want my freedom," Alicia enunciated angrily. "I'll help you contact another undercover Genii spy that I worked with. I know he'll help me for the right price, but before I agree to do that, I want assurances that you'll free me on the mainland like you said."

"And I told you we would."

She pulled at her restrained arms. "I've seen nothing to indicate you plan on following through. I've already given what you asked for, and I'm still here, imprisoned and restrained."

Lorne paced by the door, thinking this words through carefully. "You are not the one in the position to be demanding anything. We could ship you back to Earth, and you'd be dead, by your own admission. So, either stop playing me, and tell me what I want to know, or we'll pack your bags."

"No. I want it on paper that I'm absolved of any crimes, and I want it signed by Doctor Weir. You said you would."

"You don't get what you want first, we do. Now, are you gonna cooperate?"

She stared at him with immeasurable defiance. "No, I won't. I'm done. You want your information, free me first."

He faked a sad sigh and then said, tapping his ear piece, "I'm sorry you said that – Doctor Beckett, I'm ready for you."

"You're not going to do anything to me," she sneered.

A smile split Lorne's rugged face. "You're right, I'm not – he is." He pointed to Beckett as the doctor walked in to the room carrying a medical bag.

Carson set his bag on the table, and began pulling out vials with clear fluid, and two hypodermic needles, along with alcohol and cotton balls.

"Nice try, but I don't buy it. One good thing about being 'one of the bad guys', is that when you're caught, the good guys always play by the rules." Alicia was acting as if she were as confident as her words declared.

"Who said I'm a good guy?" Lorne's ruthless smile caused her to pale slightly, and then his words made her sweat. He nodded to Beckett. "Do it, Doc."

She started pulling at the restraints, and trying to get away from the needle, but Carson drove it home without even a flinch. He smiled sweetly. "Sorry, lass, but I do believe this will hurt."

"What did you do?" she snarled. "This is crazy!"

Lorne leaned into her personal space and drawled, "No, what's crazy, is you believe that after the hell you've put this city through, that we'd turn our backs and let you make the demands. He's injected you with a large dosage of atropine, which can be fatal." He pulled back and watched her struggle. "In case you're wondering, the symptoms are," he gestured at Carson to take over.

Beckett considered the mental list to draw out the tension. "Let's see, very soon you'll begin to feel palpitations, dizziness, restlessness, excitement, possible hallucinations and difficulty swallowing." He tapped them off on his fingers. Then folded them and smiled wider, "Frankly, my dear, there's plenty more you may experience."

"Of course, death is in there, right Doc?"

Carson fiddled with the other needle. "Certainly, if I don't inject the counteragent, I'm afraid that respiratory failure, paralysis, and coma will be the end result."

"You're lying," she snarled, but her eyes were dilated and her nostrils flaring.

"I see you're already experiencing the tachycardia," observed Carson. He held aloft the other hypodermic. "This contains diazepam, and unless you answer the major's questions, you won't be getting it."

Alicia finally seemed to be losing ground as sweat marks appeared around her armpits. "I can't believe you'd so easily turn your back on the Hippocratic oath, Doctor," she said, her voice trembling slightly as the drug took effect.

"Really?" he asked, puzzled. "You did."

"I'm not a doctor."

He slammed the needle against the table, cold fury revealing itself. "But you're a nurse, a medic, sworn to help and heal. You've killed, and damaged, and I'll be bloody well damned if I'll sit back and let two more innocent men suffer because of your actions. You were a member of my staff." He took a step back, and breathed in. "I bear some of the responsibility because I failed to notice what you were up to. And I take that responsibility very seriously, Lass. Now, tell Major Lorne what he needs to know, and I'll end this."

Her body was noticeably shaking and she panted through her indecision, before her face crumpled. She began rattling off the contact's name, location, and more.

When she finished, Lorne waved at Beckett to hold off. "One final requirement. Your accomplice on the Daedalus, and here. I know they exist, and I know you're feeling pretty bad right now, so give it, or the contents of that shot won't ever make it into your body."

She flinched, but then admitted the two names, haltingly. With brutal satisfaction, Lorne gestured at the guards to unlock her. Carson stuck the vials in his bag, and the hypodermics.

Stunned, she shouted, "You said you'd give me the counteragent!"

Lorne smiled slow and easy, like a cat toying with its prey. "You weren't poisoned. Doc here gave you a stimulant. Maybe a bit more than is recommended, just enough to make you feel," he paused as if searching for the right word, "a little sick. And you'll forgive us for not giving you anything to feel more comfortable. Enjoy it. It's the least you deserve."

Together they left her in the hands of the security guards. She'd be moved to her cell, and kept there indefinitely, until they could figure out what to do with her. The good news, on two fronts, was the accomplice that had been in the city was, in fact, dead. Sergeant Vasquez. The knowledge was bittersweet. He hadn't killed an innocent, but he'd also been duped, and he now shared some of that rage that Carson had felt upon finding out about Alicia. That is, once Beckett had recovered from her having almost shot him. Vasquez had been a member of his team, and he'd been used. No wonder they'd been taken on that world, and made into a tool in the take-over attempt on the city. She'd known everything.

And the other. The one on the Daedalus. That'd be trickier to handle, and they couldn't do anything until it returned from the latest trip to Earth, so at least they had some time to prepare. He reminded himself to be patient. Slowly, things were coming together. Just a matter of time, that was all. Time. As long as Sheppard and McKay kept their heads low and their mouths shut, they'd make it. He groaned at the thought. They were so dead.

**The End…of part thirteen**

**Psssttt...Ronon fans, next chapter he'll be back and on the road to recovering and getting in shape for the Big Damn Rescue. (smile)**

**edited to correct mistake, thanks vecturist! **


	14. Chapter 14

**AN:** Chunkymonk, yes, well the brogue issue...it's actually a thing in writing where they beg authors 'please please don't try to write accents'. So, while we will use the few Scot words like 'aye' and 'wee' and 'lass' beyond that we don't write in the accent. We try to avoid outright reasons to be spanked by the feedback community (big grins).**  
**

**ABOUT A BABY...part 14**

Two days after Ronon woke up, he was on his feet. Beckett was ready to pull his hair out. Ronon didn't waste the energy to explain to Carson that he needed to do this. He needed to get back on his feet. He had to be battle ready to help Lorne go after Sheppard and McKay.

It was Teyla who convinced Ronon to listen to his body when it betrayed him. To give himself more time. He only hoped, as he struggled against the darkness that crept over him, that Sheppard and McKay had that time to wait.

OoO

Carson watched Ronon's struggle. He watched the intensity of focus. Ronon was determined to get better through sheer force of will. Carson could almost believe he would do it.

Turning back to his office, he tried not to think about Alicia. About the betrayal. About what he felt was his own stupidity. He should have known about her. He should have sensed it. Weir telling him that it wasn't his fault didn't ease the guilt. If Sheppard and Rodney died, Carson would blame himself.

OoO

Elizabeth paced with Lily in her arms. The baby was fretful and upset. Elizabeth had no doubt but that she knew her daddy was gone. Daddies, Elizabeth corrected. She would have sacrificed pretty much anything in this moment to have Sheppard and McKay back on Atlantis. Elizabeth was kicking herself for letting Sheppard go. Not that she wanted to lose Rodney, but losing them both wasn't acceptable.

Lily stirred in her arms, crying out. Elizabeth felt equally cranky. "I want them back too, little one," she whispered, lifting Lily so that she could nuzzle her soft cheek. "Don't you worry, Lily. We'll find them and bring them home. I promise." It was a promise Elizabeth prayed to god she could keep.

OoO

Lorne was frustrated. He had hit a dead end. The Daedalus had sent word that they would be further delayed. If they had the ship they could do so much more towards finding Sheppard and McKay. Weir had done what she could in requesting that the Daedalus come now, but there was only so much she could do without tipping off the bad guys. So they had no choice but to bide their time.

Lorne prayed that Sheppard and McKay had that kind of time.

OoO

John watched Rodney sleeping. He'd been allowed to keep his vest of supplies, and he could see that Rodney's color was better after three power bars and some water. The sedative had really done a number on McKay's blood sugar. He would have to speak to Kolya about keeping Rodney fed and hydrated. After pacing around the cell, John figured it wouldn't hurt to ask for another blanket or two, also. He doubted he'd get it, but maybe Kolya would concede to a few amenities. The cell was cold.

"How long?" It was Rodney who croaked out the question.

John turned to face him, schooling a smile onto his lips. "How long what?"

Rodney sat up, rubbing at his face. He looked worn and frayed. "How long have we been here?"

"Two days...I think." They had taken his watch so John wasn't positive.

"How long was I sleeping?" Rodney kinda rolled off the cot, stumbling to his feet. He moaned as stiff muscles protested.

John grabbed his arm to steady him. "I'm not sure. A few hours."

Rodney nodded, carefully pulling away but staring at John. "You okay?"

"I'm good." John wasn't totally lying. So far, so good.

But Just then Kolya appeared. He smiled at John then nodded to the guard. "Take him."

John leaned into Rodney. "Whatever happens, be strong and whatever they ask you...tell them what they need to hear!" John heard the desperation in his voice as he lifted his eyes to Rodney's face and saw that he understood. John could get through anything, so long as he knew Rodney was okay.

"How are you feeling today, Colonel?" Kolya asked, as John was led past him by the guards.

"Been better," John allowed. "You?"

Kolya was almost beaming. "Never been better," he drawled. Then they fell into silence as they headed for the stairs.

The end of their journey was a lab like room. John felt his stomach twist into knots when he saw a gurney like table with restraints. But he didn't protest as he was pushed onto it. He made himself try and relax as his wrists were put in the restraints. He then saw a woman approaching. She looked around mid forties with dark red hair and brown eyes. She eyed him like he was a bug under a microscope, then she held up a syringe.

"What is that?" John had to ask.

"Something to relax you," she replied.

John didn't believe her. Kolya wouldn't want him relaxed. But he didn't flinch at the sting. He felt a liquid warmth slither through his veins. "I won't tell you anything." This he addressed to Kolya.

"You'll tell us everything," Kolya replied. "Without saying a word."

Through blurred vision, John watched the woman prick him with another syringe. He watched it fill with his blood until his vision grayed to black.

OoO

He came awake shivering, yet oddly warm in places. Pain was swirling throughout his body, but it was a numb kind of pain and John almost welcomed it.

"Sheppard?"

He flinched at the sound of Rodney's voice so close to his ear, and only as he shifted did John realize he was propped against Rodney's body. He peeled open his eyes and stared at the brown wool that covered him. "It's a blanket," he said, stupidly.

Rodney snorted. "Yes yes...at least now I know you don't have brain damage." There was a long pause. "Do you?"

"Dunno..." John ached enough and was cold enough that he didn't really care all that much at the moment. "How...how did you get the blanket?"

"I got two," Rodney countered, shifting again. "I bargained for them with Kolya."

John felt his blood run cold. "What did you do?" He tried to shift around to look at Rodney, but strong arms held him in place.

Rodney sighed. "I agreed to build a few tracking devices. Easy enough to do, really, but that should have gotten us more than two blankets." There was tension coloring Rodney's voice at that.

"You did good," John whispered, trying to squirm away from Rodney, even though he welcomed the support and the warmth.

"Stay," Rodney ordered.

John opened his mouth to protest, but Rodney cut him off.

"Shut up and rest."

John did as he was told. He closed his eyes and slid back into darkness.

OoO

By day five, Ronon was ready to get Sheppard and McKay back. He was on his feet, albeit still a bit weak, but he was used to working through the pain. Made him work for it. Beckett insisted he wasn't ready and threatened to put him in restraints. Ronon felt a small measure of admiration for the man when Beckett didn't back down, even when Ronon had him pinned to the wall by the throat. He backed off, allowing Teyla to take him to his room.

"We have to find them," Ronon stated, even as he let her push him onto his bed. He balked when she tried to cover him with a blanket.

"We will find them, but for the moment you must rest." Teyla's voice was soft, but it was underlined with steel. "We will need your strength, Ronon. Rest so that you may be strong enough when the time comes."

He knew when to concede defeat. He knew he needed to do as she asked. "For now," he allowed.

Teyla patted his arm then, silently, she glided out of the room.

Ronon closed his eyes and embraced the darkness. When the time came, he would be ready.

OoO

Elizabeth found it hard to concentrate on work. She kept expecting to see Sheppard and Rodney walking in her office at any given moment. It almost shocked her when she'd look up and they weren't there. It made her feel unsettled. Off balanced. She didn't like feeling that way.

Shutting down her laptop, Elizabeth heaved a sigh even as she stood and tried to stretch out the kinks in her back. She was working on her neck, rolling it from side to side, when she heard a familiar cry. Turning towards the door, she saw Teyla approaching with a fretful Lily in her arms. "What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked, moving to meet them.

"I do not know," Teyla replied, already holding Lily out for Elizabeth to take. "She won't stop crying. I have tried everything. I even went to see Dr. Beckett and he examined her. She is not sick."

"I see." Elizabeth cradled Lily to her, feeling her heart clench as she watched the baby cry fretfully. "She misses her father," Elizabeth whispered. Then amended, "Fathers."

Teyla nodded, looking as if she might cry herself. "We all do. We will get them back."

Elizabeth blinked back her own tears as she rocked Lily in her arms. "We have too."

OoO

Lorne was beginning to believe that someone had tipped off the agent on the Daedalus. The ship wouldn't be coming for weeks and even though the excuses were legit, such as helping SG-1 on Earth battle an attack, Lorne just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Sitting at Colonel Sheppard's desk, in the office the man barely ever used, Lorne knew what he was really feeling. Fear. He was afraid Sheppard and McKay wouldn't live long enough to be rescued. He was afraid that one of them would say something wrong and Kolya would send a dead body back to Atlantis.

Shoving aside the reports he was supposed to be writing, Lorne headed out. Ronon had been teaching him new moves for months, before being wounded, and Lorne wanted to try them out on some of the marines. Basically he wanted to kick some ass in the hope it would make him feel better.

He knew it wouldn't.

He did it anyway.

OoO

Rodney worked on the tracking devices. He spent most of his time bitching that he didn't have the materials he needed. He spent the rest of his time worrying about Sheppard.

Kolya kept them separated during the day. Rodney working on the devices, and Sheppard in some lab. John kept telling Rodney that he was fine, that they weren't hurting him. Rodney didn't believe him. Sheppard was sick now. Feverish and suffering from headaches. When Rodney asked what they did to him in the lab, John couldn't tell him. He knew only that they were injecting him with something that made him sleep. Or what felt like sleeping. Rodney knew there was more to the story that John wasn't telling, and that scared the hell out of him.

Five days. John had been with him for five days. Rodney wondered how much longer it would be before they were rescued.

OoO

John sat up on the lab table. They'd already taken a blood sample and the scientist lady, or whoever she was, was working over in the corner. Sometimes she would ask him questions and John would give her pithy replies. She seemed amused by him. He wasn't amused back. John sensed that she was a dangerous woman, for all that appearances suggested otherwise. But the real danger was the man lurking in the doorway. John turned his head to see Kolya watching him.

"How are you feeling today, Sheppard?" Kolya queried, as he pushed away from the door and entered the room.

"Been better," John allowed. "You?" They had this same bit of conversation every day. Then Kolya would ask him about Atlantis. John wouldn't tell him anything. On occasion he would throw a smart remark in and Kolya would, almost lazily, backhand him. Other than that, they just stuck to the script. John knew what Kolya was doing. Trying to mess with his head. It was working pretty good, although John did his best to hide it. It bothered him, a lot, that Kolya didn't ask more. That he didn't seem to want to know more. He began to wonder what it was the scientist lady was doing. John wondered if maybe he was telling Kolya everything without saying a word.

Kolya moved closer to the table, almost brushing up against John. "You and Dr. McKay seem very close," he said softly, suggestively.

John tensed but made sure his tone was neutral when he replied. "Give us a bigger room and we won't have to be so close."

"You care about each other," Kolya replied easily. "It's interesting to watch."

"Happy to entertain you," John said, avoiding Kolya's eyes. He didn't want to know what the man was thinking. John just wanted out of here.

The scientist lady came over to them. "Lie down, Colonel," she ordered John. "I need another sample."

John knew better than to argue. The few times he had resisted he had found himself pinned by guards then put in restraints. Cooperation was preferable. So he lay back, ignoring the stabbing pain in his temples, and offered his arm. A moment later he swirled into darkness.

OoO

Ten days and Ronon was anxious. He wanted to rescue Sheppard and McKay but everyone kept sitting around. Finally he stalked into Weir's office. She looked surprised to see him.

"Ronon, what can I do for you?" she asked, rising from her chair and moving to close the door behind him.

"Why aren't' we going after Sheppard and McKay?" he demanded.

Elizabeth winced. "The moment we find their location, I'll send you out to get them," she promised. "Now...how are you feeling? You look good."

Ronon knew she was trying to distract him and he wasn't buying it. "We need to go back to the planet. I can track them."

"Not through the gate you can't," Elizabeth shot back. "I want to go after them as much as you do, Ronon. Believe me. I keep thinking they're going to walk through that door any minute. I keep expecting to see John sitting in that chair..." She pointed to the one Ronon was standing next too then continued, "...feeding Lily. He's good with her." Unspoken was the fact that she wasn't. Lately, no one could console the baby.

"She misses him," Ronon whispered. He had watched Teyla taking care of the baby. The child was fretful and unhappy. It broke Ronon's heart to watch her.

Elizabeth returned to her chair and sank into it slowly. "We all do. We miss them both. We need them."

Ronon moved to plant his hands on her desk. "Then let me go look for them." He waved a hand to cut off her protest. "I can't just sit around. Let me at least go and look. Maybe I can find something that was missed. You have nothing to lose in sending me back and everything to gain."

"All right." Elizabeth looked almost surprised that she had capitulated. "I'll contact Major Lorne and he'll send a team with you."

"No...just one man and myself," Ronon shot back. "Someone who can keep up with me."

Elizabeth nodded. "Fine. When do you want to leave?" She looked envious as she asked.

Ronon considered. "Ten minutes." He watched her nod her consent then he was out the door. A cold smile curved his lips. Ronon knew the odds were against him finding anything. But to be doing something was better than waiting. And maybe, just maybe, he would find a way to bring Sheppard and McKay back home.

OoO

Lily was finally sleeping. Teyla sat beside her crib, watching. She was exhausted herself, but too tired to sleep. She knew that Ronon had gone to the planet in the hopes of being able to track Sheppard and McKay. Teyla had wanted to go with him but he had told her to stay. That Lily needed her. He had swayed her by stating that Sheppard and McKay would expect her to take care of Lily for them.

"They will come back to you, little one," Teyla whispered as she brushed a hand over the soft down hair on Lily's head. It had turned darker and thicker and the way it stood up reminded Teyla of Sheppard's unruly hair. "They will come back to us all," Teyla breathed. Then she closed her eyes and prayed.

OoO

Lorne had watched Ronon and one of the marines step through the gate with something akin to envy. At least Ronon was doing something to try and find Sheppard and McKay. Sitting around and doing nothing was killing Lorne. He had requested to be the one to go along but Weir had turned him down. She told him she needed him here.

It had taken him a while to realize why. Until Sheppard came back, Lorne was the head of the Military contingent on Atlantis. And wasn't that just a big ole kick in the face? He wasn't prepared to do the job. No way in hell was he ready for it. Sometimes he wondered how Sheppard managed to do the job and stay sane. Hell, he couldn't

OoO

Rodney watched John sleep. He wasn't doing well. Rodney had shouted at Kolya, making idle threats that made the Genii leader almost laugh out loud. He wanted to know what they were doing to John, but Kolya told him nothing. So Rodney could only sit and watch as the man he loved grew weaker and suffered in silence. Because Rodney knew that John was in pain. Headaches. He knew, also, that John had lied to him about eating.

Every night they got a small piece of bread and a bit of stew. John always gave Rodney half of his saying that Kolya gave him a big lunch while he was in the lab. Lying about how they wanted him to keep his strength up for his tests and Rodney had been so hungry that he had let himself believe it. Until their last shower. They were allowed one every three days and had been taking them separately until tonight. Tonight they had been brought to the showers before being put back in the cell. John coming from the lab and Rodney from the work station. The soap was harsh and the water barely warm, but they both enjoyed being clean. They got clean trousers and tunics to wear each time, also.

But watching John wash up tonight had horrified Rodney. He was thin, too thin, his bones sharp under his skin and he looked bruised. His eyes had been glassy and he had nearly collapsed at one point, wherein Rodney had supported John and helped him finish before getting him dried and dressed. He'd had to support him back to the cell, easing John onto the cot and covering him with a blanket. John had drifted off to sleep almost immediately. A restless sleep.

"Lily...LILY!" John screamed his daughter's name, bolting upright, eyes wide and frantic.

"John...it's all right. Shhhh!" Rodney reached for him, clamping a hand over John's mouth when he started to say Lily's name again. He didn't want Kolya to know about their daughter. About what John had experienced. Rodney knew that Kolya considered Sheppard to be something of a freak as it was. He knew this only because the 'so called' engineers he was working with to make the tracking devices had been gossiping about Sheppard. Saying that Kolya had learned that Sheppard not only was part Ancient but that he was part Wraith.

Rodney had assumed that during the testing or whatever they were doing to Sheppard, they had learned he had some Iratus bug DNA. Beckett had told Rodney that even though Sheppard was pure human again, the retrovirus had left a kind of signature on him. An imprint if you would. It scared the hell out of Rodney wondering what Kolya already though of John. What would he do if he knew Sheppard had experienced being pregnant and giving birth. The other thing that scared him was the fact that whoever was testing Sheppard had to rival Beckett's knowledge and experience. Which meant that the testing was far more advanced than Rodney would have expected.

John was trapped in a nightmare. He shoved away the hands holding him and was on his feet, searching for his daughter. He could hear her crying for him. He could feel the pain she was in. How sad she was. How afraid. "Lily!" He threw himself at the bars that were keeping them apart, gripping them and yanking, then slamming into them again when they wouldn't budge.

Rodney watched in horror as John freaked out. When he threw himself at the bars a third time, Rodney was galvanized out of his shocked state and he moved to John, grabbing him and pulling him away. It was like trying to hold a wild cat and Rodney got a bloody nose for his efforts. "GUARDS!" he shouted, because he knew he needed help to keep John from hurting either of them further.

Suddenly the guards were there, pulling John off Rodney, pushing him onto the cot. Rodney screamed at them not to hurt Sheppard, screaming in vain until Kolya was suddenly there with some woman. She injected Sheppard and he went limp and still. Rodney tried to crawl over to him but one of the big guards was carrying him off, the woman following close behind.

"Where are you taking him?" Rodney snarled at Kolya.

The man was chatting with one of the guards and he ignored Rodney for the moment.

Rodney got close, gripping Kolya's arm to pull the soldier towards him. He got a fist in the temple for his effort and the world went black for a moment. Rodney came back to blinding white reality when the toe of a boot caught him in the chest. He grunted and rolled away from the pain, before blinking hard and bringing Kolya's face into focus. "Where...what...what are you going to do to Sheppard?" Rodney croaked.

"Who is Lily?" Kolya countered, moving into a crouch. The smile that curved his lips was cold and brittle.

"I...I don't know," Rodney lied, and he knew Kolya knew it was a lie. He also knew that telling the lie was going to cost him.

OoO

John heard a woman's voice. He knew the voice, it was familiar, but he tried to pull away from it, and from the touch on his face. "No...no..." he muttered.

There were whispers then soft coolness against his forehead, easing the burning heat that enveloped him.

"Sleep John," the voice whispered.

He let himself drift away, knowing that something was wrong. But the darkness pulled to him and he embraced it, because drifting in and out of the shadows was the image of Lily.

**THE END...of part 14**

**Additional AN: Okay, okay, all you Rodney whumpers (and you know who you are), yes, Rodney whump coming up next so hang on! **


	15. Chapter 15

**AN:** Dragonflysoul, here you go (and this is like faster than we've been in a while)! And, never let it not be said that we are not an equal opportunity whumper...**  
**

**And now…part 15**

Rodney had been in this situation before, and the memories weren't pleasant. Like torture ever was. The fact that he was once again strapped to a chair, and staring up at Kolya, it all had a certain amount of Déjà vu. Of course, back then he'd had a lot more reason to cooperate, knife work notwithstanding. Elizabeth's life, keeping Sheppard's presence unknown – a lot of reasons, and what he'd given Kolya hadn't helped…much. The plan to save the city…what was a plan to save a city anyway in the grand scheme of things?

But now, as his head snapped back from another vicious blow, he knew there wasn't any Sheppard skulking about trying to rescue him because Sheppard was currently in his own big big incredibly large pile of crap, and a lot more than one life hung in the balance. The Eradian people, for one, because their presence wasn't widely known, nor did they want it to be. Granted, their illusion was good, but if Kolya knew it existed, he wouldn't leave them in peace. The bonding and pregnancy related to the ATA gene. Wouldn't Kolya just love to find out there was a planet where the gene occurred, albeit in weaker strains?

And then there was Lily and what she meant to Sheppard…and to him.

Rodney tried to utter a disdainful snort, but it came out more like an irritated snivel. "Come on," he poked. "You can do better than that. I've been here before, remember?" And when he said here, he meant here as in 'torture the weak link, you fucking bastard', here. After he said it, he kind of surprised himself. Didn't think he had it in him.

Kolya's smile was lazy, playful even. No…more like predatory. Suddenly, Rodney wondered what the hell he was doing. "No no no, I don't mean better as in hurt the scientist worse, because you need me intact, you know, for building tracking devices and other complicated things…so damaging the scientist is bad. Bad bad bad." He looked quizzically at Kolya, "Did I mention bad?"

"I think you might have, Doctor McKay, and I need you, that much is true," agreed Kolya. He leaned in painfully close, blowing the three foot rule of personal space out of the water and making Rodney sweat more. "But what I plan to do won't leave you permanently damaged."

"I see," Rodney tried not to stutter. "Just so we're on the same page here, my definition of 'permanent damage' is anything that takes more than a day to recover from." He laughed nervously and titled his head since he couldn't use his hands. "Brain cells, you know. They never grow back."

Kolya pulled away, and the amused smile remained. Oh, boy, did Rodney wish it hadn't. "Then tell me what I want to know. Who is Lily, and what is she to Colonel Sheppard and…" those eyes bored into McKay, and the smile slipped into satisfied speculation, "…you?"

If Rodney could've thought up a believable lie, he would've, but all the ones he'd tried had only earned him a bloody nose, bruised kidney (and he knew he'd be peeing blood tonight), and more blows that had rung his ears into temporary tinnitus. Feeling reckless, because god knew he had nothing to lose, and nothing to give, Rodney's lips curved into his best imitation of a snarl, which all in all, he figured came out pretty weak consider how terrified he was right at that moment. "Wouldn't you like to know," he needled. Maybe if he could get Kolya to slip by pissing him off, he'd hit him just that little bit harder than he intended, and Rodney could slide into unconsciousness, thereby not giving away any secrets.

The blow that came knocked him backwards, and he fell still restrained to the chair. The impact with the ground was incredibly painful, and for a moment, his eyesight grayed. Groaning from the agony in his back and head, Rodney wondered just how many brain cells he'd already lost, because doing something so ridiculously stupid as taunting the guy with all the advantages and lots of anger issues, was something for the mentally incompetent.

He watched as black military boots moved in to view, and then Kolya's face dropped in front of his, sideways since he was still on the ground. The mouth was twisted into a crooked smile. "Yes, Doctor McKay, I would like to know. And before you leave this room, I will." The face pulled back. "Get him up, and tell Doctor Sharon I want some of the prototype, now."

And now the only thing going through Rodney's mind was just how screwed he was.

OoO

Ava Sharon stared at Sheppard, drugged and sleeping, and looking very vulnerable on the gurney. She didn't bear the man any ill will. If things had been different, maybe she even would've gotten on well with the man. It was hard to say, because things were different, and her position was all that kept her family alive. It wasn't something she'd jeopardize for a test subject.

When the Genii had invaded her home world, she'd resisted, like everyone else. They wanted technology, scientists, anything from her planet that would aid their people. It hadn't mattered that her people would've been willing to share, and to work together. The Genii had the larger brute force, and they'd used it.

She'd been a member of the Technological Core, and one of the first things the Genii did, was secure the families of the Core members. If you didn't cooperate, your family members were executed.

Dougas Trevor, the head of their Core, had refused. They'd watched as his wife, and three children, along with mother, father and his wife's mother and father, were lined up. He'd been given one chance to recant. One. Dougas had looked at the Genii commando leader, one Acastus Kolya, and spat on the ground at his feet. Dougas said he'd rather die, than help a race of people like the Genii grow more dangerous and advanced.

Kolya hadn't even seemed regretful. He'd spun around to face his soldiers, all with guns out and raised, and ordered his men to fire. The family members didn't even have time to plead, their bodies just curved around the impact, and crumpled. Ironically, the cries had come from the other scientists, and maybe part of it was because of what that meant for all of them. No choices. Then Kolya had turned back to face Dougas, and with no more care than one would squash an insect, he pulled one of those lethal guns from the holster around his waist, stuck it in Dougas's belly, and said as he fired, "I can't stand a coward that would let his family die for him."

Dougas had died, just like the others. That's when Sharon had decided then and there that she would work for anyone if it saved her family. Someday, maybe, she'd be ashamed, but that day hadn't come yet.

The prototype, the drug she'd been working years on, was finally nearing completion. Sheppard was her first trial, and while the results were not all that she'd hoped for, there was progress. The drug was aimed at the subconscious state, during REM sleep, and when the subject was the most suggestible…or pliable, she mused.

The interrogator would whisper what they wanted to know, and the individual would talk. To them, it was a dream, and the subject would be fortunate if they even remembered. So far, Sheppard hadn't. The only problem she was having was that Sheppard was either blocking information, or the drug wasn't as potent as they needed. When he was asked about the codes to get through the shield, he told them Atlantis was destroyed. A lie they all knew for what it was. When asked about their home world, Sheppard had prattled on about a sport called surfing.

Despite her forced loyalty to the Genii, he was intriguing her. The simulations she'd ran suggested it wasn't the drug at fault, but something in Sheppard's brain chemistry allowing him to work around the effects. In each answer, there were truths.

And then there were the unexpected side-effects. Fever, headaches, and she couldn't account for them because he was the first human trial. For all Sharon knew, it might be a virus and not the drug at all. Sighing, she moved to a bench and withdrew an instrument to take another round of vitals on the colonel. His recent erratic behavior had been alarming.

The opening door drew her attention away from the gurney. "Yes?" she asked, coolly. She didn't like the soldiers coming unescorted into her lab.

"Commander Kolya ordered us to get some of the prototype for use on the other one."

"It needs to be administered in the proper setting." Frowning, she moved to the cabinet where she kept the vials of the drug. "If he wants to use it on McKay, then he must bring him here."

"He wants it, now."

Sharon stared at the man. He was just another Genii soldier, impeccable at following orders, and not good for much else. "I'm not giving it to you. I have to take a baseline reading, log vitals, and track reactions. It's dangerous and it must be done in a laboratory setting. You tell him I said to bring McKay here," she insisted.

The man wanted to continue to argue his orders, but this wasn't in his realm of anticipated responses and Sharon knew he didn't want to make a misstep that earned him displeasure on any side of the coin. She watched as he considered that regardless of what he did, he was bound to face some kind of recrimination. If he forced the issue and took the vial, what if McKay died and this scientist blamed him for not delivering her warning?

Sharon knew she'd won even before the soldier nodded curtly and left. And once again, she was left considering the figure on the bed… "What are you hiding, John Sheppard," she whispered.

OoO

Ronon had been trained in a military that didn't tolerate mistakes. He'd learned fast and early, that you either did, or you died. The younger you were, the more leniencies you got, but at a certain point, you were expected to know your stuff. That stuff included tracking.

His years spent as a Runner had only served to hone his skills, to a level that these Genii couldn't hope to anticipate. Because of that, it was almost child's play to find the trail that led to an underground bunker. A large box on the door was keeping him out. Too bad for the box.

"It's locked," the marine stated.

Ronon shrugged, and pulled out his gun. He fired, and when the smoke cleared, only a hole remained. "Not anymore," he said, pushing it open. Being quiet wasn't an issue, because they'd already spent over a day monitoring the only entrance he'd found. No one had come or gone in that time, and he had a suspicion that no one would.

Staying would've been stupid, and though these Genii weren't that smart, he didn't make the mistake that they were totally incompetent. The marine, Sergeant Dodd, pulled a flash light and switched it on, directing the beam of light into the dark hall. Ronon glanced over his shoulder at the man, annoyed. Dodd was scrunched up so close that he almost touched Ronon's back. After the look, Dodd grimaced sheepishly, and took a step back.

"Stay back," Ronon ordered gruffly. He didn't know if there'd be any traps, and the last thing he wanted was this young soldier's death on his hands. The Satedan knew he wasn't a hundred percent, yet, and this was also the first time that he'd been placed in charge of a mission. The two facts combined to add more caution that he probably would've used.

Dodd nodded, the flashlight moving with his body. "This is me, staying back," he said nervously.

Dodd had only been out twice. Once was a science escort that had ended in a swarm of insects chasing them back through the gate, and this made trip number two. Everyone else was tied up in other missions. Lorne had been stuck on Atlantis filling in for Sheppard. Ronon sighed to himself. He should've fought harder to go alone, more than he had. If something didn't kill Dodd, he just might. Especially if the Sergeant got that close again.

Ronon glanced back, and Dodd lifted his hands, as if saying 'I'm back, I'm back', and if Ronon did a very McKay'ish eye roll, well, who could blame him? It definitely was not because the scientist's mannerisms were rubbing off. Period. He turned forward again, waiting not so patiently for the flashlight to be pointed back where it should, before taking a careful step inside.

The building smelled like weapons. Metal, and burnt ozone. He narrowed his eyes, searching for tripwires and cameras. From what he'd been told, the Genii weren't as advanced as even his own people, but they were getting there. And they apparently were inclined to use subterfuge and hidden traps at any chance they could. The team Lorne had sent after the Genii spy Alicia had given up had left a nice surprise. Either the spy had died in the explosion or he'd escaped, but either way, it'd been another frustratingly closed door. And a reminder to be very careful.

As they moved deeper, another solid metal door presented itself. Ronon blasted it, too. It opened to stairs and he had to fight off the claustrophobic feeling as he started down. Walls on both sides, and only darkness behind and in front. Dodd was closer now, and this time, Ronon didn't mind.

The bottom wasn't far, and there was a light switch on the wall. Dodd reached for it, but Ronon's hand gripped the Sergeant's wrist. He raised a finger to his mouth, and pulled the multi-use tool from his belt. Selecting the screwdriver that would fit close enough, he unscrewed the metal plate that held the switch, and when he pulled it carefully out, it revealed a wire running into the wall that ended in a timer. So, they had set up traps. Not that he'd expected anything less.

"Don't touch anything," Ronon warned.

Dodd swallowed, and nodded.

They pressed on, Dodd taking the time to light the walls, floor, and ceiling incrementally as they progressed. If there was anything else there, Ronon couldn't see it.

The corridor ended and opened into a room. The door was already ajar, and motioning at Dodd to direct the beam inward, he quickly surveyed for anything suspicious. His sweep came up negative, so he stepped in, and found two cells. Simple bars, nothing fancy about them. The door into one was open and unlocked, and Ronon could see scuffle marks in the dust.

This building had gone unused for a while before they'd brought McKay here. Judging from the marks, he was pretty sure Sheppard had been kept at least for a while also, before they'd abandoned it again.

Keeping low to the ground, he moved slowly in, trying to get an idea of how many people had been here. At least five from what he could see. The patterns and marks indicated that Sheppard and McKay hadn't left on their own two feet. That bothered him, until he caught sight of the discarded darts by the bed. They'd been knocked out, then, not anything worse. "Dodd," Ronon rumbled. "Get these in a bag to take back for the doc."

While Dodd took care of that, Ronon left the cell, and found a small alcove where something that looked a lot like a computer was stuck in the wall, above a desk.

"What is it?" Dodd asked, causing Ronon to jump, because for once, the training he was putting in on these earthmen was actually reflected in their actions. He hadn't heard the marine approach from behind.

"I dunno, but it looks an awful lot like those things your people use. Not as pretty." Ronon peered closer, taking his knife and trying to pry into a thin line on the wall.

"Computer?" Dodd knelt down and got the flashlight up under the desk part. "I see – oh, shit!" There was a loud bang.

"What?" rumbled Ronon, already feeling the sinking in his gut.

Dodd quickly reached for the knife. "Quick, give it!"

Ronon dropped it, handle first, into the Sergeant's grasp. A few grunts, a yelp, and Dodd scooted out, holding a bulky box. "I set off a timer, let's go!"

The marine was already up the steps by the time Ronon reacted. And if Ronon blamed his healing status, no one would dare say other wise. He sprinted after the Sergeant, promising that Dodd's next training session would entail a lot of sweating, and throws. Lots of bone-jarring throws.

"How much time?" Ronon grunted, as they crested the stairs.

Dodd shouted over his shoulder, "A minute, but it took me about twenty seconds to get that part off, so it's just about to -"

And even as the door they'd used to enter the complex came into sight, a massive rush of air pushed them forcefully out, and by forceful he meant off the feet and flying. Ronon had the vague impression of metal, heat and then nothing.

OoO

Elizabeth sat on the floor in the control center, playing patty cake with Lily, and if this was something she'd never thought she'd be doing, it was all in the name of sacrifice, right? The things you do for friends…

It wasn't that she didn't like kids, it was just that she'd given up on ever having any, and if by proxy she suddenly found herself in a very parental role, then she could do this. Of course, it was easy to say when Lily was smiling at her, and trying sloppily to hit her hands. It wasn't so easy when night came, and Lily cried for those two men she needed more than anyone else. One in particular.

Carson suspected the bond hadn't entirely faded, and either Lily was miserable because of Sheppard's absence, or she was miserable because of Sheppard's physical condition. Neither of which were reason to celebrate, but the one was more ominous than the other, and god, she hoped it wasn't that.

The gurgling drew her away from the morbid thoughts. "And you just like that, don't you!" Elizabeth cooed, as she patted Lily's pudgy hand, eliciting a full-throated giggle from the baby.

She'd filled out, and had started crawling more. She took more work to keep up with, and all Elizabeth could think about was how much John would've loved to see his daughter becoming such an active personality.

"Da…" Lily bubbled. "Da…da…ba ba."

Elizabeth's hand froze. "Lily?" Did she just say Dada?

The little girl stared happily at Elizabeth and said again, "Da da ba ba."

"Oh, no," she groaned. "You would decide now to say dada…do you know what your dada's will do to me when they find out you didn't wait for them?" Elizabeth chided. Of course, she didn't mean it. For all she knew, it could just be more elaborate baby babble…but it did sound very clear and very purposeful, and Lily was nearing seven months. She'd have to check, because goodness knows, she'd had enough to deal with let alone tracking the exact age of the baby, but Elizabeth did know she was over six months.

"Doctor Weir, unknown gate activation!" the tech called, just as her mind had processed the noise of the gate engaging.

"IDC?" she asked, climbing to her feet, trying not to show how sore sitting had made her legs. There was something to be said for youth and sitting Indian style.

"Coming in now…" the gate tech called, staring at his screen. "It's Ronon, Ma'am!"

"Lower the shield!" she ordered, knowing even as she did so it was a redundant order. She'd have the head of any tech that didn't lower it when a legitimate IDC came through.

She glanced down, and it took a second for it to dawn on her. The baby! "Lily?" she shouted, panicked. "Where'd she go?"

The tech's eyes widened and he stood, looking around. "The gate!"

Elizabeth felt herself grow cold as she started running down the stairs. Lily was crawling clumsily towards the gate. At that moment, Ronon came through, bloody and covered in dust, dragging an unconscious Dodd.

He stopped, and stared at Lily, his face registering surprise. Ronon eased Dodd to the floor. He heard Elizabeth shouting for a med team, and then she was next to him.

"She must've climbed down the stairs when I wasn't looking!" Elizabeth said, her voice shaking. "She could've broken her neck!" After taking a steadying breath, she asked, "What happened? Dodd?"

But Lily was all bubbles and content, and smiled towards the gate. "Da…da."

Ronon's face grew troubled as he lifted the baby, trying not to get her dirty. "We're working on it, kid," he said. She smiled more, and latched on to one of his braids. He tried unsuccessfully to pull her hand free. "Dodd's going to live. I think I blocked most of the blast with my body."

"Did you find anything?" Elizabeth asked, startled by his last sentence. She was recovering from Lily's escapade, and mentally noting that the little girl would not be allowed in the gateroom again, unless someone could give her constant attention. And now Ronon was talking about blasts, and blocking bodies, when all she'd sent him on was a simple recon mission.

He held Lily out for her to take, and winced as the baby persistently held on to his hair. Elizabeth smiled despite the gravity of the situation, amused over his predicament, but she helped ease the baby's fist open, and settled Lily against her hip.

Slipping the box out of his duster, he held it out to her. "They were definitely there, looks like they were darted with something before they were moved to another location. Got those, too. Anyway, Dodd pulled this from some computer before it set off a self-destruct."

The medical team rushed in, and swarmed on Dodd, before Beckett looked at Ronon. "Bloody hell, what've you done now? You've only been out of my care a short while and already you're eager to be back."

"Relax, Doc. I was only knocked out for a little while…" Ronon frowned in concentration. "I think."

Elizabeth took the box, and the bag containing the darts. "I'll have Zelenka look at this, and Carson," she held the bag out.

Beckett grimaced, took the bag, and started tugging on Ronon's arm. "Come on, you bloody ox, I know it hurts more than you're letting on."

Ronon looked at the doctor grumpily. "Ox?" but he let himself be led away.

Sighing, Elizabeth tapped her head set, and tried to keep Lily from playing with the metal box. "Doctor Zelenka, come to the control room, please. I've got something for you to look at." She tapped it off, and started up the steps, trying not to think again how easily the baby could've been seriously hurt on her way down those same steps.

Lily had probably scooted backwards on her belly, like they'd seen her do the few times she'd been around small steps, one or two, usually leading from one room to a lower room. But this wasn't a small step, and Elizabeth never would've forgiven herself if it had ended any differently.

"Dadadadada," babbled the baby.

Elizabeth wearily nodded. "Dada," she repeated for Lily. Maybe it was a good time to hand over the babysitting to Teyla…

OoO

When Sheppard woke, he felt sick. And not queasy sick, but sick as in fever, and tired to the bone, sick. He became aware of things in small packets of information. First, he was in their cell, and he had a vague memory of attacking the guards, or the bars…Rodney?

Moaning from the effort, he pushed himself up, and glanced around. His eyes quickly locked onto the other cot, and the still figure in it. Rodney!

"McKay," he hissed, stumbling to his feet. The figure didn't move.

Closing his eyes against the vertigo, he paused, and then forced his feet to take him forward. He meant to drop somewhat controlled to the floor, but John actually fell to his knees. Biting his lip against the pain in his kneecaps, he looked at McKay. Christ. Rodney's face was swollen, bruised, and dried flecks of blood trailed from his nose to his chin. He was a disaster, and John could only imagine what hidden hurts were there.

Frowning, he lifted a trembling hand to the physicist's hair, and felt over and around, searching for any large knots. He found a couple, and then moved down to feel Rodney's chest for broken ribs, and then his arms for broken bones. When he was doing that, he found the needle site in the crook of his elbow. "Oh, damn," he whispered softly.

So much for trying to keep their attention on him, and get them to leave Rodney alone. Sighing, John struggled back to his feet and over to the pail where the water was kept. The real kicker was that the Genii had running water. They just didn't warrant that luxury.

He dragged the pail towards the bed, trying to ignore the spillage of precious water. Ripping some of the cloth from his shirt, John dipped it into the pail, and started wiping Rodney's face clean. "Sure didn't improve your looks, any," he joked to himself, needing to hear something, even if it was only his own voice. And deep inside, he tried to not feel what seeing Rodney like this did to him. He'd hoped it wouldn't get to this.

"If I said things looked bad…" John bit back a strangled chuckle, because that was probably the understatement of the year. He eased Rodney's shirt up and hissed involuntarily as the deep bruises revealed just how 'worked over' McKay had gotten. Needing to find humor, because if he didn't laugh, god knows, he'd probably cry, he joked, "Good thing I didn't love you for your body."

John's memories were mostly intact at this point, and he knew that he did love Rodney. Just as he also knew he'd never admitted it before, and if it weren't for the circumstances, and the fact that McKay was unconscious, he probably wouldn't have admitted it now. Something like that…it just didn't come easy.

But, above all else, he felt a need to talk to Rodney. To make himself believe that McKay was still alive, and that he'd be okay…they'd be okay. Right now, that was kind of hard, because he hadn't felt this bad in a long time, and judging from the condition of McKay's body, Rodney wasn't any better. It was a kindness that he was unconscious.

Try as he might, John didn't see a way out of this. And he didn't want to spend the rest of their lives, however long or short that might be, living like this. Rescue. It was their only hope, but how long could they hold on to that hope?

When he was finished wiping Rodney's wounds, John dropped onto his butt, his back against McKay's cot. "I know I'm usually the optimist, Rodney, but I'm not sure I can be this time. It's looking pretty grim, and maybe I should've told you before how I felt, but there never was a good time." It was easier, saying all those things that you could never get the courage up to say at any other time, when the one that needed to hear it, wasn't aware of what you were saying.

John stretched his legs straight, trying to ignore the ache. His entire body ached, and he knew it was from the fever. He closed his eyes, and tried to ignore the hollowness in his gut. "Come to think of it, I don't suppose there ever would be a good time to admit you've fallen in love with your best friend. You know. Aside from the whole 'being gay' thing," he continued to talk out loud. It was kind of freeing, almost felt like a weight was being lifted. Hell, the rate things were going, it wasn't like the world wouldn't find out. He didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to hold on against whatever they were doing to him. If he even was still holding on. He sighed, "Anyway, maybe it's not so much gay, as just finding the right person in you. Jesus, how pitiful is that. The right person is a guy that thinks he's smarter than 99.9 percent of the general population."

"If you're going for general population, try 100 percent," croaked McKay.

Sheppard's eyes shot open, and he jerked around to find Rodney staring up at the ceiling. "How -"

"Long enough to know I'm not gonna get my ass kicked too bad for faking the marriage thing," Rodney's mouth twisted into a sardonic smile. He coughed, and then choked on stuff deep in his chest, forcing John to quickly help him sit up. He scooped a cup of water, and held it to McKay's lips.

Rodney sipped gratefully, and pulled back, waving Sheppard off. "Good…that's good."

"I'm still gonna kick your ass," John threatened good-naturedly. "I've made sure to set aside an appointment for when we get back." Surprisingly, he didn't feel embarrassed, or angry, or anything, except a small seed of pleasure. Which was just really weird considering their situation.

John was so damn tired, though, and he let the cup fall to the ground, before dropping next to Rodney on the cot. Did he mention how screwed they were?

Rodney let his head rest against the metal wall. "What are we going to do?" he asked, and all the teasing was gone, leaving only the stark realization of their situation.

"I don't know," admitted John quietly. "Hang on. It's all we can do." And if they did get rescued, he and Rodney were going to have a very long talk.

**The end…of part 15**


	16. Chapter 16

**ABOUT A BABY...part 16**

Radek stared at the computer screen. He had spent the past two and a half days stripping information off the hard drive that Ronon had brought back to Atlantis. He knew that somewhere in the data was the address that would lead them to finding Sheppard and Rodney. All he had to do was find it.

"Any luck, Doc?"

Flinching at the voice that was close behind him, Radek ended up tipping over his coffee mug. Luckily, it was empty. Still, he reached for it with a shaky hand, placing it upright again before turning on his stool to stare at the Major. "No...no luck yet." It hurt to admit that. It hurt them all.

Lorne laid a heavy hand on Zelenka's shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. "Maybe you need to take a break. Get some sleep, Doc. Then you can come at it again with a clear head."

"There's no time for sleep!" Radek protested.

"The Colonel and McKay have made it this far." Lorne made it a fact, not an assumption. "They can wait a little longer. If you don't get some sleep, you'll never find what you're looking for.

Radek wanted to argue with him, but the Major was right. He was long past exhaustion, which meant he was probably missing something vital. "I wish Rodney was here," Radek whispered, as he slid his glasses off so he could rub his tired eyes.

Lorne heaved a sigh that was heart felt. "Yeah...I feel the same about the Colonel. Having walked a mile in his shoes...I have a new respect and admiration for him. And I can't wait till he comes back home so he can have his job back."

"I feel the same about Rodney," Radek confessed, and he found himself smiling for the first time in what felt like forever. It helped knowing that he wasn't alone in his fears. Fears for himself, for Atlantis, and for the Colonel and McKay.

"Come on, Doc...I'll walk you to your room," Lorne stated.

Radek shook his head. "No, no...there is a couch in side room. I will sleep there. I need to be close...in case...well..." he wasn't sure how to explain what he meant. That he felt like he needed to be close to the computer. He could take it back to his room but he needed to be here. To be in this lab. Rodney's lab.

Lorne studied him a moment, seemed to reach some conclusion, then nodded. "Okay then. Just make sure you do sleep. I'll be checking on you."

"Like Sheppard would," Radek whispered. He knew his words reached the Major, because his step faltered as he reached the door. A half salute in response then Lorne was gone. Radek slid off his stool but he took one last look at the computer screen. It was a mass of blurred lines, everything jumbled together, just like the thoughts in his head. Just like his emotions.

Pushing away from the table, Radek stumbled into the other room and curled up on the cot in the corner. He closed his eyes but didn't drift off into sleep. Instead he remembered a prayer his grandmother had taught him as a child. A prayer for god to watch over family and friends. Radek whispered the prayer. Over and over again, until darkness claimed him.

OoO

Ronon found himself back-pedaling as Teyla attacked him. Her sticks were a blur and she was a body of pure motion that he could not ever hope to emulate. He was so focused on her grace that he ignored the ferocity of her attack and soon found himself stumbling. Never one to miss an opening, Teyla was on him in a heartbeat, taking him down hard. Ronon stayed down.

Teyla loomed over him, panting, body quivering and dusky skin slicked with sweat. "You were distracted," she said, her tone clipped. She looked disappointed.

"I'm not good with sticks," Ronon countered, in his own defense.

"You rely too much on brute force," Teyla shot back, and now she sounded angry.

Ronon felt a rising anger as he accepted her hand, making her work at pulling him to his feet. He understood why he was angry, why she was. They both were unsettled. Lost. Adrift without purpose. They needed the team back together. "It's all I know," he said after the silence between them became deafening in his ears.

Teyla flinched, visibly releasing the tension in her body before turning her back on him to grab a towel from the window seat.

"I've watched you fight with Sheppard," Ronon said, as he moved to join her. "He's pretty good."

"He is," Teyla allowed, as she handed him a bottle of water as if it were a peace offering.

Ronon accepted it as such and took a long drink, but he watched her as she began to pace. Teyla never paced.

After a moment she continued to comment. "Colonel Sheppard needs to practice more, but he is better than he lets on."

"He doesn't want to reveal too much of himself," Ronon interjected, handing back the water bottle. "Not to you. Not to anyone."

"He is so much more than he ever lets anyone see," Teyla allowed. Then she took a drink of water before recapping it and slipping it into her bag.

Ronon considered her words. "McKay is the opposite."

Teyla smiled at that. "They compliment each other."

"We need them back!" Ronon hissed. He was angry again. Furious that they were all so helpless.

"I know," Teyla whispered, as she touched Ronon's arm. Then she gathered her belongings and exited the room.

Ronon watched her go then stalked out after her, in search of some marines to fight.

OoO

Carson cooed at Lily as he gave her a check up. He couldn't help but smile as she batted her tiny fist at him, but the smile was a bit strained. He was worried about her. Worried that she wasn't eating or sleeping properly. Worried about what it meant. He felt Elizabeth's eyes on him, and he lifted his head to meet them.

"How is she?" Elizabeth asked, her voice edged with tension.

"She's tired and cranky and needs to eat and sleep more," Carson replied, knowing that wasn't what Elizabeth wanted to hear. He was about to say something else when Lily interrupted him.

"Da da da.." she sing-songed.

Carson blinked at her, wide-eyed. "Did she just say...?"

Elizabeth nodded softly. "Yeah...and John missed it. They both missed it." Her eyes glistened and she swiped at them angrily, with one hand.

"They'll be back to hear it soon enough," Carson replied, and it was an automatic response. No one would allow themselves to believe that the Colonel and McKay might be lost to them.

"Do you think Lily is getting worse?" Elizabeth asked, and she looked terrified by the question. Terrified, but determined.

Carson sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, not certain what to say. "I think it's possible," he allowed. And it scared him to think that Lily might be mirroring Colonel Sheppard's condition. Mainly because he was certain that if Sheppard was sick or hurt, that it was being filtered by Lily. Which meant that it was far worse for the Colonel, wherever he was. The man hadn't been fully recovered as it was when he'd gone through the gate. Carson didn't want to even think about what condition he might be in now. Or Rodney for that matter. Kolya was cold-blooded and pissed at Sheppard. Carson had no doubt that he would make sure to punish both men.

Elizabeth scooped Lily off the exam table when she started to cry. "Will she be all right?"

"I don't know anything for sure, but I don't believe her condition will become life-threatening for her," Carson stated, as firmly as he could.

"I hope you're right," Elizabeth said, then she turned and walked off, whispering quietly to Lily.

Carson watched them go then breathed, "So do I."

OoO

John came awake with a jolt, his body feeling heavy and achy, chest tight. Pain throbbed in his temples but he forced his eyes open, needing to reassure himself that the image of Rodney, bloody body and dead, was nothing but a dream. "Rodney..." he croaked, only to find a cool hand on his forehead and a soft voice whispering to him to lie still. John knew it was her voice. The scientist lady. "Don't know your name," he mumbled, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth.

"It's Ava," she replied, then she held a cup of water to his lips.

John took a sip and it felt like heaven sliding down his throat. He got his eyes fully open and realized he was in the lab, not the cell. It spooked him to know he hadn't been aware of being moved. Spooked him enough that he felt panic twist in his belly. They must've fallen asleep…"Rodney!"

Ava gripped his arm and held him down. "He's fine. He's here with you."

That made the panic sharper in his gut. "Why? Why is he here? What happened?" John tried to focus, but his head ached and every muscle and joint in his body hurt.

"Kolya is using my serum on McKay," Ava replied, and she looked uneasy at the thought.

"No! You can't!" John felt the panic spike and he tried to sit up, tried to push Ava's hands off him. It scared him that she could hold him back so easily. But he couldn't let Rodney be injected again – he remembered finding the puncture site on Rodney's arm back in the cell. John knew Rodney would not be able to fight its effects for long. He would tell Kolya everything and hate himself for it. John was not going to let that happen.

Leaning in to him, Ava whispered, "There's another way, John."

The use of his first name made him freeze. She had never been so personal with him before. He wondered if it were a trap, only to realize he might not have a choice but to believe her. "What other way?" he prompted.

"Relax, rest, and I'll tell you," Ava countered. She moved away for a moment, only to return with a cool, damp cloth. She wiped John's face and neck with it, then let it rest against his forehead. "You're fever's up and you need to be still."

"I need to protect McKay," John shot back, but he tried to relax against the pillows because he really did feel like crap. Tired and weak and he didn't have time for this. Not if he wanted to help Rodney. "What can you do?"

Ava looked around the lab, then she whispered, "I can give him an injection of something else. But it will make him very sick and send him into a comatose state."

John felt nausea curl in his stomach at her words. "Will it kill him?" he asked.

"No." Ava locked eyes with John as she spoke, and there was no doubt in her gaze.

"Why would you do that?" John wondered. "Why help us?"

Ava hesitated then said, "I have my reasons."

John wanted to ask what they were, but he heard footsteps approaching and he knew they were out of time. "Do it!" he hissed at Ava. "It'll buy us some time. My people are coming for us." He said it as a fact, and didn't let the doubt stay. When she nodded and made to turn away, he gripped her wrist hard, pulling her back. "But if he dies...I will kill you," John promised.

"I believe you," Ava whispered, as she peeled his fingers off her wrist. She schooled her features into a neutral expression then turned to face the door, just as Kolya entered.

"Are they ready?" he asked, without preamble.

Ava nodded. "They are. But it's risky."

Kolya shrugged. "Do it." He moved to McKay's side. "Him first."

Rodney had been still and quiet, dozing thanks to a sedative he'd been given, but now he stirred at the sound of Kolya's voice. "Wha...what?" he stammered, as his eyes opened and he blinked hard.

John watched as Ava prepared a syringe. He focused on Rodney as the guards bound McKay's wrists to the gurney. He wanted to go to him, to tell him that everything would be all right, but he couldn't say anything. He was helpless, unable to do anything but watch this play out. John didn't' even have the faith within himself to pray at this moment. Instead he watched as Ava injected Rodney.

"What are you doing?" Rodney's voice was high pitched with panic, then he was looking at John, seeing him for the first time, blue eyes wide with fear. But the next moment they glazed over and Rodney's body was shuddering, convulsing.

"What's happening?" Kolya snarled at Ava.

She was brave enough to glare back at him. "I warned you not to do this!" she snapped. "He's having a seizure." She moved to McKay and worked over him for a moment, injecting him with something else which calmed the convulsions, leaving Rodney limp and still. Then she checked his vitals before announcing, "He's comatose."

Kolya looked furious. "Wake him up!"

"I can't. He might never wake up." Ava stood her ground. "I warned you this could happen."

"Yes, you did!" Kolya looked like he wanted to punch her, but he held his anger in check and moved to Sheppard's gurney. "Give him a double dose of the serum. I want answers to my questions and I want them now!"

Ava looked horrified. "It could kill him!"

Kolya didn't react. "Do as I say, or must I remind you of the consequences of your disobedience?"

"I don't need a reminder," Ava whispered, even as she turned and moved to the side table. She picked up a vial and a syringe, carefully measuring out a dosage. Then she moved to Sheppard's other side.

John knew that what would happen next was going to be bad. He could see it in Ava's dark eyes. But he held her gaze and nodded slightly, letting her know he would accept his fate. He sensed that she was as much a prisoner to Kolya as he and Rodney were. He would not let her put herself at risk any further. She had done what she could to help them and John appreciated it. So, he did nothing more than close his eyes and offer his arm. He felt the sting of the needle and the familiar cold rush through his veins.

In the blink of an eye, John felt the difference. The burning pain he was used to from the injections was now white-hot agony and he heard himself screaming. Felt his throat go raw, felt his body shuddering. He was aware of trying to get up as if he could escape the pain. He felt hands on him, holding him down. He heard voices shouting but the words sounded muffled and distorted, echoing inside his head.

Then suddenly, he stopped screaming.

Kolya watched as Sheppard went limp against the gurney, body trembling, chest heaving, as he panted for each breath. "What is the gate address for Atlantis?" Kolya demanded.

John saw the image of Lily. He felt himself reaching out to her. Connecting to her the way he had with Dreya. And the moment the connection was complete, he felt her sadness and her pain and it made him ache. He wanted to touch her and he felt the pull of something inside him. He remembered how it had felt, bonding with Chaya, and John reached for that connection, separating his mind and soul from his body, letting himself become something weightless and quicksilver, twisting out of him and drifting away.

He felt a calm serenity wash over him, even as his body stilled.

Kolya watched as Sheppard's body calmed, the trembling fading away. He watched Sheppard's eyes open and he moved into the line of sight, but there was no focus. Realization dawning, Kolya waved a hand in front of Sheppard's face, almost brushing over his eyes. There was no reaction. Furious, he turned on Ava. "What happened?"

"I told you it might kill him," she replied, and for her effort she got a fist in her face that sent her reeling back against the lab table.

"Fix them!" Kolya snarled. He pointed a finger at Sheppard. "He's your top priority!" Moving forward to loom over Ava, Kolya gripped her arm, hauling her upright. "Do you understand me?"

Ava nodded, licking at the blood from her split lip. "I understand," she croaked out. Then she slumped back as Kolya released her. She watched him storm out the door, not moving until it slammed closed behind him. Then she moved to Sheppard, fingers fumbling for a pulse. Relief washed over her as she felt it thump against her fingertips. "I hope your friends come soon, John," she whispered.

But Ava wondered if it was not already too late.

**THE END...of part 16**

**AN: **Okay rubs hands everyone ready for the Big Damn Rescue? **  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: **Lilas, oh my...shorter...eek! Well, okay, the last one clocked in at just under 3,000 but the one before was over 5,000 and this one is just shy of 5,700 so I promise we aren't shortening the chapters on you, it just feels like it!And, as odd as it sounds, I hope this one goes that fast, as well and doesn't drag! Thank you Linzi for being a great beta. Warnings : this is the chapter we had to hold back until after Critical Mass aired. When we started this story line we had no idea that there'd be one in season two that was very close. If you haven't seen Critical Mass there is a MASSIVE spoiler in this part of the fic.

**And now…part 17**

Elizabeth tapped her pen against the desk, boredom and impatience combining to make her surly. Radek was still working on recovering the data, Teyla was taking her turn watching Lily, while Ronon was doing…god, who knew what Ronon was doing right now. And all she could think about was how she wished things would just speed up so they could get to the solution.

"Ma'am?"

Elizabeth stopped tapping, and looked up to find the gate tech on duty peeking in her doorway. "The Daedalus?" she asked. It was due to arrive any time now, and they needed to be ready for when it did. She wasn't going to risk the operative getting away.

He nodded. "I've got Hermiod on the radio now," he added.

Steadying herself for what was to come, she let the pen roll to the side. "Thank you," she said. "Patch it into my office, and get a message to Lorne that it's time to assemble his team." The solution to at least one of their problems was finally in motion…

**OoO**

Lorne checked his men, making sure everyone had the right weapons kitted to their uniform vests and the right gear. Stunners and P-90's. "Remember what I said," he lectured loudly. "Stun first, ask questions later. This isn't a witch hunt, people. There's a good man being held hostage, and I won't have some trigger happy marine taking his life away from him, understood?" he demanded.

Marines never enjoyed taking orders from an Air Force officer. But, with a slight roll of his shoulders to adjust his vest, Lorne thought grimly that they didn't have to like it, they just had to do their job. He had yet to see one of these men falter in that respect.

Turning away from the soldiers standing tautly at attention, Lorne saw Elizabeth descending the stairs, and quickly moving towards him. He walked her way, narrowing the distance separating them, and gestured at the command deck, "Is it ready?"

She nodded gravely. "Hermiod is going to beam you directly on to the bridge. Remember, Major," Elizabeth stressed, "He is only to be stunned, is that clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Lorne answered emphatically. Turning back to his men he ordered, "Assume positions!"

With a casual salute towards Weir, Lorne stepped in front of the marines, and tightened his hand around the stunner pistol Ronon had lent him. This was it. Taking a deep breath in, he nodded at Weir.

He felt the tingling of the transport beam and when it faded, he found himself on the bridge of the Daedalus, facing Caldwell, just as planned. The pistol pointed straight at the man's chest. "Colonel Caldwell, you are hereby relieved of command." He knew the marines were pointing the stunners at the others on the bridge crew. Lorne didn't want any complications and he wasn't going to waste time explaining why they were doing this to the bridge crew. There'd be time for that later.

Caldwell straightened in his seat, confusion and then anger flashing across his granite features. "What's the meaning of this, Major?" he demanded.

Lorne smiled tightly. "It has come to our attention that you are an unwilling host to a Goa'uld."

"This is insane. I'm not a Goa'uld," sneered Caldwell, sliding back into his chair in a dismissive manner. "There's been a misunderstanding, Major. Tell your men to stand down, and we can forget this ever happened."

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I can't do that."

When the eyes flashed, Lorne flinched, despite himself. He'd believed Alicia, because at the time, she'd had nothing else to lose. But being faced with the evidence was…disconcerting.

"You think you pitiful humans can stop us?" The resonant voice dripped disdain.

Lorne pulled the trigger. "Yes, I do." He stepped closer to the twitching body, and saw Caldwell looking up at him in fear. Lorne's lips curled back and he added, "Newsflash, we already have," and he stunned him again. This time, the body was still.

**OoO**

Night had arrived with no change in John or McKay's status, not that Ava had expected any differently. The drug she'd given McKay needed the counteragent in order for him to awake from his comatose state. The one thing she'd neglected to tell John was that if it wasn't administered within forty-eight hours, the odds of him responding to the counteragent went down incrementally after passing that deadline.

She balanced on the stool by her desk, skimming the report to make sure it was ready to be submitted. Because Kolya had said to focus on John first, she'd only gone so far as to ensure that McKay wasn't going to die. His vitals had stabilized. That left John…her eyes drifted to the deathly still figure on the gurney.

Increasingly, she felt frustrated. It'd been so easy to agree with the Genii demands, back when there hadn't been a face to her work. Now she had two, and the one pulled her in, and made her feel something she didn't want. Guilt…shame. Somehow she instinctively knew that this John was like her Dougas. He would rather die than be subjugated as she'd allowed herself to be. Or he would've died finding a way out of it, and it wasn't without some irony that she guessed in a way he had. Granted, he wasn't dead yet, but Ava wasn't sure that the line differentiating between the two was so very great now.

"Damn it," she swore to herself. She had a family back on her home world, and they would be executed. All it took was the word of one man. The Genii agents maintained their stranglehold on her planet, and saving John and his friend McKay, would do nothing more than sign her family's death warrants.

She closed her eyes, and pictured Dougas' family falling again. The gunshots echoed in her head. Dougas…sneering at Kolya, before he, too, fell dead. What price, this life? If it was only hers, the answer would be easier. Still, not simple, but one Ava thought she could make. Hoped she could. But her daughter and son? They were innocent except for having a mother in the Technological Core, and her actions made the decisions for them – and her husband…oh, how she ached for Mequi.

It had been six months since she'd been allowed home to visit. The memories spun and flashed, images of herself falling into their bed, wrapped in his strong arms, her tears mixed with her smile. He'd tenderly wiped them away, and kissed the salty trails, whispering that it would be all right. She'd wanted to believe him, so much, but down deep, she hadn't. After they'd made love, she'd retreated to the porch that overlooked the Denassi River and cried more. It was the only time she'd allowed herself to grieve for everything she'd lost. Her home, her family, her life.

Ava savagely pushed the memories away, and stared again at John. She hadn't tried to revive him from the coma, and that action alone might end in death. For her, and her family, but she'd known it would be what John wanted, and it was the only way she had of helping these strangers. "You said you needed time for your people to rescue you," she murmured. "But your time is running out." And she tried not to feel that hers, too, was running out.

**OoO**

Elizabeth paced within the nursery, holding Lily tight, and gently patting her back, trying to soothe the fretful baby. Carson had theorized it was the bond again, rearing its awful head at the worst moments. Lily had begun to refuse her strained foods, and then began to fuss at her bottles. For a moment, she almost felt kinship with the little girl. Caldwell was undergoing surgery to remove the Goa'uld, but Radek was still coming up empty with any progress towards finding John and Rodney. Was it so bad if she felt like throwing a tantrum herself?

It was approaching one in the morning, and Elizabeth was so tired her eyes would've crossed if they'd been open, but the same path she'd been pacing on since midnight, was one she could do now with her eyes closed. Everyone that was involved in Lily's life was pitching in, but at the rate she was deteriorating, Carson was worried she'd need to be kept in the infirmary, and possibly get a feeding tube.

He'd hoped the bond wouldn't kill her, but right now, Elizabeth wasn't convinced. Another fretful cry against her shoulder caused Elizabeth's head and heart to ache. Lily sounded so lost in her cries. They weren't normal cries of hunger, or boredom, or even pain like she'd gone through when teething or sick. This was something new – pitiful, and weak, like a lost sheep without its mother, and that's why she knew it was a cry for John.

"Hush, sweetie, it'll be all right," she soothed. Lily had grown to the point where holding her for this long made Elizabeth's arms leaden, and fatigued.

As she went to turn and make another circuit around, Lily suddenly threw her body backwards, arching away from Elizabeth. Struggling to hold on to the baby, Elizabeth tightened her grip, and stopped walking, tucking her head in closer to Lily's, trying to calm her with the soft warm touch of skin on skin.

That's when she noticed the trembling. Time stopped, and Elizabeth froze, down to the breath in her lungs. The trembling built to full-blown convulsions, and that's when Elizabeth ran.

**OoO**

If you'd asked Carson how many times he'd truly felt useless in his medical career, you would've gotten a number a lot higher than you might be expecting to hear. When you distilled down those moments, you'd realize that a good deal of those times had been reduced to watching the terminally ill die, the old and worn. Rubbing weary hands over his face, he acknowledged that this case was none of those times.

Lily's physical health was perfect, for a human baby. Her organ functions, blood counts, brain scans – everything came back clean. Yet, the proof was in the evidence, and the evidence was that this perfectly healthy seven month old child had fallen into a coma. For no bloody reason.

"Or one I can test for," he corrected himself grumpily. The hospital crib had been delivered months ago, and he wished it'd never needed to be used. Staring at the baby through the bars, he felt something inside clench tight, and it hurt. Lily was unnaturally pale, and the pallor combined with her infant skin, prominently showed the blue veins along the side of her face.

"You mustn't die, Lass, no matter what happens to your daddy, he wouldn't want this," Carson whispered. "I cannot accept a bond that would allow a child to die when the parent…" he couldn't finish.

God damn, three kinds of bloody hell…he couldn't say it, wouldn't. Couldn't admit what everyone else was thinking and saying behind his back. It'd been a month now, and no one believed that the Colonel and McKay were coming back. No one believed they were still alive, except for those stubborn few that refused to face the obvious.

"I'm not supposed to be this helpless," frustrated, he shoved his hands into his pockets. "It wasn't supposed to end like this. Your mother…she was a sweet woman. It was bad enough…and now Rodney and John, and you…we had laughter, and hope, and amidst the death and fear from the wraith, you were a wee shining star. You mustn't go, Lily," he pleaded from his heart. "Fight to stay, fight to hold on, because there's nothing more I can do for you."

No response. Nothing. Not a cry, or a twitch of a little muscle. Feeling very defeated, Carson turned his back on the crib, and headed for his office. There was a certain bottle of scotch that he had for just these moments. And as he poured himself a shot, he couldn't help but be dismayed by how low the bottle was becoming. Life in the Pegasus galaxy wasn't easy.

**OoO**

Zelenka stared tiredly at the screen. He'd never believed himself inferior to McKay, merely different ways of viewing problems, but this…this…he sighed, because this was beating him, and he didn't like being beaten by a level of technology that they'd surpassed decades ago.

**"**Hlavoun!" he swore. As he stared at the pattern of gibberish, it started to make sense. Cursing more, he began to type rapidly, and the gibberish began to shift, and scroll through, defining into something that made sense. "I've got it!" he shouted, almost surprised. After all that time working on the problem, one moment of insight, and there it was, staring him in the face.

He tapped the ear piece, "Doctor Weir, I think I've got something you will want to see!" he sung happily. Hitting the print key, Zelenka felt a surge of hope for the first time in a long while…

**OoO**

"It is encrypted," Radek explained to Weir. He pushed his glasses up on his nose, and handed the translated print-out of the important contents. The gate address for where they'd taken Sheppard and McKay. "This computer was left as a…a sophisticated message center.

"As you know, they have agents throughout other worlds, and I'm sure if we were to dig harder, those other addresses would yield similar underground facilities." Looking off to her side, Radek fixated on the carafe of coffee. "May I?" he asked hopefully.

Elizabeth nodded absently, and continued to study the paper. "Radek, not that I doubt your skills, but are you certain this information isn't a false trail?"

Zelenka grinned around the coffee mug. "Very sure," he asserted. "They are using a private key encryption, and made the mistake of not updating their outposts after the unsuccessful take-over of Atlantis. When they radioed to their base, they used this same encryption." He twitched imperceptibly. "I should've thought of it sooner but I forgot…"

She shook her head, amazed. "I don't think you have to apologize. We had the communications on file?"

He offered a tight smile. "Yes, thankfully, Atlantis has an extremely large buffer, and the old data hadn't been written over. It was merely a matter of accessing the interface that Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay had built in for security purposes. Though I doubt either realized their security protocols and program would serve this end -"

For once, something had gone their way, and Elizabeth was thankful. Shortly after the initial mission with the Genii, the one where they'd turned on Sheppard and tried to take what wasn't theirs, and Sheppard's intuition had paid off, he'd asked her about installing a monitoring program in the gateroom…just in case. Using their monitoring equipment, it would interface with the Ancients database and use a segment for dumping the data. Rodney had come up with the interface and made it work.

Now, with Lily in a coma, the situation was desperate. The Trust agents were neutralized, at least the ones they knew about. They had to find Rodney and John, and bring them home. "How long will it take the Daedalus to get there?"

"Two days," he said. "It is too close to use the hyperdrive."

"Can the sensors pick up John and Rodney from the Genii, or will it be impossible to pinpoint their location?"

Radek pulled his glasses from his face, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd been working almost non-stop, except for the minimal breaks he'd grudgingly taken. "The ATA gene," he whispered, then grew excited. "I can have Hermiod calibrate the sensors to find the ATA gene!"

Elizabeth latched on to the hope like a dying man to a raft. "Do you think this will work?"

"I don't know, but it's worth a try." He shoved the spectacles back in place over his nose.

She nodded slowly, it definitely was worth that, but Elizabeth wasn't sure she could handle failure. "Get started," she ordered. "I'll have Lorne's team ready in two hours. You can work on the sensors en route."

Radek nodded abruptly, and stood, heading for the door, only to rush back and grab the mug of coffee with an apologetic smile, before leaving. Lifting the paper he'd given her, she studied it again. The names of Sheppard and McKay jumped out at her, the gate address, reports of sedating the 'subjects'. It caused her to go cold. They'd been referred to as subjects as if they were lab rats, and for the first time, Elizabeth began to consider that maybe John and Rodney weren't going to be okay. And that thought scared her more than anything else had before.

**OoO**

Ronon faced the marine, his features unreadable. The soldier tensed, waiting, hands out in a defensive posture. Ronon began to move, circling, the edges of his mouth curling up in a feral grin. The effect on his opponent was increased nervousness. The young marine turned in sync as Ronon moved, keeping himself facing the runner as Ronon kept stepping sideways.

Suddenly, the runner dropped, reaching forward and pulling the marine's legs out from under him, falling on to the soldier and pinning his head to the mat with his thick forearm.

"Every opponent will reveal his move before he does it," Ronon instructed, pushing back, and offering a hand up to the soldier. He faced the men standing to the side of the mat. "Watch their body, their eyes. It isn't obvious, and it takes time to learn, but if you do, you'll be able to stay alive a lot longer.

"Pair off, and practice for fifteen minutes, then we'll see what you can do against me," Ronon ordered, stepping off the mat. He reached for his towel, and bottle of water.

Teyla came running through the door, where she quickly focused on him, and approached slower, shifting a gaze towards the soldiers that said 'get back to work and quit staring'. They did. Both Ronon and Teyla worked with these men in getting them more prepared for facing enemies. Ronon's specialty was hand to hand, while hers was with weapons, such as the sticks, though she could use almost anything.

"Ronon," she said, keeping her voice low. "Major Lorne is readying the team. It is time."

The feral look returned. Ronon grabbed his weapon holster. "Keep practicing till your session is up," he ordered the men, strapping it around his waist. "When I get back, each one of you had better be able to take me down at least once."

"Yes, Sir," the highest ranking Sergeant snapped quickly. He turned back to the others, and shouted an order to get back to work.

Ronon nodded at Teyla that he was ready. With a resigned smile, she led out of the room, saying over her shoulder, "There will be time for you to shower on the Daedalus."

"Shower?" Annoyed, he sniffed his armpits. "I don't stink."

Teyla walked faster. He frowned at her back, and sniffed again. "I don't stink," he repeated, but was now talking to himself. With a last disgruntled stare at her retreating figure, he jogged to catch up.

**OoO**

Lorne surveyed his team. Ronon, Teyla, Dodd, himself, Trevors and DeWitt. It was an insertion team, going for fast and discreet, rather than a massive onslaught. "Doc, you got those sensors ready?" he asked impatiently.

Radek cursed in Czech, and thrust a finger at a blinking light on Hermiod's console. "See, what did I tell you? It will not work like that." He glanced irritably in Lorne's direction. "One moment, Major, we are having a small disagreement on the narrowing band for detection."

Hermiod's big eyes blinked at the diminutive Czech. "We are not disagreeing," he said severely. "You are incorrect."

"Neser me!" Radek swore. "I know about the ATA gene, and I am telling you, this is wrong! Tighten the band to this specific genome."

Ronon leaned towards Lorne. "What'd he say?"

Lorne chuckled. "That was actually mild for Doctor Z. He said 'don't piss me off'." After explaining to Ronon, Lorne sidled next to Hermiod and stared at the console, not knowing what it said, but then met Radek's irritated stare. "You sure about this, Doc?"

Radek opened his mouth, then quickly snapped it shut. He took a steadying breath before replying, "I am certain, Major."

"Okay, then. Do it, and if you're wrong, you buy Hermiod a beer."

Hermiod stiffened. "I do not drink…beer."

The easy grin snaked over Lorne's face, and he leaned in towards the Asgard. "Trying new things is a sign of an open mind." He went to slap the aliens back, and at the lidded glare, pulled his hand back. "Okay," he said, stepping back. "Everyone, get in position. Doc, when you're done, beam us next to their life signs, but try not to insert us into rock or anything else solid."

"Almost…got it!" exclaimed Radek. "Two life signs with the ATA gene!"

Cheers went up on the bridge. Sheppard and McKay were still alive. Teyla and Ronon shared a meaningful look that said everything. The past month of not knowing, and fearing the worst, had taken a high toll.

"Remember, just like before, stun first, unless you have to use lethal force against an enemy." Lorne pulled his stun pistol and assumed head position of the pyramid design of their insertion force. "We don't know what condition our men are going to be in. The goal is to beam in, secure Sheppard and McKay, and beam out. This isn't about killing Genii…as much as we might want to." The grim faces reflected just how many did want that. But, they were trained soldiers, and Lorne knew they'd do their duty.

Hermiod moved a lever, and the bridge of the Daedalus disappeared…

…and a laboratory formed around them, or rather, they formed in it. The startled woman in the corner, perched on a lab stool, stared wide-eyed.

Lorne brought his weapon up. "Don't. Move," he ordered calmly.

She shook her head, as if affirming she wouldn't. Lorne heard the hissed breaths of Teyla and Ronon. He gestured at his men to keep the woman under guard, and turned to look.

"What the fuck did you do?" he blasted the woman, still staring in horror at the men on the gurneys.

Sheppard was thin, and pale. His eyes looked bruised, and he had wires hooked up everywhere. Looking over at McKay, he didn't see anything much better. Maybe not as thin, but damn close, and both looked dead. If it hadn't been for the slow rise of their chests, he would've thought they were.

The woman bristled. "I had no choice," she snapped. "The Genii do not often give people any."

He spun on his heels and strode three long steps, snatching her off the stool with a fist into her lab coat, and slammed her up against the desk. "I didn't ask why you did it," he snarled. "I asked what you did."

She trembled underneath his glare, but lifted her chin with all the courage she could muster. "If you'd release me, I will show you."

Ronon had left Sheppard and McKay, and was standing behind Lorne, holding his weapon and smiling like a wolf about to eat the sheep. "You'll tell him what he wants to know, and if he doesn't like what you say, then it's my turn."

Lorne released her clothes, and she straightened, pulling her lab coat back in place. She steadied herself, and moved over to the cabinet. Withdrawing two vials, she turned to Lorne. "John said his people would come. I've induced a coma in McKay, so that he would not betray their secrets. John told me to do it," she explained, her voice steady and precise.

"What about Sheppard," Ronon interrupted. "He asked to be like that, too?"

"If you'd let me finish," she remonstrated coolly. "Kolya had me developing a serum for mining information from the subject's minds without the messy side effects that come with physical interrogation. He grew frustrated by John's ability to avoid telling what he wanted to know. I was ordered to administer a dosage that was unsafe." Ava's voice dropped to a whisper at the end. "He, too, has fallen into a coma, and unlike McKay, I do not know how to reverse the damage."

Teyla moved her eyes from John, to Rodney, then to the woman. "I do not understand. You work for Kolya, but you tried to help them?" She narrowed her eyes at the contradiction. "Yet, you are to blame for the condition they are now in."

Ava snorted disdainfully. "And you've never seen the Genii's brutality? Do you think I agreed to do their dirty work because I enjoy this?"

"Then why did you?" Ronon asked, and his posture threatened a wrong answer would have consequences.

"My family," Ava snarled. "If I hadn't, they would've been slaughtered in front of me." She turned away, and Lorne watched as her shoulders shook. "They're dead now – or will be, so it doesn't matter. All this is monitored. Kolya's soldiers are on their way. Go." She turned around to give the vials to Lorne. "Give these to your people, the one with the red label will reverse McKay's coma, the one in blue is what was used on both of them. The prototype. I don't know if your doctor can help John, or not."

Lorne waved a pistol at one of his men to get the vials. He slapped a hand against the switch on his radio. "You got us?"

Radek's voice filtered through. "Yes, Major. There is one extra life sign, do you wish -"

Lorne glanced at Ava, and sighed. "Yeah, beam us all up, Doc," he ordered.

They waited, and when nothing happened, Lorne tapped the radio again, "Doc…"

"Major, there is some interference…" Radek's voice crackled and broke up, leaving only static.

"Doc?" Lorne tried again, and when he got nothing, swore. "They've jammed us, get ready! Teyla, push Sheppard and McKay against the far wall. The rest of you, line up to the side, and prepare to fire. These will not be friendlies," he ground out. "I repeat, not friendlies."

Hands tensed on weapons. The door to the lab opened, and a small ball rolled in. Lorne shouted a warning, but the grenade detonated. When the boom receded, he was momentarily blinded and deaf. A flash-bang. They must've copied the idea from their own arsenal. After reading up on that last mission against the Genii, Lorne knew Sheppard had used just such a weapon to gain the upper-hand and subdue Kolya and his men.

When he came out of it, they were surrounded. The pistols pointed at their heads weren't stunners. Sonofabitch. He breathed hard against the anger.

"Nice of you to drop in," Kolya said. "Lower your weapons, and we won't kill you…now."

Lorne's nostrils flared. "Our people know where you are. Let us go, and we won't kill you."

Kolya smiled crookedly. "I don't think you'll be the ones doing the killing."

Ava slipped behind the Genii soldiers. "Took you long enough," she whined. "I gave them the vials like you said."

Lorne glared, events dropping into place. "You knew we'd find the information on the other planet."

"I had hoped you would," corrected Kolya. "However, I began to have my doubts, and wondered if perhaps I'd overestimated your people's capabilities."

Teyla frowned at the Genii soldier nearest her. "I do not understand what you hope to accomplish by this?"

Kolya's cold laugh seeded fear in Lorne's gut. "Right now, I have our first tactical nuke directed at your ship. Thanks to Ava, I also have a jamming shield directed at it, as well. What I hoped to accomplish, I already have – Sheppard and McKay at my disposal for information and other…things. What I planned on ultimately capturing, is now in orbit around my world, and if you don't tell the crew to beam us up when I allow the communication through, the nuke will be launched, and it will be destroyed."

Pursing his lips together, Lorne caught sight of Ava moving stealthily behind the Genii soldier. She locked eyes with him, and nodded, pulling a pistol from a cabinet that was ajar.

He nodded in return, pretending to scratch his ear. "You planned it out really well," he drawled. She steadied the gun on the soldier that had Ronon under guard. Lorne jerked imperceptibly, and the pistol fired.

Ronon's guard slumped to the ground, blood beginning to pool almost instantly from his body. When Kolya startled, Lorne slammed his gun upwards, and dove forward, scooping his weapon, and slamming it into the head of another soldier behind Kolya.

Ava was suddenly facing two pissed Genii, and shrugging, she threw the pistol at the one, and spun to kick the other.

Ronon grinned and punched the nearest soldier. The man fell to the ground, knocked out cold by the power of the runner's hit. Kolya shouted for reinforcements, but then Ronon was on him, lifting him by his uniform jacket, and throwing him into the row of cabinets along the wall. The Genii leader slid boneless to the floor and stayed down.

Lorne dispatched another, and Teyla grabbed the soldier that was beating Ava. Using a broken stick, she spun it in a circle, knocking his gun out, and then clouting him on the top of his skull. He too, fell. She offered a hand up to the scientist. "The machine he is using to block our transmissions, where is it?" she pressed urgently.

Kolya's team had been defeated, and none of Lorne's team had been critically injured. Ava gestured at a machine humming softly in the background. "There's a remote activation, but if you destroy that, it won't run."

Teyla nodded, and jogged across the room. She frowned at the controls before lifting the P-90 and firing. Sparks and burnt electronics filled the room, and the machine groaned to its death. "Major, try contacting now," she shouted.

Lorne hit his radio, still breathing hard from the fight. "Doc?"

"Major," Radek's relieved voice answered. "We were worried."

"Yeah, you're not the only one," he replied wryly. "Get ready to beam us out." He closed the channel. "Get Sheppard and McKay. I think we've overstayed our welcome."

Just as they were lining up, a shot rang out, and Lorne spun in time to see Ava fall. "What the fuck," he shouted, turning to find where it came from, but Ronon was already there. He pulled Kolya to his feet, and his anger was unleashed. He threw the Genii away from him, and Kolya hit the ground with an impact that rattled into Lorne's feet.

The runner twirled his pistol, and with deadly precision, lined it up with Kolya's head. "Sheppard should've done this long ago," he stated. As his finger tightened on the trigger, he lowered the barrel to line up with the Genii's gut, and fired. Not bothering to verify Kolya's death, because he knew a human body couldn't survive the strength of his weapon, Ronon turned away.

Lorne didn't know whether to cheer of be afraid at the ease with which the runner had dispatched the man. Deciding to just be thankful that Ronon was on their side, he gestured at his men to finish pushing McKay and Sheppard's gurneys into the middle of the now debris laden room. Equipment was everywhere, lights hung brokenly from the ceiling and flickered.

"Teyla," he called. She was leaning down by the fallen woman. "Is she alive?"

Shaking her head, Teyla climbed to her feet. "Not anymore," she said, an edge to her voice. She walked wearily to stand by Ronon.

Lorne tapped the radio. "We're ready."

"Major, the other, I'm not registering…"

"She's not coming anymore," he said tightly. "Now, Doc."

And the laboratory, dead bodies, and disaster faded around them.

**OoO**

Lorne entered the infirmary on the Daedalus, spying Ronon and Teyla sitting between Sheppard and McKay. They stopped talking and nodded his way. Taking the invitation, he strode over, taking the proffered chair with thanks. "I've radioed Doctor Weir and let her know the mission was a success, and we are en route, ETA 36 hours."

He'd waited to find out more on the condition of Sheppard and McKay before sending his report. The doctor on the Daedalus believed it was best to let the more qualified personnel at Atlantis treat both men, because of the unknown drugs in their systems.

"How is Lily?" asked Teyla quietly.

Lorne sighed. "Same. Beckett hopes she'll pull out of it when we get back with Sheppard."

"Did you relay my request?" Teyla's face was earnest. The woman, Ava, before she'd died, had whispered the address to her home world, and pleaded with Teyla to free them. The Genii contingent wasn't overwhelming, and if taken by surprise…

"She agreed," Lorne smiled. "The strike team is getting ready now. They'll move fast." His face grew serious. "I gave her the message to be relayed to Ava's family. They'll get it," he assured her.

Ronon leaned back, folding his arms across his broad chest. "They don't deserve it."

"That is not fair," Teyla said sharply. "She did what she had to, and in the end, she helped us save the colonel and Doctor McKay's life, along with our own."

He shrugged. "I didn't say she didn't deserve it. I said they don't. She earned it, she gave her life, but they've sat back and let others work and die for them."

"And what would you have them do, Ronon? Have their families executed?"

The air grew tense, and Lorne shook his head. "Let's just agree to disagree, okay. Bottom line, we're fine, and now we can only hope Sheppard and McKay recover."

They all stared at the shells of their former friends lying still in the beds, monitors beeping confirmation that they still lived, despite their frailty and comatose state. And no one had anything else to say to that.

**The End…of part 17**


	18. Chapter 18

AN: And we are nearing the end, two more chapters left folks!**  
**

**ABOUT A BABY...part 18**

Elizabeth could not stop pacing. She paced from one bed, around the crib, then over to the other bed.

Carson had set up a private area in the infirmary. His own version of an Intensive Care unit. He had Lily's crib placed between John and Rodney's beds. The area was filled with beeping and whooshing sounds. Even when Elizabeth was alone, in her room, or in her office, she could still hear the sounds of the monitors echoing in her head.

It had been two days since John and Rodney had returned to Atlantis, looking like nothing more than corpses. John in particular was so pale as to be transparent and so thin as to be little more than skin over bone. But there were bruises that shadowed over him as well, as if to outwardly reveal his suffering.

Rodney wasn't much better. Thinner than she had ever seen him before, looking bruised and battered and far too still. But at least he wasn't dead. They had come so close to loosing him. Too close. Carson had administered the counteragent that Ava had given Lorne, but not in time. They'd had no choice and it'd been a rough couple of days. Rodney had stopped breathing twice, but after going on a ventilator, he'd begun to show improvement. Just when they'd all began to relax, he'd suffered a high fever and convulsions. It was a roller coaster of fear and hope, when finally the fever had broken hours ago and Carson seemed hesitantly optimistic.

The same could not be said for Sheppard. In between trying to keep Rodney alive, Carson had been working on a counteragent for the drug Kolya had forced upon them. So far with little success. Sheppard lay in his bed, his body eerily still. Because of the fact that there were now three patients, all unable to care for themselves, the nursing staff was overworked. They hadn't received a replacement for Alicia, who continued to languish in the brig. Elizabeth and Teyla often helped with the daily care of John, Rodney and Lily. For the men it meant sponge baths and turning them, and also working lax limbs to keep the muscles in use as much as possible. It never seemed to look hopeful and Elizabeth found herself close to tears far too often.

She stopped pacing, rubbing at her eyes with one hand, then taking a calming breath before moving to John's side. She took his hand, hating how thin and fragile it looked. "You have to wake up, Colonel," Elizabeth said firmly. You have to, because Lily needs you. You can't go out like this. Not without fighting. If you give up now, you'll take Lily with you and I know you don't want to do that. I know you don't."

There was more she wanted to say but the monitor's attached to Rodney started beeping and when Elizabeth glanced over, she could see he was moving around in the bed. Fearing more convulsions, she called for Beckett.

Carson was there in the blink of an eye. He studied Rodney for a moment, then started talking to him. "Easy, Rodney...you're safe now. Take it easy. You have a tube in to help you breathe. I know it's not pleasant, but it needs to stay for a while and you need to get some rest." As Carson spoke he waved a hand at a nearby nurse and she nodded and ran out of the room. "I've got something coming to help you sleep and the next time you wake up, maybe we can take the tube out. How does that sound?"

Elizabeth held her breath as she watched Rodney's face and when he blinked hard then managed a slight nod, she felt herself exhaling with relief, to the point of almost feeling dizzy from it. Then the nurse was back with a syringe and Carson emptied it into Rodney's IV port. They all watched as McKay drifted back to sleep. "So...this is a good sign?" Elizabeth asked, hope sharp in her tone.

"It's a very good sign," Carson allowed. "We've turned the tide with Rodney." He patted McKay's shoulder then turned to look at Sheppard. "I just...I hope I can find the cure for what ails him as well," he whispered.

"You'll find it," Elizabeth stated, feeling like they could move mountains at this moment. "How is Lily doing?"

Carson brightened a bit. "Actually, when I checked her earlier she was doing better. It's a tiny improvement, but I'll take what I can get. To me it's a sign that Sheppard is hanging in there."

Elizabeth nodded. "It has to be a good sign that you didn't need to put him on a ventilator. All of his vitals are good, right? And you said there was no brain damage that you can tell from the tests you've run."

"Nothing so far," Carson agreed. "But it's not going to last. If I can't find the counteragent soon, he's going to slip away from us and..." He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't have too.

Elizabeth turned wet eyes towards Lily's crib.

OoO

Teyla sat with Lily, but her gaze kept shifting from the baby, to McKay, to Colonel Sheppard. She was pleased that Doctor McKay was doing better. He was off the ventilator and was getting stronger each day, but he was still very weak and it was sad to watch how he kept his own vigil from his bed. A vigil over Sheppard and Lily.

Doctor Beckett had announced, just today, that he had a counteragent but he needed to run a few more tests. Tonight they were going to give it to Sheppard. Teyla prayed for its success. She missed the Colonel. She missed the man who was her team mate and her friend.

Sighing softly, Teyla turned her attention back to Lily. Reaching through the bars of the crib, she began to sing a lullaby she remembered from her childhood. She hoped that the baby could hear her and that she would find peace. And that she would find her way back to them from whatever darkness that claimed her.

OoO

Carson had cleared the area. Only he and two nurses were within the curtains that surrounded Colonel Sheppard's bed. He knew the man would not like being on display and since Carson had no idea what the effects of the serum were going to be on him, he wanted to give what privacy he could. But he knew the others were gathered outside the curtain, and that all of them were hopeful.

"I pray this works, laddie," Carson whispered, as he injected the serum into Sheppard's IV port. It would take a while for it to seep throughout his system, and Carson believed slower was better, so he grabbed a chair and settled in to wait. He had warned the others that it might be a while, but they had no intention of leaving either. So Carson focused on Sheppard's pale face, whispering a prayer.

OoO

_John was drifting in darkness. Sometimes it was a warm darkness and other times it was cold. Sometimes he knew he was alone and then there were times he could hear a soft whisper. He knew it was Lily. He knew that even when he couldn't hear her, or feel her, that she was with him. But she was drifting away from him and John was afraid._

_After a time he found himself floating into a heavy darkness. It surrounded him like a wet blanket, making it hard to think. Making awareness blurry and undefined. He didn't like when that happened and he kept trying to reach out to Lily, fearful that somehow the link between them would soon break. He knew he would be lost to her if that happened and John wasn't about to let go._

_But it was hard sometimes. He heard other voices too, most of them familiar. Sometimes there was the sense of touch, warm against his skin. Sometimes it hurt but he didn't mind, it kept him feeling grounded. But now he felt something different. Something that was drifting over him, then into him. Something that was cold and sharp, burning him like a flame. He willed himself away from it but there was no where to go. It leeched into him, bright and burning and John heard himself screaming and screaming and screaming._

Carson jolted awake at the sound of Lily crying. He hadn't realized he had dozed off and he was about to curse at the nurses who had let him, but Lily cried harder and Carson was on his feet. Elizabeth was already with her and he shouldered her aside. Lowering the side, Carson checked the baby's vitals then he found himself catching his breath as he noted the suddenly rosy flush of her cheeks. Reaching for her, he scooped the baby into his arms, careful of the wires attached to the tiny body.

Elizabeth was watching him, arms crossed hard over her chest, her eyes bright and shadowed. "Carson?"

"She's better...she's better," he whispered. "It's a normal cry it is." He held the baby out to Weir.

"Really?" Elizabeth took Lily, cradling her to her chest, eyes locked on the sweet face. "Are you sure?"

Carson nodded, feeling a tear sliding down his cheek. "I'm sure."

Elizabeth was trembling. "So...does this mean that...that Sheppard is better?"

"I hope so." Turning back around, Carson slid behind the curtains and did a vitals check on the Colonel. He was pleased by what he saw, and when he sensed Elizabeth's presence behind him, he turned to her with a smile. "He's reactive," Carson stated, putting away his penlight after having just done a pupil check.

"So he's going to be all right?" Elizabeth looked ready to jump up and down with happiness.

Carson held a hand out to her. "Don't get too hopeful. There's bound to be setbacks since I don't know what I'm up against. But this is a good sign. A very good sign indeed."

Elizabeth swiped a hand over her face and offered a shaky smile. "I'll take it," she whispered.

"Me too." Carson stepped outside the curtain. "How about we tell the others the good news."

"Let's," Elizabeth replied, and there was a spring to her step that had been sorely lacking.

OoO

Rodney sat in the chair next to John's bed, cradling Lily in his arms. The wires had been removed from himself and Lily, but there were a multitude of wires still attached to John. It bothered Rodney seeing him like that. It bothered him more that a week had passed and while Lily had improved in leaps and bounds, and Rodney's own recovery was progressing nicely, they seemed to keep hitting snags with John.

Carson had delivered the good news about Lily and John, with Elizabeth smiling at his side, and Rodney still remembered cheering in his head. Then he'd fallen asleep only to wake up with alarms clanging. Teyla had been the one to tell him that John was running a fever and that it didn't look hopeful. They had kept as close an eye on Lily as John but Lily had slept the night through, waking up in the morning with a healthy cry and a healthy appetite. Two days later John's fever had gone down and they'd crossed another hurdle.

Until the convulsions started. Again, Lily hadn't reacted to them, which was good news, but puzzling news. Carson firmly believed it meant that John was well on his way to recovery but that his body had to deal with the stress and trauma it had suffered. But since Lily was doing better each day, then John wouldn't be far behind. Rodney was all for believing that too, except John would not wake up.

"Inconsiderate bastard!" Rodney hissed, under his breath, then he winced and apologized to Lily. "Don't remember that," he bade her. "Elizabeth will have my head for swearing around you. But your father is making me crazy. He needs to wake up now." Rodney nuzzled Lily's hair with his nose. "You're doing so well and he just keeps lying there. Why won't he wake up? Is he pissed at me? Does he think it's funny?" Rodney knew John wouldn't mess with him that way, he would never be that cruel, but he was getting frustrated. Frustrated and scared.

"Rodney?"

He flinched when a hand touched his shoulder, turning his head to see Elizabeth standing there. "You scared me," he snapped.

She nodded and squeezed his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to check on you, and take Lily off your hands. Carson says you can sit with John for a few more minutes, then you need to take a nap."

"A nap!" Rodney hissed. "What am I? Five years old?"

"You're recovering, Rodney," Elizabeth said softly, as she expertly snared Lily from his arms. "You need to take it easy. Once John wakes up...he's going to need you."

Rodney knew that, he just sucked at the waiting thing. Patience had never been, nor would it ever be, one of his virtues. "Sorry for, you know...snapping at you. I guess I am a little tired."

Elizabeth smiled. "I know. I'll go so you can have your few minutes. I'll come by later to visit." With that she was gone.

Rodney sighed, burying his face in his hands for a moment. Then he looked up, reaching out for John's hand, being careful of the IV taped to the back. He studied John's face. Pale but still beautiful, even with a feeding tube up his nose. Rodney shuddered, remembering his own tube. "You can't bitch at me for calling you skinny now," he said softly. "You're nothing but skin and bones. I'll have to be your food buddy once you wake up. I'll sneak you candy bars. I've got a stash in my room."

For a time, Rodney kept talking about stupid things. Things that they would do when John woke up, all the while telling himself that John would wake up. He had to wake up. Then, all too soon, the nurse popped in to tell him he had to get back in bed. Rodney bit back a sharp retort, managing to swallow it down. It wasn't her fault that John wouldn't wake up or that he was still weak. So Rodney rose from his chair, still holding on to John's hand, and he was just about to pull away when he felt it. A slight, but definite, squeeze to his fingers.

"John?" Rodney allowed himself to hope as he moved closer, eyes locked on the pale face. And he saw it, the flicker of eyelashes then a sliver of hazel-green eyes. "CARSON!" Rodney bellowed. "GET IN HERE NOW! SHEPPARD'S AWAKE!"

Rodney didn't have long to wait and Beckett was there, moving to the other side of the bed, penlight out and a smile on his face. He did a few tests then he looked at Rodney.

"So?" Rodney prompted.

"So...sleeping beauty is finally waking up." Carson was looking at Sheppard now. "Come on, Colonel. Open your eyes just a wee bit more then I'll let you go back to sleep."

Rodney held his breath as he waited for John to obey Beckett's command. Then it happened, the eyes opened wider and locked on to Rodney's face. It was enough to put a smile on his lips, because Rodney knew that John recognized him. "Well done, Colonel," Rodney praised him.

The smile on Carson's face was huge. "You can rest now, Colonel. Everything is going to be okay. Just rest and build your strength up." That said, he patted Sheppard's arm then looked at Rodney. "Now you need to get back in bed and rest as well. You can sit with him again later."

"Okay." Rodney caught Beckett's surprise at his easy capitulation. But Rodney was tired and elated and at the same time he wanted to sleep then wake up and have everything as back to normal as it could get. Which meant John awake and aware and getting better. Rodney crawled into bed, let Beckett draw the covers over him, then he closed his eyes and drifted off into sweet dreams.

OoO

Lorne stood on the balcony, a glass of wine in one hand. He took a swallow, savoring the taste, then he stared out at the night sky. Tonight was a celebration. Two weeks ago, Colonel Sheppard had finally woken up. He was doing well, visiting briefly with people, and eating on his own. He'd be discharged from the infirmary tomorrow and everyone was happy. Dr. Weir had decided on having a little celebration and everyone was feeling as if they could finally relax.

But Lorne couldn't forget the meeting this morning. Doctor Beckett had filled in the key personnel as to Sheppard's condition. He was doing well, but there were some problem areas. Such as the fact that the drug Kolya had forced on Sheppard left him with gray areas. He couldn't always remember things. He would say something to you then forget his train of thought. And it wasn't just his mind that was betraying the Colonel, his body was letting him down as well. He was suffering from muscles spasms and a general weakness.

Beckett insisted that Sheppard would get better in time. Time being the key factor. It was going to take months, not weeks, for him to recover. Everyone knew Sheppard wouldn't handle it well. He didn't like weakness in himself and Lorne couldn't blame him. He had watched the man, sitting in a wheel chair in the mess hall, accepting the toasts to himself, holding Lily in his arms until it was obvious she became to heavy for him, and that had been painful to watch. To see Sheppard's realization that he could no longer hold his own daughter but for short periods of time. He'd given her up to Teyla, before smiling at everyone again, but the smile had seemed strained to Lorne.

Still, Lorne had stayed at the party, hovering as close as he dared to Sheppard, feeling the need to keep watch over him. He noticed he wasn't alone in that. Ronon was like Sheppard's shadow and Rodney was in a chair, practically glued to Sheppard's side. Doctor Weir had hovered, making sure Sheppard had enough to eat and drink and Carson kept checking on him in what seemed to be ten minute intervals, until Sheppard had laughed and threatened to sick Ronon on him.

It had been good hearing Sheppard laugh again, but the sound had seemed a bit strained. Or maybe it was his own tension that Lorne was feeling. Maybe it was his own fears that kept him from being as happy about things as he should have been. Sheppard had been through hell and back so many times, and everyone had suffered in their own ways because of it. Lorne wondered if he had it in himself to believe that everything would be okay this time. If anyone deserved a break, it was Sheppard.

"Major?"

He turned, surprised to see Elizabeth standing there. "Ma'am? Did you need me?"

She shook her head. "I saw you come out here a while ago and when you didn't come back in I got worried. Until Colonel Sheppard is back on his feet, you're my right hand man."

"I'm fine," Lorne stated. "Just...not really in a party mood. I figured when Doctor McKay and Doctor Beckett took the Colonel back to the infirmary, the party would be breaking up anyway."

"It pretty much is," she allowed. "You okay?"

Lorne nodded. "Yeah...just thinking."

Elizabeth looked curious. "About anything in particular?"

"Nah...just about life in general and how unfair it is sometimes."

"You're thinking about what's happened to Sheppard?" Elizabeth guessed.

Lorne nodded, not all that surprised she had figured it out. "I'm glad I don't have to walk a mile in his shoes. He's got a hell of a long, uphill road, ahead to travel."

Elizabeth sighed. "True enough. But I can't think of any man stronger to make that journey. Besides which...he won't be making it alone. We'll be there with him."

"That we will, Ma'am," Lorne drawled, feeling his spirits brighten a bit. That we will."

OoO

John was happy to settle into bed again. He was tired, as much from the party as from pretending that everything was okay. But he couldn't stop pretending just yet, so he kissed Lily goodnight when Teyla held her out to him, then he watched them go before settling his gaze on Rodney. "You need to get some sleep too," John said, pointedly. Because the sooner Rodney was gone, the sooner he could stop smiling like everything was okay.

"I'll sleep later," Rodney said, settling himself in the chair next to John's bed. "Close your eyes though. You're worn out."

It took biting his lip for John not to make a sharp retort. Sometimes it felt as if breathing wore him out. He turned on his side, back facing Rodney, not caring that it was rude. He was tired of keeping his 'game face' on, but he didn't want to reveal the truth to Rodney. The man had enough to deal with without John adding to it.

The chair legs scuffed the floor, then Rodney was moving to the other side of the bed. "How rude," he stated, settling back in the chair again.

John kept his eyes closed and said nothing. After a moment he felt fingers combing through his hair, which reminded him that he needed a hair cut.

"It's going to be okay," Rodney whispered. "You made it through being pregnant, you can get through this. I'll help."

"I'm tired," John said softly, because he didn't want to talk about it. Or think about it.

Rodney sighed, but his fingers kept stroking through John's hair, keeping the connection between them.

After a time John felt himself drifting off to sleep.

**THE END...of part 18**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN:** I'm incredibly sorry for the delay! Even though this was just the 'wrap-up' it still was short-sighted of me to get behind with it like I did. I started And the Sky was Dark and when I began posting it, I didn't realize how much work still needed to be done on it, and writing both at the same time was difficult (read - almost impossible). Anyway, this is the final chapter, but the epilogue will be arriving soon. Again, very sorry, and thanks Linzi for beta!**  
**

**About a Baby part...19**

If John had thought he was tired before, and had wanted to be alone to quietly fall apart, it was nothing compared to how he felt a week later. Every time he woke up, Rodney was there. Every time he went to eat, Rodney was there. Every time he drifted to the balcony, Rodney was there.

John didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Logically, he knew what McKay was doing. They'd been through too much, and Rodney was afraid that if he turned his back, something would happen. The scars from John's attempted suicides after Lily was born hadn't ever fully healed, and sometimes Sheppard wondered if McKay was afraid that he'd slide back into that depression, even though it'd been induced by the bond he'd shared with Dreya. It was as if he was making up for making mistakes the first time around.

Regardless of the reason, Rodney's persistence was paying off. Sheppard hadn't been allowed to pull within himself, and close off the world like he had done before. Lily kept them both animated even when he knew they both felt like dying inside from the fight to recover. It was tiring, grueling, and Carson didn't give either of them the opportunity to slack off from therapy.

Now, he was in their new room, and John felt like events had gone full circle. The room was dark, and quiet, and he found himself thinking back to that night not long after the explosion that had claimed Lily's mother and too many others.

John cuddled the sleepy baby, amazed at how much she'd grown during their captivity. There were so many thoughts crowding his mind, staring at her in the quietness. She had recovered from the bond-inflicted coma, and seemed content again. For her, it was as if he and McKay had never been gone, so completely had she accepted them back. He wished it was as easy for them to get over their ordeal. If only it was as simple as walking back through those doors, and the past month of pain and uncertainty was gone.

He smiled gently at the little girl. His daughter. So beautiful, so complete, and so unaffected. "I hear you've been talking," he whispered. The round eyes regarded him solemnly, before she tucked her face into his chest, and sucked on her chubby fist. He rubbed her back and said, "No holding out on me, kiddo. But you can wait till tomorrow." Gently, he moved her into the crib, tucking the blanket around her.

He wound the mobile of stars and planets, and watched as her sleepy eyes fixed on Saturn and the room was filled with tiny strains of music. John felt like he could've stayed there forever, but his physical condition didn't agree. Carson had released him earlier than what the doctor had wanted, but the admonishment to stay in bed, and take his recovery slow, had only fallen on frustrated ears. Everything was so damn slow. Walking, remembering, jogging – he wanted it all back yesterday.

Everything he'd been through, to get from there to here, from the moment Dreya had touched him to now, staring at the innocent face blinking tiredly at the spinning universe – how do you go on, when your entire life has been changed? The certainties he'd thought he'd known, weren't so certain anymore. The constants he'd lived his life by, weren't so constant anymore.

John stared until the sleepy eyes had given up their battle to stay awake, and the mobile had played the last stanza of Mozart's Moonlight Sonata. He turned back to his bed, and stared at the other person in the room. Rodney had offered to sleep in his quarters, but John had told him to stop being stupid.

As much as he wanted to be left alone, John also had to admit that if McKay did sleep somewhere else, neither one would get much rest. The time in Kolya's hands had left damage. They'd experienced it firsthand when Rodney had been discharged first, and John had been stuck in the infirmary.

Without McKay sleeping in the bed next to him, John had found himself waking constantly, thinking he was back in the cell. Rolling over to find Rodney gone had kept him off-balance. By the time he'd processed where he was, and where McKay was, John would find sleep hard to slip back into. After waking five times in the span of two hours, he'd given up.

Carson had watched John grow worse, and after three nights of little sleep, had called McKay in and sat them side by side. When John had looked over at Rodney, he'd been surprised to see the signs of fatigue were present in him, also. That's when Beckett said Sheppard was free to his quarters, but he wanted John to rest. There had been some explanations of what he considered resting, and what he'd do if he found out John wasn't following his directions to a T.

Elizabeth had meant for there to be two beds in the room, but when she'd ordered the furniture made, a mistake in communication meant there was only one very large bed. After they'd gated home with him minus his memories, it'd gotten temporarily shoved to the side, and John wasn't sure Elizabeth had thought about it much since then.

Now that they were back, again, and his memories intact – John remembered the night he and Rodney had shared that bed. The stolen kisses McKay had liberated by perpetrating a charade. He'd promised McKay when they got back, there'd be a talk about what Rodney had done. He smiled to himself – his actual words were something about kicking Rodney's ass.

Wearily, John sat on the edge of the mattress. Rodney had offered to do anything other than share the bed, but what McKay hadn't realized was that Sheppard had wanted him to share that bed. It'd been a long walk to wade through every reason why he should stop, and not let it go any further. If he listed the pros and cons - the pros of not taking another step towards that end would win, every time.

But a list is cold and impersonal. A list doesn't let you look back twenty years from now and erase your regrets because you didn't listen to your heart. He sighed, and stretched out on the bed, trying not to shift the bed enough that it woke Rodney. John rolled slightly to his right so that he could see McKay's face. The face that was turned to the side even though Rodney was laying flat on his stomach, and slack with sleep – the same face that had dogged his steps ever since he'd walked through that gate in the beginning – he loved that face, that person. And he didn't want to regret losing McKay when he faced the final trip of his life.

"I really was going to kick your ass," whispered John.

A slight snoring sound was Rodney's only reply.

He reached forward, and let his fingers trail across Rodney's forehead and down the side of his face – feeling the warmth underneath his hand, the soft feel of skin on skin. It filled a need, and he found himself thinking back to the day Lily was born.

John had whispered her a song, the words fitting the moment, and the lump in his throat had everything to do with it again. Glad for McKay's ability to sleep like the dead, he murmured huskily, "I can stay awake, just to hear you breathing -" his voice cracked from trying to be quiet. He cleared his throat, and continued off-key and hushed, "Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away from dreaming -" God, how did he lose himself to this man beside him? When had the deep friendship changed course to where he no longer wanted just a smile? "I could spend my life, in this sweet surrender, I could stay lost in this moment forever -" he trailed off, guilty, as Rodney's eyes fluttered open.

"As touched as I am," Rodney croaked, sleep thick in his voice, "don't sing."

"I thought you were asleep." Sheppard frowned, irritated at the flash of mortification, before rolling to his back. "Jesus, look what you've reduced me to; cheesy clichés; the least you can do is pretend to sleep, and save us both the embarrassment."

"I was trying, until someone did their best impression of a frog on steroids."

The ceiling was really boring at night. Yet, John still found something really interesting to stare at, so he wouldn't have to look at Rodney. "Just so you know, I was going to skip the ass-kicking, but now – it's back under consideration."

"Shut up," Rodney whispered, and then John felt his head clasped in strong hands, and pulled up, with only a moment to prepare before McKay's lips claimed his.

And of their own accord, John's hands came up, also, and covered Rodney's, deepening their kiss. He found himself lost for the first time since it'd all began. Lost in the emotion, and the touch, and the sheer physicality of their love finally being realized with both fully aware of what was happening.

When they surfaced to breathe, John said, his voice ragged, "That's not what I meant by an ass-kicking."

Rodney swallowed, his face flushed. "No, but you have to admit, my idea was more enjoyable." He groaned, and covered his face with a shaky hand. "Why did you do this to me?"

"Me?" John exclaimed. "Turn that around."

"I never meant for it to turn out this way," Rodney admitted. He rolled till he was on his back, and now they both stared at the ceiling. "I've never -"

John rushed in saying, "I never have, either. So what does that make us?"

"Desperate fools that fall in love?" Rodney joked weakly.

"I've felt desperate," John said. "This isn't desperate." And he turned to face McKay. "This is -"

"Shut up, and kiss me, you fool," replied McKay.

"What?"

Rodney rolled his eyes in John's direction. "That's what this is."

They say actions talk louder than words, and John figured, they were probably right, so he did just that –

OoO

When morning arrived, John woke to find himself tangled in McKay. The real surprise was how much he liked waking up like that. Lily was playing with her crib toy, making all sorts of noise, so John disentangled himself from Rodney, and padded softly to her bed.

"Good morning, Lily," he whispered, and as she reached for him, John scooped her up and settled her on his hip. "Raring to go all ready, just like a proper pilot – I'd say soldier, but you're going to earn wings."

"Our daughter is not going to be a pilot."

John did a lazy turn, pulling Lily's hand off his ear. "There's nothing wrong with pilots."

McKay rolled from the bed, and shook his head. "God, I'm not a morning person. And yes, there are. Pilots are promiscuous and…take risks they shouldn't."

"As opposed to astrophysicists that sleep with the pilots, and step in front of pilots in a misguided attempt to save their lives, thereby, screwing their own." John waggled his eyebrows at Lily, "Right, sweetie – daddy Rodney's such a slut."

McKay bolted out of bed, and rushed over, taking Lily from John, and covering her ears. "Don't do that – it would be morally reprehensible if her first word was slut. And it'd be your fault."

Prying Rodney's hands away from the squirming baby, John pulled her free, and set her on the floor. Lily began giggling and crawling towards the bin of toys in the corner. "She already said her first word; we missed it."

The crestfallen look on McKay's face made him wish he could take it back. "We did?"

He nodded abruptly, and turned for the bathroom. "She said 'Dada' according to Elizabeth and Beckett – personally, I think she's referring to me -" he paused in the doorway and looked back, "the pilot that she wants to grow up like, so she can be 'just like daddy'."

Every now and then he was hit with vertigo, and just as John went to turn back into the bathroom, he was hit with a strong wave, and stumbled into the frame of the door. His world was tilting sickeningly to the right, and his head spun. Knowing there wasn't any relief except lying down and letting it pass, Sheppard grabbed on to the frame, and tried to move back towards the bed. John should've known things were going to good to be true. The weeks of recovery had rolled on, and the gaps in his mental abilities lessened while the physical weaknesses had abated – mostly.

In an instant, Rodney was there. "Bad?"

"Bucket?"

McKay got him to the bed, and got the bucket – just in time. Probably should've just gone back to the bathroom. Vertigo sucked.

"Carson?"

"Sleep."

"Right." Rodney took the bucket back to the bathroom, and moments later, the bed dipped and a cold cloth wiped the sick-induced sweat away from John's forehead. "I've got work," Rodney said, setting the rag on the nightstand next to their bed. "I'll take Lily, but if you need me -"

"Go," John said, his eyes staying firmly fixed shut, because open only made it worse. "I'll meet you for lunch. I'll be over it by then." It usually only lasted a few hours. Unpleasant, but not dangerous, and the attacks happened a lot less frequently, anyway. He just wished they'd go away altogether.

When the wet lips brushed his forehead, John couldn't hold back the small smile. He listened as Rodney gathered Lily, and left. The suddenness of their morning together coming to an end left him tired in a way that had nothing to do with the vertigo.

There for a while, it'd seemed perfect. And he'd enjoyed it all.

OoO

John did meet Rodney for lunch, and then spent the afternoon with Lily. Teyla and Ronon had stopped by, but Sheppard wasn't sure where he fit anymore and it'd been awkward. He knew they knew, and it left him feeling a mixture of embarrassment and stubbornness. It was what it was, and they were what they were, but still – all those years of living one way, and believing one way. It didn't go away over night.

He felt like it was printed across his forehead, 'I slept with Rodney McKay', and though he'd accepted the consequences, it still left him feeling…vague. Disconcerted. Waiting for reactions at every turn, and not sure if he was up to handling them.

When they'd finally left, he'd let Teyla take Lily with them. She wanted to take the baby down to see some fish they'd discovered in a lab. It was some kind of aquarium, but the fish were kept in stasis. He thought it was creepy, but Lily got a kick out of it every time.

Their down time was for another week, assuming Beckett cleared him for duty at that point. Rodney had been given the okay this week. It was another reason he hadn't gone to Beckett about the vertigo this morning. John was afraid it'd prolong his grounded status. If they were still happening by the time he was cleared, he'd bring it up then, but not before.

John made his way to the balcony, and was a little surprised when he found it empty. All those times he'd sought the refuge, only to find McKay waiting – he felt like Pavlov's dog. Go to balcony, see Rodney.

"Colonel, thought I'd find you here," Lorne said from behind him.

He turned, and waved for Lorne to come closer. "Major, getting tired of the job yet?"

The heartfelt chuckle made John smile, as Lorne said, with feeling, "Definitely, Sir. I wanted to let you know, Alicia was beamed to the Daedalus an hour ago."

Lorne had briefed him on what had happened when they were in Kolya's hands. How Alicia had been behind it – even set up the ambush that resulted in McKay's capture. She'd confessed everything, including finding out that Caldwell had been a Goa'uld. To say he'd been stunned was an understatement. To say he'd felt betrayed, and had felt a hatred unlike any he'd ever felt before, that was getting closer.

They'd actually had to restrain him, and then restrain McKay. Beckett had ripped into both of them, asking if going down and killing her would bring Dreya back – if getting more blood on their hands would make up for what she'd done. Ronon had been about to say yes. But then Carson had gone further. He'd said if anyone deserved the right to take revenge, it was him, Dreya's family, the families of the personnel murdered in her sabotage.

And with a smile so cold that it'd made Sheppard almost shiver, Carson had said that either way, she was dead. She'd either get convicted of treason and be sentenced to death, or more likely, she'd be found in her cell one morning at body check – and all they'd find was a body.

"She probably didn't think it was fair," John murmured, turning back to look at the water. He'd also been told about the promises Alicia had been given to gain her cooperation.

Lorne moved up alongside him, and leaned on the railing. "No, Sir," he drawled. "But Ronon promised to take her to the mainland, if she wanted, and suddenly going back on the Daedalus seemed the better option."

The major was troubled, and John looked sideways at him. "But, you don't think we should be reneging?"

"Not that. I'm just wondering if maybe she'll be worth more to her Trust buddies alive, than dead – she's got a lot of information. If they break her out, she disappears – you never know."

He nodded. The water was choppy today, gray chunks everywhere his eyes could see. "You never know," he echoed.

"Colonel – I wanted – to let you know, that -"

Lorne was stammering, and Sheppard had a sinking feeling in his gut.

"Look – I know about you and McKay and, I'm cool, okay – in fact, anyone who isn't, can come talk to me," he finished rapidly, keeping his gaze fixed on the horizon.

John dropped his head, and felt it touch the top bar of the railing. God, this was embarrassing. "That's – thank you," he fumbled with his own words. Jesus. He was touched, and embarrassed, and slightly horrified all at the same time. "We're not…that obvious, are we?" he had to ask.

Lorne shook his head quickly. "No, no…not at all. I just…I overheard you talking the other day…and," Lorne cleared his throat. "Look, I've got some reports -"

He nodded. "Good. And this never…happened. This conversation." John figured he'd hide behind the 'don't ask, don't tell' and save them all a lot of gray hair.

"Right, sorry, Sir, I missed what you said…" Lorne backed away towards the door, and waved a small salute. "Don't stay out too long, I've heard McKay's looking for you," he warned John. "Sir," he added before disappearing entirely.

Fuck. John wondered just what he'd committed himself too. A lifetime, God willing, of Rodney McKay's hovering. He shook his head to himself as the door closed behind Lorne.

"So, Lorne painted his P-90 in a rainbow," Rodney cracked from behind John.

He snorted, because that was equally pitiful and amusing. "Don't go tie-dying anything, okay?"

"Oh, yes, I want to pronounce to the entire city that I'm sleeping with my boss – it's a good thing I'm already head of my department, or tongues would wag even more than usual."

"Technically, I'm only your boss when we're off world," John pointed out reasonably.

Rodney leaned in close, and John narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Kissing you," McKay retorted. "Give me a break, it's not like I've done this a lot."

"You did fine last night." John felt his face flush at the memory.

"You're blushing," crowed McKay.

Sheppard growled, and was the one to grab Rodney's head this time. He kissed hard the first time, then slow the next, and deeper – "God," he groaned against McKay's face. "We're so screwed."

Rodney breathed hard against John's face. "Not yet, but give us time," and he pushed John against the rail, and showed John just how screwed he could be.

**The End**

_**Stay tuned for the epilogue... **_


	20. Chapter 20

AN: And with this little short snippet, this fic is now finished! We hope you enjoyed it, and tha-tha-that's all folks!**  
**

**ABOUT A BABY... the epilogue **

John was happy.

For once everything in his life was going right. He was finally better. Finally able to go back on missions. Well, it was only one mission so far - but it had been a good one. He had stepped through the gate with his team, feeling an almost panic at leaving Lily behind. But once through, they had met up with the Theolins and had negotiated a trade for fruit, returning back to Atlantis in eight hours with baskets of the stuff and smiles on their faces. No surprises, no injuries, just the thrill of being out again and coming home safe.

Today was a good day too. Today was Lily's first birthday and it looked as if everyone in Atlantis had turned out to help them celebrate it. Weir had conceded to letting the messhall be turned into a party hall and over a dozen people had helped decorate with an Elmo theme. John didn't ask about it, or how Weir had gotten an Elmo doll. Which Lily loved and slept with. The how didn't matter, what did matter was that Atlantis finally felt safe. Lily was safe, his team was safe, Rodney was safe. Life was good.

At the moment, Lily was opening presents. Or, rather, John was opening them, while she watched from her perch on his lap. They were on the floor, surrounded by colored paper and tons of toys and Lily was smiling and repeating 'dadadada' over and over again, making John flush with happiness.

Until he opened Teyla's gift. It was a necklace with pink stones that had belonged to Dreya. As he stared at the gift, John listened to Teyla explain how Dreya had given it to her for safe keeping, along with instructions for Teyla to make sure Lily got it on her first birthday. As if she had somehow known she would not live to see the occasion. John felt the burn of tears in his eyes and he blinked rapidly against them.

Elizabeth appeared by his side, reaching for Lily, as if sensing that he needed a moment to compose himself.

John swiped at his eyes as he rose to his feet, nodding at her with gratitude.

"Take your time," Elizabeth whispered.

"Thanks." John heard the crack in his voice even as he turned and blindly headed for the nearest balcony. The cool night breeze dried the tears that had slid down his face and after a time John felt almost peaceful. He looked up into the night sky and let himself connect with Dreya. Even though she was dead, John still felt the bond between them, like a whisper in the back of his mind. "I miss you," he said softly. "I think Lily does too. She's amazing, Dreya. So sweet and so beautiful. She's walking and talking now, too. I wish you could see it." John broke off, moving over to the corner where he could sit down and stare at the water.

"I love her more than life itself," he continued. "She is my life." And wasn't that a scary truth? But he didn't want to dwell on it. It was a simple fact he had come to accept, without question. "I'll do whatever it takes to keep her safe," John promised Dreya. "Give my own life willingly. I know you understand what that means." Dreya had given her life in a sense. "Thank you," John whispered. "Thank you Dreya, for giving me Lily."

"Thank her for me too, would you?"

John started at the sound of Rodney's voice. He turned to find McKay crouching down beside him. Some military leader he was. Rodney wasn't exactly a quiet and graceful person, yet John hadn't heard him approach. He was about to comment on that when he felt himself shifted as Rodney slid behind him, settling John between his legs with far too much ease. He would definitely have to work on getting his fighting weight back. "What are you doing out here?" he asked, once he was comfortably ensconced in Rodney's arms, feeling the warmth of his lover's chest seeping into his back and making everything seem just perfect.

"You're out here," Rodney countered, as if that explained everything. Which maybe it did. "You okay?"

"I think so." It was a simple statement and, for once, the truth. John turned his head to press a kiss to the corner of Rodney's crooked mouth, then he explained. "Lily is perfect, Atlantis isn't under attack, no more bad guys are popping up and you love me. Life doesn't get any better than that."

Rodney chuckled, a low rumble in his chest. But then he fell silent before whispering in John's ear, "You just jinxed us, you know that, right?"

John decided he wasn't going to believe in the negative anymore. So he shook his head and laughed.

"You need to laugh more," Rodney stated.

"Hopefully I'll have reason too," John replied, and he realized he was content to simply stay here. It was enough just to be alive and be with Rodney.

Rodney, however, was not cooperating. He was shifting around again, this time to stand up and drag John to his feet. "It's cake time so let's go. They're waiting for us."

John pouted. "So that's why you came out here. You want cake. Huh...you love cake more than me." He was teasing and he let Rodney know that by the twinkle in his eyes.

Rodney's response was to bury his fingers in John's hair and kiss the smirk off his face. Which worked for John. They didn't break apart until they needed to breathe, then John was the one leading the way back to the party.

Everyone was already gathered around the cake and John moved next to Elizabeth, reclaiming Lily. He kissed her cheek then looked at Teyla, who started singing the birthday song, which John had taught her. Lily sang her own rendition of it, clapping her hands in delight, then John leaned in with her so they could blow out the candle. She was content to let him do it. "Have a go at the cake, sweetheart," John told his daughter.

Lily seemed to understand him because she plopped both hands into the frosting then brought one fist to her face. More of the frosting ended up on her skin than in her mouth, but she looked happy.

John was happy too, until her other fist ended up smearing frosting over his face when she tried to share it with him. But then he laughed, even as a camera flash blinded him a bit. Elizabeth had smuggled a lot of things to Atlantis, apparently. John was glad. He wanted a reminder of this day.

Ronon had been watching and he turned to McKay. "Lily has your eating habits."

Before Rodney could reply to that, everyone started laughing.

John's eyes met Rodney's over Lily's head. "Life is good," he whispered.

Rodney's smile and Lily's cake smeared face made it all the better.

**THE END**


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